WONKSTER

I gotta nack for a big comeback

2011-04-24T18:22:00.003-05:00

Just Like J-Dog (I'm mean Jesus. Jesus was not used as an explicative in that last sentence, it was, you know the name, AS LONG AS WE GOT THAT CLEARED UP) this blorg is back from the dead ya'll!

For a least this one post!

Yes, just like Jesus rose from the dead to terrorize Israel, feasting on the peoples brains (pretty sure that how the stories goes. I'm preeeeeeeetty sure.) I'm back to feast on the metaphorical brains of this blog, spitting out words like so much gristle.

I've kicked off the dust and dirt, cut open my mouth, sown shut (Hocus Pocus much?) and am writing again.

I really don't know why I haven't been fuckin this shit up more often. I just haven't. Haven't been fucking any shit up.

Which, I learned from a co-worker is actually a good thing. Or can be a good thing, has the potential to be a good thing.

So there we have it; potential for new things. A chance to fuck shit up.

let's do it

So Please

2011-02-09T09:00:00.004-06:00

Just finished up my chimney sweep.

accordin'/accordion ( <--- I don't know why I wrote that, oh yes I do because I wanted it to sounds stupid, soooooo...) to my thrpst that is what therapy or the "talking cure" used to be called chimney sweep because afterward it would make you feel as clean as freshly...cleaned...chimney...?

....I think my therapist is lying to me and or thinks I'm an idiot and or is an idiot...

I don't think it's healthy that I've begun to become suspicious about my head shrinker.

Or it could be super healthy! Either way I'm to going to talk about it.

That. I'm sure is healthy.

So there are certain things that you watch happen on tv in life that change you forever. To girls kicking the f out of each other is not one of those things.

Yes, they are entertaining and yes lady fights are as awesome as dude fight a and yes i forgot where I was going with this and yes, I think I'll stop now.

Maybe I should talk to my lying dumb therapist about this?

somewhere that's

2011-01-24T17:58:00.004-06:00

It's been awhile a while? ahwyle?

Fuck you words.

Since I've written on this thing-a-ma-shit about something nonfictional.

And to be honest, the reason why, is none of your goddamn business.

But thank you for visiting and reading and telling all your one friend that doesn't own a computer and doesn't understand what an ehnturnitz is and could care less about anything besides sucking the marrow dry of a couple of deer bones.

I totez understand why someone raised by wolves would want to read (if they could/or knew what "read" was) this lil blog because they would need something that is close to english but also close enough howls and yelps to understand.

It's like hooked on phonics! but for wolf people!

Oh I'm sorry, sorry, Lupine Americans! I almost wrote Lupus Americans (heh lupus)

No lie: I was Hooked on Phonics™ when I was but a wee lil boy growing up in OHIO.

Or I think they [my parents] bought it for me? I remember looking at the box and thinking,

"Pffff I don't need to read or listen to tapes learn English"

And that friends is how I started my life long love affair with English!

My life long love of trying to murder the English Language™.

J/K lulz

But fo rulsies what's the big deal w/grammar? As long as you can make yourself understood and maybe make it amusing or something, in the end you can take grammar and spit in it's nerdy eyes.

Pssh grammar probably wears glasses! So you'd have to take off the glasses THEN spit in grammars eyes.

What a Nerd!

Grammar probably couldn't get a date to the prom (but neither could I sooooooo :/).

Grammar probably wasn't invited to any quewl kydz parties (oh, oh right neither was I).

Grammar probably just spent countless Friday nights hanging out with his mom eating Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby BY THE PINT and watching 20/20 and wonder just how John Stossel kept his mustache so neat.

Talking to his mom about what they wanted to do on Saturday, go to the mall maybe? grocery shop? And no Grammar didn't have any plans and didn't want to hang with his friends.

You know, something like that.

What was the point?

Oh yeah

wolf people are cool

I'll have time for you both

2011-01-10T20:17:00.007-06:00

Kay and Jay enter the room SR. The room is empty except for a single chair with Him. There is a door SL wich leads into the bathroom.

Jay - ...O.K. O.K. cool, let's get started.

Kay - That's all?

Jay - What?

Kay - Look

Beat

Jay - she really did a number on him.

Beat

Him - It's not a big deal.

I don't know why, what anyone was worried about.

It's nothing.

Nothing but silence and emptiness.

But the maggots in eyes.

That did feel weird.

Well it didn't feel like anything,

I just knew that it should feel like something.

I'm not mad at what happened.

I don't think I Deserve it.

I don't think it's Fair.

But I'm not Mad.

I just.

I just didn't know what I was doing.

I didn't think.

I guess that's what stuck with me.

I didn't think.

That's what she kept saying.

Over.

Think.

Just think, I just couldn't.

So, If I could've stopped it.

I guess I would've because then I would be thinking.

Thinking about what?

Thinking about something

about somewhere

...

about about about about

...

something.

Instead, just here.

Maggots in my eyes.

Things eating away

Falling away

Fuck. just look at me.

Kay - Cool, let's start.

Jay - Wait, how come you can say that?

Kay - Because, I have taken the time to appreciate what Elle has done, and am now ready to continue with the job. You, on the other hand, wished to excuse...this... without fully understanding and appreciating what you are seeing.

Jay - I appreciate it. I guess, I appreciate it...just not, like you, I guess.

Kay - Don't you realize what this means. What we're looking at?

Beat

Kay - It means, that Elle is more respectable than I thought.

I got done

2011-01-07T10:39:00.005-06:00

Not a new scene, just continuation of previous.

Kay - Great

Jay - Great

Elle - So how do we go about it?

Kay - Can't expect us to tell you everything

Jay - It's pretty boring really.

Elle - Not everything, something, not everything.

Kay - If you give a moose a muffin...

Elle - Excuse me?

Jay - It's not we, it's us.

Elle - What?

Kay - You said "we" there is no "we."

Jay - Just us and please, it's really nothing, routine.

Kay - And it's best if you not know.

Elle - Best? I'm the one that...I think it's best if I know.

Kay - Why? So you can do what? So you can help? I wouldn't think you'd want to do that.

Jay - Plus if we told you we'd have to kill you.

Beat

Kay - Alright, you were going to tell use where to go.

Elle - Yes.

He's

Umm He's upstairs.

Kay - Thank you

Jay - Really, it is best that we don't go into specifics.

Beat

Jay - These stairs

Elle - Yes.

Jay and Kay exit. Elle is left alone. A single spot light, looking up the stairs. Starts to smile. Wide.

no title

2011-01-04T19:26:00.004-06:00

look isn't it crazy!?

i've been posting?

regularly?

SUCK IT MY USUAL MODE OF OPERATION

suck it long hard and deep (<---- i'm so so sorry for that)

seriously, sorry.

terra mojada

2011-01-03T07:37:00.009-06:00

Through the next scene Jay, Kay and Elle are all sitting at the table that they were sitting at in the previous scene. Jay and Kays backs no longer to the audience. They sit on either side (stage L and stage R). Elle is UP Stage Center.

Elle - I'm sorry, you just looked so uncomfortable.

Kay - Did we?

Jay - I'm sure we did.

Kay - We're not.

Elle - You're not.

Jay - I'm sure we just seemed uncomfortable.

Kay - We tend to seem uncomfortable.

Beat

Beat

Jay - The tea's good.

Elle - I'm sorry, tend to seem uncomfortable?

Kay - Yes.

Jay - Not too hot. There was plenty of time to let it cool.
I'm sure that you must have the leaves, bags?
I'm sure I taste actual leaves (but I'm no expert), in first and then added the boiling water.

Beat

Was there some lemon already in the tea? It isn't lemon tea though, it barely needs any honey or sugar.

Beat

I like honey better, the sugar tends to collect too much at the bottom of the cup;

Beat

it's like drinking a sweet sediment from the base of a river.

Kay - I never really got the hang of drinking tea.

Elle - The hang of drinking tea?

Kay - Yes.

Elle - Well I'm glad one of you is enjoying the tea.

Kay - I didn't say I didn't enjoy it.

Elle - Well at least this was only the beginning.

Jay - More tea?

Elle - No.

Kay - Great. We'll we're ready/

Elle - Yes, I can see that.

Kay - Yes. You told us.

Jay - I'm just glad we got here on time.

Elle - Why?

Jay - Well you see/

Kay - No reason.

Elle - What makes you think you came here on time?

Jay - You said we were early.

Elle - Unless they have changed the definition of On Time

On Time does not mean early.

Early means before the expected time.

I expected you at a certain time and you most surely came before the expected time.

Kay - Would you like we should go?

Leave.

Take all our preparations and come back tomorrow.

The day after.

Beat

We've proved we can find you.

And it took even less than the time we gave ourselves.

Jay - It wasn't hard. I knew we would get here on time.

I just get so nervous about time and being on time,

not making anyone wait.

Beat

Waiting can be the worst part.

Elle - I'm sure.

Jay - I don't know about you but the waiting,
the waiting...is the worst.
Because it's so much more than just waiting; it's expecting.
Expectations not met
and it comes in waves, non-stop, swelling and growing.
I mean there I am waiting, expecting and that's when it starts:
Why aren't they here?
What time is it?
Did I give them the right address?
Did I give them the right directions?
Did they ask for directions?
What time is it?
What time did I say to be here?
Is it the right day? (of course it's the right day)
Is it time?
What time is it?

Beat

What time is it?

Beat

Kay, what time is it?

Kay - It should be about time.

Elle - Uh, yes yes. Now should be the right time.

Kay - So...

Elle - Yes. I'm sorry. I'll be back in a moment.

Elle Exits

Kay - What a bitch.

Jay - God, are you for real right now?

Kay - What? She's a bitch.

Jay - Yes, but don't say that out loud.

Kay - Whatever. It doesn't matter.

Jay - She's already making this harder than it should be. And that shitty attitude you have isn't helping.

Kay - It's not like she wouldn't be such a twat if I was acting like care bear.

Jay - Well I guess well never find out because that odds of that happening are pretty low now aren't they.

Kay - Yes. Yes they are.

Elle Enters

Elle - O.K. I think we can start.

come and find me

2010-12-30T10:32:00.002-06:00

Elle-
Good you made it! Good, great.
This is great.
This...this, well I can't begin to tell you how important this is going to...how necessary, but that can wait.
I'm just glad you made it.
Early!
It's brutal out there, the elements and...everything. But, yes good you came!
Prepared. I see that; yes very much prepared.
I was always taught it was crucial to be prepared.
For anything. Well at least somethings.
In a perfect world I was supposed to be prepared for everything.
But who can do that? Do you know how much everything is?
It's a lot. By definition it is a lot.
No, yes, at my best I was prepared for somethings.
At my worst, I was prepared for the minimal catastrophe, the minimal disturbance, the minimal problems, the scrapes, bruises but not the uncontrollable, not the torrents that would come raining down.
But yes! You two. Very much in the opposite camp as myself.
Tea? Coffee? Sit.
While still, early.
You really should have some tea or coffee.
It's brutal out there.
Yes tea or coffee would be best.
and sit.
Sit.
Preparation. Yes.
I remember my mother would teach me the art of preparation.
Trust me it is an art.
But look at me preaching to the choir as they say.
An art, meticulous. Constant training and relearning.
But with an intuition of course. Sparks.
Revelations.
In all things.
Let me get you more.
It's something that you can't forget, no, forgetting is the worse kind of sacrilege.
I still remember being wrapped up; tight to the point of suffocation. Thick itch wool biting at my neck. Trading one redness and pain for another.
Arms restrained, bound severe and perpendicular to my body.
But it was good, it worth it.
Like all things that are difficult. worth it.
In the end.
Resilience, strength.
But I'm sure you two know all about that.
You made it here for christsake.
Sugar? milk
Is it too hot?
Not for the weak willed.
Drink up.

el aire que respira

2010-11-28T12:24:00.004-06:00

Jay - We're headed the right way...? Right?

Kay - ...Yes...probably...definitely.

Jay - What makes you say probably?

Kay - We're fine.

Jay - You just/

Kay - /I know what you're gonna say "You sounded so hesitant" "you waited to long to respond"

Jay - Yes and Yes

Kay - I said I would get us there and that's what I'm doing.

Jay - With your incredible sense of direction

Kay - I don't see you helping.

Jay - Constructive criticism/

Kay - /Is not a real form of helping. Plus! it's not what you're doing.

Jay - Don't tell me what I'm doing.

Kay - I'm telling you what you're NOT doing. Difference.

Jay - Ha! Semantics!

Kay - God! What are you doing to help?

Jay - ...Conversation?

Kay - Argument is not conversation.

Jay - Yeah sure it's not

Kay - What would stop me from leaving you here? You don't know where we are...

Jay - Shut up neither do you...that's why we stopped/

Kay - ONLY a vague idea where we're going/

Jay - Please! You don't know any better than I do

beat

Jay - Are we headed the right way?

Kay - Oh, I'll get us there. Even I have to murder and drag your body 100 miles/

Jay - Seriously that far?/

Kay - JUST so you'll stop asking if we're headed the right way.

Jay - You wouldn't be able to carry this much weight.

Kay - What're you; a buck 70? 80?

Jay - Thanks Paul Bunyun. There's a difference between dead weight and non-dead weight

Kay - Undead weight.

Jay - Night of the living, day of the. dawn of the, all movies about heavy think moving bodies

barreling towards you with no escape in sight.

Kay - Their arms, legs, their whatevers would break so easily.

Jay - Rot, decay. Time.

Kay - Solution. I'll wait a few days; brush away the maggots, worm etc. and then we'll see who's

carrying who.

Jay - Whom

Kay - ....fine....

Jay - So you're saying that it would take a few days?

Kay - Yeah, you know, to make sure enough is eaten away.

Jay - Or to get there, I mean if it's going to take a few days,

I mean if you have the time, I mean need the time to wait...

Kay - The soft tissue would go first. I guess the eyes, the fat

Jay - Because you said you knew how to get there.

Kay - And enough would fall away from the tougher, resilient, annoying stuff

Jay - And we've been walking for a while

Kay - Then just give a good ole heave

Jay - So you/

Kay - Jesus. We're here.

Boink-Boink in the Oink-Oink

2010-11-21T11:59:00.007-06:00

After a rocky start, everything seems to be coming together. Yes, after the trains, the walking, the bus, things are starting to look up.

It's the holidaze. Well it's one particular holiday!

THANKSGIVING

pssh spanksgiving.

And we're all up in Upstate's snatch and it smells good (ughhh gross)!

Now any other liberal would take this space and talk about, indigenous genocide and stolen lands and misappropriation of history etc...

But not here, not now because, while all those things are true and are even more important to talk about; it's annoying.

Espesh if it's done stuffily (stuffingly?).

What I'm talkin' 'bout is delicious food in large quantities and fresh air and drinking at like 12 noon and walking up the next day at about 11!

It's about being with people that love you and that you love and being able to escape the city and walk around in the dark without seeing the constant lights from buildings and street lamps, only seeing the occasional car's headlights disappear, it's red back end winking out of existence.

It also about feeling a little bit of that loneliness that comes when you remember past holiday's and thinking about the people that you once spent them with and the next time you'll see them.

It's also about obscenely stuffing your face with as much Glazed Ham as humanly possible. I almost wrote Glazed Hamm which would also be delicious in amore erotic kinda way; possibly (definitely) stickier.

At the end of my second heaping helping (ole school 'lliteration) o'ham/garlic mashed potatoes/cranberries sauce/biscuits, I swore off of food.

Until the coffee/pumpkin cheesecake/walnut cookies came out.

GAME ON my friends

GAME ON.

And this left use around 7 in the evening which lead to much beer and wine and cognac with much playing of card games!

Rummy!

Who a new a game that's almost essentially for old white ladies would be somemuchfun?

Well maybe not so surprising since THANKSGIVING is a holiday essentially celebrating old white people! (<----- political!)

Then a nice little walk near some woods, where if we had somehow stubbled into a scary movie I would most certainly be the first to die. Not because I'm a double minority but because I'm a slutty double minority. I was excited and I ran to the cemetery, grabbed Mr. 6'4'' and started getting my mack on.

This would be the point on the story, when I would stop and say, "What did you here that?" (which I did say)

Mr. 6'4'' "wonkster stop playing around"

"no seriously, wait here" (which I did say)

I would walk up the hill closer to woods, flashlight in hand, leaving Mr. 6'4'' behind no flashlight but safer near the road. I would turn back flashlight point at Mr. 6'4''. All of a sudden there would be a rustle and a rush my light would go out, the sound of tearing flesh whether by instrument, teeth or claws (depending on the genre) would be heard, I would be dead and Mr. 6'4'' would be left alone to run back to the house and see how the rest would play out.

But it didn't happen that way.

BECAUSE IT'S THANKSGIVING

duh

ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-11-11T17:25:00.006-06:00

I've made some changes to this piece of shit.

look it's Yelle!

It looks pretty kewl right?

look! It's El Guincho! Look! It's NSFW

(for a whoooooole bunch a titties)

It's kinda misogynist but it looks cools so it's a'ight right?

PS I CHANGED THE LAYOUT

?

yeah but yeah but why

2010-11-03T16:39:00.005-05:00

I most (what is 1, 2?) people that ready this blog know, I like to make loud and proud proclamations (<---- that took me like 4 times to get the right spelling...i also had to use spell check...) about what I'm doing and blah blah.

I j-j-joined a gym. For the low low price of $75 you too can join your local NEW YORK CITY gym. Well state run Y...but but the one near me has a nice pool. so ey'body can suck it.

suck it hard

suck it long and hard

...ummmm this isn't that type o'blog pervert.

So yes, your truly has joined a gy-um no matter how, to use a classist and apparently kinda racist term, "podunk" it still counts. Pretty soon I'll be...all...I can't even think of an adjective of what my body will look like because unless I get a personality transplant, my xxxercise will be inconsistent at best.

I have started drinking more water, so that's something.

I have started thinking about starting eat better. So, while I'll still eat a burger and sweet potato fries, I'll feel bad about eating that meal. Sorta.

sorta.

but only a little...

halloweenie

2010-10-31T01:04:00.005-05:00

I was watching my friend move across the dance floor.

She was dosed in blood from head to toe; her hair in ridiculous braids on either side of her much too old head. Wearing only a white slip, which I suppose in the same situation would be deemed sexy but in this particular scene was empty and cold. Her face was blank as she passed me by. Once I got her attention she turned to me, her face more sullen and vast and sad then I have ever seen it. "Have you seen my friend Marco and my friend Caitlen," both of whom I have meet before. She was looking at me like a stranger, which I guess we had become. At that moment she seemed so far removed from reality that she was like a ghost to me. She was the reminder of all the times I was endlessly searching for someone. Half dead or Half drunk and it made me...it made me...it made me something I've neither the vocabulary or the emotional depth to understand. So I left. In the arms of someone I love. In the arms of someone that I have found through my half drunk half dead search.

and I guess this bloody spectre with disco lights behind her and pulsating bass around her will stop being a symbol.

for both our sakes.

Dammit

2010-10-27T20:46:00.003-05:00

So I've stopped the progress (comma lack of?) on my plizzy. <-----wait, that sound too much like piss, or not enough. I should probably "go there" more. Play, I mean play!

My lack (I almost typed lake) of progress is mostly due to 1 thing.

I'm super super super super, like super duper, lazy...and horribly crippled by my own feelins' of inadequacy.

Hell ya inadequates! Put ya hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care that you don't wave them as well as other people. Who are they to judge? You know? Maybe you just wave your hands different? Because I mean, come on, if eeeeeeeeverybody waved them the same then, then, then, ummm...oh, you were clapping? Well that's just...embarrassing. Put your hands down, just...put. them. down.

Or or or, no listen, or, that I really had no concrete idear of what my jam was gonna be about.

It was going to be something about something. If that isn't concrete than I'm certain I don't understand what the word concrete means!

But for realsies you guys? Now that I'm starting to think about this play thing more? I actually wasn't really going for it. I was thinking in these kinda abstract (expressionist) ways. I was getting ahead of myself. I was going right to the abstract with out getting my stract on. You know?

Boy has Wife; Boy has Girlfriend; Boy has Best-friend.

Boy has crippling disease that is slowly breaking down all his facilities to act like boy has normal life. Boy will go to any length to stop it.

Maybe boy just needs to fucking sleep.

donuts and with no nuts

2010-10-26T17:17:00.002-05:00

I google image searched "hipster donuts" and i got this:

lame.

and I'll blog if I want to

2010-10-23T18:04:00.005-05:00

It's my birthday

just in case you didn't know. just in case you failed to notice. just in case you couldn't take off of your busy schedule. Because it always you you you isn't it? and this one day, this time, where it might just be about me, you don't remember. It doesn't even cross your mind. I didn't even ask for much. I didn't even ask you to do anything above and beyond what would be considered just...just something that anyone would be more than happy to do. Or at least fake it for one day at least.

What do you do that so important? Just make up stories all day. Stories that don't even make fucking sense.

One day a little boy was walking by a field. A field that he had been to many times. Each time the boy would study the field learning it's landscape it's texture; the smells, everything seemed empty, dirty. The boy was fond of the pool of water that was near the field. The pool of water wasn't something that you would call nice or pretty or even pleasant. The water in the pool was shallow and stagnant, teeming with unknowable things. It buzzed and hummed but there was no movement in or around it. No swarm of flies or mosquitoes or whatever common thing that was found elsewhere was found here. The little boy one day gathered as much courage and strength that he could find. Walked to the pool pulled out his gun. He was together with the pool. But the boy did not become a part of it, no, the outside infected him. Yes, there it he was mingling with the pool; oil in water. Not all of it, not even much it; the rest his body, his skull and bones and guts, belonged to the flies and all the base things he was so desperate to be separated from. But, of course, the boy knew none of this, all that was reflected in his eyes was the pool with it's murky water and his blood finally joining the shore.

happy birthday, I mean happy halloween, I mean, I mean

here again

2010-10-17T17:09:00.003-05:00

It's been a while (A MONTH! {actually a month and a week!}) since i've written in here!

I've dusted the corners free of the cobwebs (halloweEeEn), all pearly and irridescent that have blossomed with lack of activity. Hacked away the ivy that has run wild making my blog it's home.

My blog!

My blog!

See? Different emphasis! Different! emphasis! That means I care! Or that I simple don't know how to say sentences in order for them to make sense.

(it's been a while) <--- that was supposed to be said in a Southern Accent™.

iyt's bin ah y-ahwl (better!)

So the spookiest of all months is upon us. Slowly but surely the leaves are dropping, the weather is changing , the cardigans are pulled on everything everything everything is starting to go to sleep and will soon wake up as ZOMBIES!

I was loosing you there, I could tell.

I went to a haunted haus or as a mr. dennis cooper calls it a SPO0O0OKY House (extra O0O0 mine) with the ole bouyfrienz. Yes you heard it here first, if i've never met you in real life, and our only form of communication is this is blog. If there is sucha person(s?) out there, hello!

The haus was called Blood Manor™ it was spooky and more than a lil cooky and it made me want a hot dog, well corn dog rul bad.

But where was I? Oh yes! It's OCTOBER.

which means my motherfuckin' birthday.

Amirite

As a gift I promise to post more!

you're welcome?

I can't explain

2010-09-10T14:13:00.006-05:00

So the Wiikend is upon us.

I use the royal "us" curz this weekendz isn't upon me.
What is upon me is tomorrow I have to work (YOU BETTA WERQUE). I will once again haul my half dead/half drunk carcass out of my womb-room; off my Ikea bed (60 dollaz ya'll), make like a tree and slowly wilt away and die, my leaves falling off as the briskness of fall seeps into my trunk AND GO TO WORK.

If that made any sense to anyone they need to get their noggin' noodled with.

I've basically been looking at gif's of the Jersey Shore™ all day. So I'm keep this lil jolly open and we'll see where the non-weekend weekend takes us? a'ight?

a'ight.

So after work, on Friday, i got my fettucini alfredo on (I almost typed fattucini alfredo SAME).
I ate an entire thing of that last night.

It was probably meant for two people but since my boifrienz is off jet setting to LA with his white thigh high go-go boots and micro-mini (that's the image i get whenever I use the term "jet-setting" which is why I use the term so much), with his sister.

TWIN sister fyi

(it's nothing like this....or is it?...it's not.)

Saturday came and gone and you blinked and it was still there but you turn your head for a moment, for a moment, then it leaves you, with your book in your hands and without a word to say.

I had a nice dinner wit my sista.

Well, I ate dinner I had two big ass slices of my moms lasagna.

OK listen:

1.) my moms lasagna is the shit

2.) there is no number two because there is no need.

It tasted exactly like I remembered it, which is saying something since it had been, oh about 6 years or so since I've last eaten it.

AND GURRRRRRL IT WAS GOOOOD

it was very good. My mother, is a wonderful cook.

After some pleasant conversation I went home.

And presently I'm watching Jersey Shore™

I will be watching Jersey Shore™ all day. Don't judge me.

Not after what I saw you do that one time at that one thing. Don't think I don't remember.

even though

2010-09-07T16:17:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, many times, well most of of time; no no no, mostly some of the time, you start to feel kind of, just, yuuuech. You know?

It's all those new things swirling around. unending.That's not right. What a waste. Shown, I guess, what you thought you had or didn't have or have never had being shoved in your face.

Good

I'm glad we got all that out of the way. It's right and it's normal and you feel like an asshole for fucking it up. Because, you don't know how to not be a jerk. So you don't and you try and you hope it's enough and if it isn't enough, well, you'll keep trying because that's the only thing you can do.

That's what it is.

Did anyone notice that I didn't say one thing in this blerg post.

not
one
damn
thing

image via : Buzzfeed

I love you from the

2010-09-02T12:45:00.002-05:00

It's September steps away from the official beginning of Fall and it's
HOT
AS
BALLS outsides

Which is why I'm inside. Well not only the reason I'm inside I'm also inside because I need to be makin' that monAY. Because unlike vacation life when you can ignore money and eating and drinking and other forms of general irresponsibility, real life you deal with bills and rent and metro cards and groceries and I only have 10 dollars until Thursday.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels...?....?

No, food tastes good; great, even!

Life has been weird and new full of new and weird moments

Good

in my mind

2010-08-28T11:44:00.003-05:00

CHICAGO

I’ve been putting off starting this whole blizzog (blizzard blog?) post, for I think, the OBVIOUS reason, that I can’t be funny about Ch-ch-ch-chicago. At least not in the same way that I can be funny about any other shit town in the ole U-S of A. I guess because this city still has a lot of sentimental value for me. It was the city I started being a real live HU-MAN.

So yes, my feelings are a little more earnest when it comes to this, the windiest of cities. On the other hand FUCK IT

Right?

I got off at O’Hare and thought, why is this aeropuerto so big? And why is ey’body so fat? And I thought oh yes a’course it’s the mid-motherfuckin-west baby!

So I took the trusty (?) blue line to Logan Sq where I am and will be currently staying for the duration.

I called my friend Yas, and was all like, “hey gurl how you livin’ where ya apty at?” or something along those lines. She gave me her directions and thinking I was “all that and a bag of chips” I though oh hell yeah I know this city. In reality I’ve never spent that much time in Logan Sq and even when I did live here I constantly google mapped everywhere and was lost pretty much 70-80 percent of the time. So I walked the opposite direction for a good 3 blocks and turned myself around and I made it! I made it the place I was staying.

No police had to be called, no dogs let loose, no search parties sent out endlessly searching for the body that will never be found because the meat has been scavenged, the bones picked clean and long since buried. No! None of that happened.

But I made it. I set my shit down and said look world! Look Chicago! Here I am.

I situated myself and soon was out the door with Yas enjoying the fresh Midwestern air, the ample streets, the trees along the side walk; the trees! So many trees! And not all designated to parks!
We got Thai and then we ate brownies that had a little somethin’ extra…nuts! Walnuts! We had brownies with some of her friendies from school and grrrrrrrrrrl dem brown were güd.

I then met up with my ole roomie Jax and had a heartfelt hug and talked about life over a beer…then…we watched South Park with her boyfriend and boyfriends brother. Slow down! So crazay!

After the pleasantries, reminiscing and a good night sleep Jax, BBS, his bro and I got our BURGER ON. We went to Kumas Corner, Kumas Korner? whatever. It’s this kinda famous burger place in here in Chicago and I had the most delicious burga evah. NOM NOMNOM. It had a fried egg, bacon and cheddar. UUUUUUuuuuuuuugh things that make you mmm things that make you go mmm-mm-mmm.

Needless to say, we had lunch at noon and I was full until about the next day.

That didn’t stop me from going to eat some good Indian food on Devon. It was *kissy hand motion that the French make when they talk about food, delectable. Dinner was with a couple of friends that I hadn’t seen since they last visited New York. It was great to see them and be able to have a conversation with them even though for all purposes we hadn’t seen each other in a little over a year. And even then we never really talked talked.

But it was way the hell on the NorthSide took my like 4evaz to get there and back.

The next morning I took another trip to the Northside.

BUT FIRST

I walked to Wicker Park and went to a bookstore that was pretty great. Old and musty (just like I likes’em). Then headed up.

Yas and I got Vietnamese sammichez. For crazy cheap; three fitty for sammie!

Then we walked around boiztowne. Passed the bathouse and thought hey you! Wink wink wink…I’ve never went in it though…what? Me? Psshaw. Never…

Actually never.

Then we went to the Whole Foods where I eat a slice of pizza. Only 1 ½ hours after I had a sammich. Food and weight don’t matter on vacation just like money and alcohol. It’s a thing. You know the vacation warp. We trucked up back to the apt. Had a few beerz and made some cookies up in the bitch!

Chocolate chip and chocolate chip and cranberry. AAAAAwwww yeah.

Another productive day this time with culture on all fronts.

Full frontal

On this explicitly adult day I went with M. Scott and a painter friend of his to The Art Institute of Chicago Museum.

We went to the only worth while part of the museo according to my artbro friend, the modern wing.

The one piece that really got to me was the Felix Gonzalez-Torres candy piece.

The premise of the piece is that, there is a space that is designated with different candies; the weight of the candies equal to the weight of his lover that passed away due to AIDS (heavy I know). As the day passes observers are welcome to take the candies ultimately changing the weight, which is replenished each day.

It’s a bittersweet piece. The observer eating the candy is essentially consuming the artists lover and the lover is revitalized each day. On the flip-side each day the lover wastes away diminishing in weight as he did when the artist lost him. It’s sad and beautiful and inspiring.

It isn’t dreary or tragic but essentially, Gonzalez-Torres is paying homage to his lover’s passing and giving him continual life.

Ooooh this just turned into art motherfuckin’ hstry ya’llz

It was good.

Saw some other art fart that was good but that was the highlight for me.

On the other cultural side, I watched Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Surprise! I’ve never seen this movie.

Harrison Ford is hot.

That is all.

Beach day fun day.

Went to the gay beach, wore my slightly more modest bathing suit (it is the Midwest HELL-O), dipped into Lake Michigan and lay in the sun, as I am want to do.

And then for the main event. I had dinner with Theo and we went to THE HOPLEAF or heaven in my mouth. Nonsexy heaven. I had the CB&J sammich.

CASHEW BUTTER
FIG JAM
STETSON CHEESE
GRILLED

You heard me. (I, I just died in your arms tonight)

Obvioulsy delicious Belgian Beerz and then some wine to tap it all off.

Oh we saw a babay possum at the wine place after I had my sanish.

My God that was a good sandwich. It lived up to memory, which very few things can. The gooey cheese and the perfect ratio of jam to cashew butter…SO GOOD

UUUUUGHHH

Oops sorry bout that, let my just, wipe…this…up and we can continue.

Then I came home and watched Friday with Jax and we decided that Ice Cube was a hottie and we would smoke with him any day. WINK

Oh and I’ve been making a shit ton of blingeez.

I got my tourist on, on Thursday.

But first I had a delicious non-touristy brunch with Jax and Yas, at Lula Café. NOM NOM French toast and a bloody mary, no better way to start the day. amirite?

THEN I got my tourist on. I went to Millennium Park, took a picture of water fountain block things or whatever, the bean and the Frank Gehry auditorium. ALL ALONE

Frown

Pssh whatever who needs friends to share experiences and memories and special moments.

I sure…don’t.

This trip so far has been about reliving , revisting, re-eating, re-drinking (sure why not that makes sense, right? Sure!) my experience while I lived here a year or so ago in Chicago.

Today was about, I guess, new things…? I don’t know something about doing things that I’ve never done before in Chicago.

Like getting drunk and dancing, oh OOPS done that.

And my time here ends in a bangy whisper or something.

SUCK IT NERDS I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY.

Build your own Blingee

I fell

2010-08-21T18:55:00.002-05:00

Chicago, or Chicken cargo as no one calls it ever, here I come!

So I stupidly got a car service to take me to JFK airport…so so dumb.

Because I’m just much too lazy to take the train then another train then another train or a bus to get to the airport.
Because I’d rather wait till the last minute to pack up my things.

Because my roomiee had a bday and we had to celebrate starting at 12 o’clock in the afternoon starting with BRUNCH at a French restaurant with beer and bloodies. And then because my roommate likes the fancy things in life I bought a couple of bottles of 11 dollar champagne!

KNOCK KNOCK who’s there? MR. MOTHERFUCKIN FANCY CLASS THAT’S WHO.

So we knocked those two back because why not? What did our livers ever do for us?

A lot.

Then our bestie friendie barkin came to our apartment. More wine. Then we went to some bougie cocktail place and had one bougie cock-tale each. Then we had some AMAZING Japanese fusion food. Listen I’m not a foodie, I hate the term and I hate those people BUT guuuuuuuuurl it was GOOOOD.

After we feasted like kings are at least like dukes, at the very very least earls…?

We went to some other semi-bougie cocktail place, then of course we ended up at Metropolitan the local homosexual watering hole.
Oh god I was about to make a disgusting play on words…Well not really play on words more like a rearrangement of words. Let’s just say it was along the lines of homosexuals watering their holes. (< --- see? no good, not at all).

Where was I? Ah, yes, so I dumbly paid monayz to get here but whatever. I’m in the plane truckin’ to Chicago. And that is all that matters.

PLUS

Jet motherfuckin’ Blue has MTV; hello Jersey Shore™

Embarrassing!

FYI

chicago is nothing like this

soon though, soon the wheels while turn again and we'll be back to where it started

i'm breaking my

2010-08-14T11:30:00.004-05:00

Is this going to be an ongoing thing?

It's saturday! Once again! I'm at work! exclamation pointzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, more like

SEXclamation points?

I had a bit of a celebration last night. (SEXlebration? )I think I'm just going to randomly insert sex in words. And that friends is how a trend is started (sextarted) <- that could be two werdz!

Where was I? Yes. I had a bit of a celebration last night. And by bit I mean a lot of a celebration. becuarz I gots myself a new JOB. Still at my same place of employ but with a new job! No more SEXcretary work for me! No sir, no thank you ma'am, I'll be just fine.

So I was out at the clurb gettin' my drankz on! And then flashforward I was at home eating chicken nuggets.

Somethings are lost and can never be reclaimed. There are moments that are left or forgotten. These are the times that you can only regret because you can never remember. If a tree falls in the woods who's gonna pick up the remains of the body that the tree fell on? Things sextinue.

This thing rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally got away from me!

So yes; new job, finishing up present job, go me.

And did I mention 3 day weekends? I mean sexkends?

I REPLACED WEE WITH SEX

chunk of thrown coal

2010-08-12T11:53:00.005-05:00

I opened this up and realized I have NOTHING to say.

So I'll do what, I usually do; hurl things against the wall and hope that it sticks!

That's productive right? That won't make for cringe-worthy writing? Duh, of course it won't this is America ifffffffffffffffffff you hadn't noticed. We do what we want, when we want, with the most minimal talent required. Ugh "talent." psssh "ability," fancy 5 dollar words, that most certainly mean nothing, other than...you have skills and like talent n'stuff. Whatever!

And when I said I had nothing to post was before I found THIS:

O_o

and i will be your deary

2010-08-09T12:35:00.003-05:00

What does it mean when you're late to your first therapy session because you simply forgot your insurance card and had to, had to, had to run back home to get it. KNOWING that it takes about 30 minutes to get to your apt and back to the office.

WAS I SABOTAGING MYSELF?

Short answer is no. Long answer is still no.

I just forgot my G.D. ins. card because I haven't been using my wallet because my wallet is a sticky piece of shit.

I've joined the ranks of the endlessly neurotic seeking introspective help.

or something! feelings! They're weird!

So it was new and different but also nice. The therapist talked just enough to get me talking more. There was a whole lot of talking and it wasn't all gobbledy-gook (<---the sounds kinda racist?)!

So that's that. If things ever get TOO REAL, which presumably they will, since I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that's what therapy is all about. I'm probably not going to talk about it in this mofo.

there. i'm seeing a psychotherapist and now we wait *twiddles thumbs

To friends

2010-08-02T22:55:00.003-05:00

I hate the fact that even though i made the obvious WEEKEND tag this is in fact not my weekend. This isn't even the squeakend, you know? No chipmunks runnin' round here. It's just another work day.
I'm here.
I'm queer.
And I'm a lil over it.

I didn't like the phrase "over it" for a long time. I thought it added a dismissive quality to the situation that the speaker was in, that, instead of placing them in the dominate position, the speaker was letting themselves become passive in whatever they (the speaker) was either over or under. And then I thought to myself, "Why the fuck am I think about this, I'm over it!" Then it clicked, like so many finger snapping drag queens. I knew. When you become "over" something/someone/some situation, not only do you negate it's dominance, you also in turn regard it with such disdain that the mere thought of it will make you physical sick, so you choose not to think about it anymore.

Just me? Whatever *eye roll

AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING SEXTRA:

C- Oh hey It’s L! Beer? Let me go get you…

L- party still going on?

As C exits

C- did it ever stop!

M- Will it?

L – will…?

M – C ever stop being his charming self?

L – Very/ little chance of that

G – /Oh please at least/ he’s entertaining

L – Entertaining is certainly a word for it.

M – Yeah, bullfighting is also entertaining

L – Not if you’re the bull.

M – Not if you’re the bullfighter

L – Matador

G – It’s a spectacle

L – Where’s that beer? Spectacle?

G – yeah the crowd; excitement

M – Blood

L - -Gore

M – Mauling’s

G – Did you check behind?

Off

C – Found it!

C enters with beer hands it to L

M - -About time, what took you so long?

L – Just…I went through this day and I didn’t know what time it was. Didn’t even look-ask. Walked around...not sure if I did anything. Met up with this…eh he was charming and yeah. Sorry I’m late.

C – The nice outfits; all sparkley n’shit

G – It’s traditional…not sure why

M – Charming….name?...initial?

L – What’d I miss?

C- I was just—

G – instigating

M – Being an asshole –

C – Broken record

L – Having fun I see

M – C was regaling us with wisdom he picked up some 10 or so years ago back while he was playing games in some class. Psychology, Sociology? God knows, C surely doesn’t…

C – Just because I touched a nerve.

L – Not hard

G – Thank you

M – Of course it’s not hard when you try so much.

C – You call that trying?

G/L//C – Please!

G – It is. I know it is…Not trying is just vaguely…it’s just a vague sense of being vaguely annoying

Beat

L – Charming; outgoing to the point of almost being…overwhelming

M – But not, right?

L – No, I mean yeah, right.

C – So you met someone, who isn’t an asshole.

L – Yeah I guess I did.

boom clap

2010-07-27T07:40:00.003-05:00

First, can you believe that it's August?
Which means that the summer is almost over? Which means that soon I won't be able to wear shorts? and tank tops? That I won't be able to go to the beach? Which means I'll have been at my current job for a year? AND OTHER QUESTIONS?

This summer so far has been pretty good. Dumb when it need to be. Drunk when it needed to be (ie most of all of the time)

Sidenote: when is it eg? and when is it ie? or re? it's one of those things that I have never figured out and I don't want to because, you know...I'm not a nerd.
Like, who and whom, for instance, I'm just gonna use'em interchangably because that's how I roll, uninformedly (and grammatically incorrect or as I like to call it "grammatically creative").

I've avoided hearing the Katy Perry song in any clurbz. Which doesn't mean I haven't listened to the Katy Perry song. It's a self-flagellation (word of the day!) of the gayest kind.

And Wednesday I'm going to the beach and I'm going to try to be a happy lil human and enjoy my summer like so many high school dramas taught me to act.

I wish they all could

2010-07-16T14:37:00.005-05:00

So I woke up around 12 cali-for-ni-a time and let me tell you something; it was awesome.

I'm sitting here in Aubz apty with her roomie writing in this ram-shamble of internet space.

I think I'm basically going to do a vacay round up and NOT right in this thing everyday like some kind of loser baby monkey man.

ASSTROOO BURGER was yummy and delicious and made my hert go boom ba-boom. But before that we took a drive up mullholland dr and saw all the pretty MANSIONS. then we went to a gay bar, in wich the night was called BIG FAT DICKS. Needless to say the bar was a lil trashy.

I woke up at 12! noon! that's 3! in real (NY TIME) then I walked around Melrose with D'smity (aubz roomie). It was basically like the scene It was basically like a scene from my most deepest fantasy. The fact that waking up at noon is a fantasy of mine, is something i have to live with everyday and I've learned to accept that.

I went shopping (gaycation shopping is the most dangerous type of shopping there is) and I bought several items one of them (my most favie baby one of them) being a gold necklace with a gold feather pendent.

YES AND YES.

Went to silverlake and had some margz w/some laydyayz. It was all pseudo-real housewives, but with the obvious and much need black lezbot.

Then we went to Griffith Park Observatory, of Rebel Without a Cause fame and I say the creeeepy bust of james. It was hellza weirrrrrd. Oh and we saw some russian tourist taking "classy" pictures of themselves. Not to seem xena(warriorprincess)phobic on ya'll but the russian tourist don't get what classy is I think. They have a vague idea but it always goes terribly wrong and earnestly slutty.

Then we met with some ca-li-fornia gayz and had some drankz. But srsly california gays are really touchy feely. I was a little put off by that. I'm like, i only touch you if I've known you for more than 1 year and/or am trying to sleep with you. Known of which applied to any o' dees gays. OR DID IT? it didn't.

BTW I was mistaken for Wilson cruz (don’t know who that is) El Oh El?

Today the ole gang, I almost typed the ole gayng (<--still valid) and I went to beach and sunned and frolicked. I got to see Malibu which was nice and I got to see the Pacific ocean which just felt so large and I got to wear my tiny swimsuit, which come on is every gays perfect day, amirite? After practicing being mermaids and wearing MATCHING swimsuits –slash- something that will here to forth be labeled “beach underwear” ???? yes!

We went homo. Watched a movie took a lil nap and went out d-d-d-dancing.

Well Aubz n I did D’smity stayed home.

We want to this thing called Cherry Pop or Popstars or Super Cherrypop, I’m not sure but it sounded thuper faggy, which I like. Another thang that I like? We got in for freezers. We got stuffed into freezers and carted in the back way. Right before we were going to be locked in we stuck out our arm and emerged ready to go out it. Or we ran into some rando and she had 2 other plus ones, which I guess in her sitch would be plus 3’s.

We were right behind her n’ her boifrienz and the woman at the door was like “are these your friends?” and she was all “…s…suuuuuuuuuuree, yeah, yes they are my friends, why not.” So we got special bracelets that woulda let us hang out with Kimberly Locke (who ever the fuck that is) but instead we didn’t and just danced.

THE MUSIC WAS ON POINT THE ENTIRE NIGHT. En Vogue, TLC, Maria, Brandy, Madonna, Robyn, Lady Gagz, CAN WE SAY GAY? Yes yes we can because we are.

We danced for a solid 2/2:30 hours.

sidenote: just saw someone with an Oberlin sweatshirt. We are a geeky bunch.

BTW I saw Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (lol)

Back to the story, Aubz and I were supposed to meet up with a friend and we did but he is what I’d like to call a searcher. Flitting from group to group scoping the scene for someone to take him home. He was sweet, just preoccupied. So we left him to his own devices and went home.

Oh I’m sorry, I left our the most important part. We go slurpees at the 7/11 before we went home.

Sunday, we woke begrudgingly early and went to the farmers market and gorged our self on free fruit/cheese/bread samples. It was amazing. And worth it. I also drank some sweet sweet lime-ade. Uuuuugh. Took a pill good time all the time.

Oh, and number two? PUG PUPPIES.

Afters, we went to Amoeba and got some records amd apparently I was singing something or another and I made a stranger uncomfortable! Hooray.

We then watched an amazing movie. It was amazing and a movie. We ended the day perfectly by eating pizza and watching Independence Day, welcome to Earth indeed.

Monday, yesterday I guess, D’smity and I went to Aubz place of work talked some smack and got lunch. Then we finshed my roll of film got donuts and simply enjoyed each others company.

Almost 5 days and I didn’t get a picture of a single landmark.

SUCCESS

California Love

2010-07-16T02:25:00.001-05:00

I’m going going back back to Cali Cali. I’m sitting in the ole hunk of metal and fuel jet-setting (where are my white thigh high go-go boots!?) my way to Californie to visit my friend Aubz. It’s been aaaaages, (like a month or something) since I’ve last seen her. It would be more climactic id she hadn’t already visited New Jerk City. Thanks a lot aubz, thanks for making this reunion all the less special.

I’m my flight to Chicago, since I can’t afford a direct flight, even when I bought my ticket like 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE, I was stuck beside a very presumptuous (<- who knew it was spelled like that! I didn’t!) women that asked my to hold her coffee for her. Well less of a request and more of a shoving a coffee cup into my paw and saying “hold this.” Well sure. I’ve been raised a polite Midwesterner, also I didn’t want scalding coffee to get all up on my lap. No sir and or ma’am that isn’t my cup o’tea. Sure if she had asked nicely or at all I woulda gladly said yes! I have nothing against small requests especially if we are going to be crammed into this glorified air bus.

A little later when the flight attendant was passin’ by with some snackies the woman beside me was takin’ a lil nap. After the attendant had passed, the woman roused and saw that I was enjoying my delicious, free airline snack, with my headphones in BEE TEA DOUBLE-U, proceeds to poke me and say “can you get me mine?” This woman as far as I can tell is perfectly healthy, robust even! So I just look over at her, I guess slightly incredulously, because come on, getcha own snack boo. She then amends her request, “can you get her attention so I can get my snack?” The flight attendant was already coming over, the woman beside me was wasting much need attention grabbing energy with me that should have been unleashed toward the attendant. She’s got the power of the cheese crackers and peanuts, not me friends, most certainly not me. So I simply raised my hand, when the attendant was passing and gestured toward my aisle companion.

I’m not complaining I barely did anything, I raised my hand and held a cup.

I’ve done more for less? I don’t even know if that’s true.

But wherever you my presumptuous flight friend, you’re welcome and thank you for teaching me the spelling of the word presumptuous.

California here we come!

2010-07-14T08:20:00.004-05:00

What a day and stupid motherfucking day to be my last day of work before my gaycavtion! That’s a vacation for gay people! See! I can be just as dumb as The Wall Street Journal !

It’s dreary, rainy, doubleshift kinda stupid day. SUCK IT

But for real ya’lls I’m going to California tomorrow. There are several things I’ve been doing to prepare. Several!

There are 4 songs that I’ve been listening to in order to get totally ready bro! They all have either California or L.A in them. Shut up; I’m lazy. PLUS dumb. I’m lazy and dumb.

Lets cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck them out?

California Girls by the Magnetic Fields, because…duh. Who doesn’t hate California laydays! They are shallow, materialistic…basically everything I am because I’m a ‘Merica BUT they have the added bonus of being in a sunny climate. This is why I hate California Girls!

California Girls by the Beach Boys, curz at the same time Cali girls are big ole slut bags so what’s NOT to love?.......! These boys just love going to the beach and makin’ music. The one offensive is the line about Midwest Girls. They don’t know how to make you feel good. That’s why I’m gay. CLASSIC

Ode to L.A. by The Ravenoettes. Who doesn’t want to just get the eff out of wherever they are and go to a place in which the American Mythos has created to be full of sun, beautiful people, glamour and something else…botox, I think. To see how the other coast lives. To possibly (most likely) get annoyed by those sun-dappled assholes. Get a salad or something, I don’t know what they eat over there.

In California by Joanna Newsom because I’m kind of a sentimental hippie at heart. Seriously! If you chip away at the pretension and idiocy, I’ma flower child wishing only peace and love and the crossing of borders (unless you’re an illegal DUH ;( ) and the reconnecting of people and exploration of things that you don’t know and have never seen.

I’ve also been watching non stop Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Squeeeeeeeeee! To get ready to get my self thrown into the hellmouth.

WOOOLF HOOOOOWL Dananana-dananana (guitar riff) buffy song.

I'm out!

Things change but they're still the same

2010-07-13T13:42:00.005-05:00

This seem a good a time as any to talk about M(m).I(i).A(a).’s MIA’s new album appropriately (?) titled /\/\/\Y/\ (<-- get it? That’s her name! in idiot). So right off the bat I think she was trying to create an alienating affect (<-- I meant what I said) with the album name. It’s virtually ungoogle-able and looks like a hodge-podge of rando-puter speak but surprise, it’s her name! MAYA using front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash capital “y”- front slash-back slash. And yes I did need to explain that just to bring that little piece of annoyance I have with the album to the forefront. Honestly besides making it unsearchable I don’t know why she did it? To look unique or maybe she was high, with baby ikhid on her arms or however you spell that. TO THE MUSIC

I’ve been listening to /\/\/\Y/\ non stop for about 4 days. I listened to it 2-3 times in a row when I got it.

It was/is good.

The beginning track “The Message” calls back to the Arular era of M.I.A., politicized statement with the play on a kids song “connected the google; connected to the gvt” indeed! Her sometimes insightful, sometimes insane, sometimes inane commentary works best musically. Is it the beat? Duh. She’s articulate in her music in a way that doesn’t come off sounding just…frustratingly dumb and un-nuanced, with the beat and the occasionally clever turn of phrase she is able to at least not sound kinda, ridiculous IRL.

One of my favorite tracks is “Steppin’ Up.” I think because it shows what M.I.A. can sound like when she is working with what sounded the most successful before. It has a rough beat using the noiserock scheme and applying it with dancehall/hip-hop sensibilities. The same can be said about "XXXO" with it's slightly clearer beats as well as "Teqkilla." Although at times some of the lyrics can be lost in the over powering beats. Which, honestly the lyrics and the beat are the reasons we listen to MIA, no? One gem in "Teqkilla," is "I got iky iky wiky sticky weeee(d?); shot of tequila in me" I sincerely hope she rolled in her love for her son, her weed and her booze all in one glorious and catchy hook. These are the most extremely dancable tracks. It' MIA the way we remember her, more mature and a little more adventurous with her beats and samples.

In "Lovalot" and "Story to be Told" MIA heads to more of her rapping/spoken word. Will not to terrible innovative it is catchy none-the-less. The beginning of "Story to be Told" can be a but grating as if the track was too simple at first so they just kept adding more on. It doesn't become more interesting, it just becomes muddy and a lil weird ya'll. "Lovalot" is reminiscent of "Bambo Banger" in Kala to the point of being confused for it, while not bad, just seems out of place in an album whose sound has grown a lot from her previous LP's. So it's isn't ole skool ya'll it's just kinda done n done.

The next tracks though not in order chronologically on the album are all stylistically similar. "It Takes a Muscle," "It Iz What It Iz," "Tell Me Why," "Space." Here MIA is playing with the new all the rage chillwave. It's basically music you can listen to when it's 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning, your wasted, finally just relaxing/coming down/getting high and you can just do a slow jamz with it. At of all the four listed "It Iz What it Iz" is the least successful. It's not nuanced and all redundant, nothing interesting, it's filler at it's worst. The rest are all good. I guess, not spectacular but apt. "Tell Me Why" of the chillwave is the most memorable and worthy of listening on repeat.

"Born Free" and "Meds and Feds" are...a disappointment. MIA, trying to expand her sound to include some drum driven rock beats just sounds, harried. It's not worth listening to, kinda? It sounds like a rehashing of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs or Le Tigre. Just been done.

Most of the lyrics deal with Ms. Maya's dealing with her new place in the world. It comes in conflict with MIA's dual identity; clinging to her war torn past (THIRD WORLD DEMOCRACY), but embracing the hip-hop/rap aesthetic of swagger, while ACTUALLY being super-duper rich because of who she married and what she married into. So there are times when the lyrics come off a little whiny and other where it seems her confusion does play it in her music and lyrics.

So all in all. It's good listen. Not a great listen, nothing revolutionary or groundbreaking, which is what MIA is always trying to do. It doesn't really do that. She does expand her sound some with mixed results.

So listen and enjoy for what it is and only be a little disappointed at what it tries to be.

Or not! Who am I to tell you what to listen to! Just some jerk!

it's my heart not me

2010-07-01T13:58:00.004-05:00

I'm a sleepy sally today.

K and T (hello! thanks! please, enjoy! no no no, this one's on me!) can attest that.

I was thinking about all the horrible movies I promised I would treat myself to.

Movies like, Sex in the City 2: Operation Desert Sandblast Facelift or Twilight Eclipse: The Hunt for Vadge October.

I don't know. If these are the movies that er'body went midnight screening crazy over why not watch them!

Here's why, because they would probably make any sane person gladly claw out their eyes.
But
BUT the absolute genius that are these cinematic gems is that they have the endless potential for unintentional hilariousness. Like when some gets hit with a ball or when you see toolbags on skateboards fall and hurt themselves.

IT'S MAJOR LULZTIMEZ,

So I guess it's kind of hipsterish, my desire to watch these movies.....? Or my desire to be a part of mainstream pop culture yet simultaneously be a part from it. I dunno!

Either way I do want to watch THIS MOVIE:

So, how'd you like it? Thanks for coming. Oh and say hi to the kids for me, they grow up so fast don't they? I can't believe little Susy graduated and is starting Smith in the fall. And I'm sure Drew will find his footing; he's always been a free spirit.

Oh and hey I'll make some of my famous polenta in the future, I know how much you enjoyed it that last time. I just haven't had the time! so so so busy! Well thanks again!

Oh and next you come around, do you mind wiping your feet? There's shit all over my new rug.

Another

2010-06-29T13:42:00.002-05:00

It’s summer again and again and again summer tends to bring out the worst/best in me people. I—errr I mean people, sure people…tend to drink a lil more (uuuh hello; cook outs, bars with outdoor areas, beach trips, festivals, concerts, picnics, weekends, Thursdays), dress a little sluttier (tank tops n’ shorty shorts). While in general there is nothing wrong with any of these things when taken to X-treme things can get a little, collar-pullingly awkward; especially meeting new people. It can be as what only can be described as a Jekyll and Hyde situation or at worse a Ke$ha situation. Something no body enjoys but everyone will remember…because it was just…YUCK!

Summer is the time for a lot of things. It’s a virtual hotbed of change and discomfort, soothed and aggravated by those characteristic mentioned above. If your lucky you find a balance and meet someone decent, or, you know, not.

Summer is a time for heated ambition that should be cooled, unless you want to make a jackass of yourself with how much you’ve invested yourself in a possibility. And then when that possibility that you talked your fool ass self into thinking was in inevitability blows up in your face. Because no matter how much you think you deserve something, or how much you think you would be the perfect candidate for the job, life has a way of oh saying “uuuhhhh I think you’ve confused your life with a special episode of Saved by the Bell.”

So my attempt at ambition was shot down like so many old yellers. I got put the fuck down. So I’m going to wail and rage and bloody my knuckles, tear at my hair, questioning once again the choices I’ve made. And then I’ll go home and drink and eat ice scream. Because why not, I enjoy being a stereotype.

Because what else is there when something doesn’t go your way and you have no control over it. When people were an your side and a technicality keeps you from what you want. When you’ve spent some much of your life hearing no no no that for once the idea of yes seemed so appealing that you trick yourself into saying yes too.

GOD

I sound like an emo poet from the Midwest.

No substance only whining. I’m like the McDonalds of blogs.

The McChicken of posts.

A plot of land

2010-06-23T12:34:00.006-05:00

After my anXXXiety (<-sexy!) fit yesterday, I had a well rested night last night. OR SO I THOUGHT. I found my sleep briefly disturbed by a dream that I haven't had in a while.

I found myself back in the neighborhood I grew up in, but everything was slightly twisted sideways/inside out. It was like when you revisit a place that you knew really well but like half the buildings had been taken down and new ones had been erected (<-heh) that didn't seem to quite belong.

I was trying to figure out what exactly had happened to my picturesque nightmare of a home town, when I was being chased. Like prior times I've had this dreams I can never see the face of my pursuer. There is always a shadow or a fog that seems to cover his face. It's really fucking scary. So there I was, dream me running for my life, again.

When I reached that moment of dream realization (dreamization?) where I'm like oh a'duh you dreamin' stupid. Unlike the cool cool coolio dream manipulating things that you can do, like fly n' things, I couldn't do any of that shit.
All I could do is wonder why I couldn't wake myself up. I did manage to wake up once I was safely sheltered in my dream best friends dream house not to be confused with the horror show that is Barbies Dreamhouse of broken dreams and bloody corpses. I climbed through my dream friends attic window, which he doesn't have in real life, and I was safe.

Well safe for the moment since I knew that he would find me. It's been, what? Like 3-4 years since I've had this dream, so maybe he'll find me again, like nightmares on phlegmstreet, spo0o0o0ky! So I woke up pissed because I wasn't able to, you know kick some dream ass.

And that was that. And this is this:

M – This. This is why not no one likes you. I don’t like you, L can’t stand you, G only tolerates you because he’s known you the longest. It’s because you are an asshole. Not one of those rakish assholes, nope. Just an asshole.

C – Because I don’t spout platitudes? Because I know that things might not end up O.K. and choose not to delude myself into thinking that they will?

M – You think that you’re doing everyone such a great service.

C – Aren’t I?

M – You have no filter, you have no regard for anyone’s feelings, anyone's.

G has been sitting, drinking his beer. Continues to watch.

M – You just say thing that are incredibly…ugh…stupid-

C – Why? Why is it stupid? I don’t like to sugar coat things because what’s the point? Isn’t the truth what everyone wants to hear? No. Obviously, not. People want to feel special, unique, like they can conquer anything. Not true. The truth isn’t beautiful; it’s dirty and hard and will sit on your chest torturing you. Immovable.

M – Listen Cassandra, you aren’t the harbinger of truth. You are just a guy that says things to bring attention to himself because he thinks his pop psychology will somehow validate his awfulness.

Each time the

2010-06-22T14:57:00.003-05:00

Is it oxymoronic, or simply moronic to be an anxious Midwesterner?

Answer?
Both.

Coming from the land of wide open spaces, field and flat lands and so on, it was perfect breeding ground to be relaxed and confident, knowing your places in the wide open expanse.

Wrong, the agoraphobes yell, their voices muffled from with the confines of their homes.

My anxiety often knows no bounds like those waves of grain or whatever we had, (soy I think) or grammatical rules. To completely contradict myself, I guess going back to my wide open spaces opening (ßDixie Chicks song, sue me; I grew up in OHIO), I do tend to find some relief when I’m in those locations.

Still, as an anxious Midwesterner I was never able to find solidarity with my brood (is that even the right word? Sure why not) in Ohio. Thank goodness I was able to find comfort and understanding with my big city brethren. The tall buildings, narrow streets, mass of people and constant pace, lends itself perfectly to those riddled or at least vaguely annoyed by anxiety.

Instead of therapy, I have this. ….? Better then nothing?

At least I have the cool, not cold; nothing so hair-pullingly dramatic, comfort that these bouts of anxiousnessness come few and far between and are not so crippling that I have to lock myself in the bathroom in order to regain my composer, this isn’t college any more folks!

UGH…---^^^******

Nothing ca

2010-06-17T17:35:00.005-05:00

Shocking as I think this is I HAVEN’T BEEN RUNNING!

Crazy, I know.

With today’s severe lack of mindless drivel here I am adding my own lifeless listless something elseless contribution. This isn’t a flash in the pan but a thud thwunk in an iron skillet ready to be served in your local Denny’s.

G – So I’ve really decided to go for it. Commit. No more half-assing it. No one can stop me.

M – Yes, finally.

C – Hooray

M – Why do you have to be such a dick? Actually, why? This is good news.

C exits

M – DICK

G – He’s not a dick

M – uh yes. Yes, he is

G – He’s been going through this with me since forever. It’s not like he’s not supportive. He’s just…skeptical.

M – Who isn’t. Not like that I mean, you can be hopeful too. That this horrible thing will be over.

C enters with two beers tosses one to G

C – And now you’ll be fine! It’s not like this keeps happening because you want it to keep happening. If that were the case, we, in good conscious, would have locked you up tossed away the key and visited you every other Christmas. So don’t pull that shit that it’s somehow your fault that you haven’t been doing better; doing better from something you and your therapists and your doctors and your medications haven’t been able to handle for the past 13 or so odd years. It’s great that you’re re-committing but I just want you to know that no one here thinks that you’ve ever not been committed.

pause

And if anyone does think that they are a bitch named M

oh baby!

2010-06-08T20:33:00.003-05:00

So apparently I only write in this thing-a-ma-jing either the day of or the day after a run! I’m usually at work! Don’t tell the boss (who’s the boss?)

Whatever!

Patterns! Nature finds away!

Welcome to

*pause*pause*pause*

~~JURASSIC~~ MCCARREN PARK

I don’t even know anymore? !

SO I had a capital “G” Great weekend that only involved slight damage to my body.

Friday rolled around and a nurse friend of mine’s boifrienz had a big gay ole birfday partay.

And let me tell you something, it was…something!

Well let’s just put it all out there. I first had a few drinkz with my friend and his boyfriend and then I had a few drinks at the bday party and THEN I found myself on the train going home.

So unless I entered into a Lynchian fugue state, which is something I’ve not entirely dismissed. For all I know, I could completely changed my face and started a whole new life that I (first person I) has no idea!

Which is basically kind of what happened when you drink, right? You talk to people you normally would just look on from a distance, creepily admiring his nice beard.

Or d-d-d-dancing like you limbs were made only to move to the beat! Or even slurring out some truth bombs; I love you, you smell, what’s your name again nvm I could care less! Where was I? Oh yes, I DIDN’T enter a fugue state (..?) I DID just end up home it was….disturbing.

N E way that happened! Maybe.

On Saturday OMGEEZ rolled into town! OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo child it was nice.

We went to Pete’s Candy Shop, andletmetellyou what, they do NOT serve candy there.

Iiiif youKnowWhatImean

They serve alcohol.

But they also served conversation! We talked about the heat mostly. It was nice and hot and sticky my favorite types of weather. Maybe it’s genetics or some kinda of cultural memory, but give me Hot and Humid over Dry and Hot any mofo day.

So will my Caucasian pallies were steaming I was enjoying a cool beer, wearing my tank top and shorts. Oh, well I guess dressing like a S L U T doesn’t hurt either!

OMGeez was awesome and we talked about oh you know; our ultimate arrival to fame and (mis)fortune, our star studded life in the fringes of society.

Laters, we went to a dance party at some clurb and it was a soul, funk, Motown themed night. And we twisted, mash-potatoed, shucked, jived until we could see straight.

That kind of music/dancing best suits the heat. You can slow it down or speed it up and it feels good sweating to the music or feeling someone else body against your.

I ended up entering the dance competish and I’m not trying to say that I won it buuuuut

I didn’t win it.

I did twist my “A” off and got in the finals ya’ll.

So that’s an accomplishment?

I did have some boy say “You are definitely are going to win”

And then my heart melted and I asked him out on a date and he said, “Yes! Yes of course! I dreamed that you would ask! Once I saw you dancing I knew that you should be mine!”

Of course

I didn’t say anything to him I just nodded and did…oh thanks gesture and went on my way.

So I got to dance and it was nice to move and sweat and be hot.

Then I walked home tired but happy.

Then on Sunday I had some BURRRRRRRRRRITOS with Aubz, LK and V.smith. It was good. We also bought some make up.

And generally acted like precocious 13 year olds. All a titter, but with more cursing and A LOT more sexually explicit.

Like A LOT.

to the future with

2010-06-03T13:34:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I went running! Runnin runnin' ru-runnin' running

That's what my heart sounds like when I start running; confidant, then dulls to a murmur, then kind of just sputters ft ft ft ft ptp...

But! I did run more and with a better pace than I thought I would!
So that was something! A very little something but something none the less.
I did almost reach that point of running when you hit your stride and it feels like you can just keep going.
It was nice.
I stopped thinking about things; like hey there's a hot guy without his shirt on, or hey there is another hot guy without his shirt on playing futbol (<----fuck soccer; it's futbol mothafuckaz) wow he has a defined body, or that guy running in front of me has a nice little b-b-bounce to his s-s-step, or look at the guy with a workout outfit of AMERICAN APPAREL (soooooomeone's bougie), or is that a the red ranger or is it just a really sunburned ginger without his shirt on? (it was the latter)

So, I think it goes without saying this was kinda a horny run that I had going on...

But then I almost hit my moment, my perfect running moment, that I used to be able to obtain, and all I was thinking about was my breathing and the wind and my strides and how my hands are positioned and sure I can run one more lap! what's one more lap? So I ran that one more lap and stopped. Because, I probably woulda felt not great the next day if I pushed my body further than what it's capable of doing (for now).

So I did my stretchinz' and PUSH UPS the walked on home.

Then I ate a burger, fries and some coleslaw with like 3beerz...

Glad I went on that run!

hear her holler

2010-06-01T18:19:00.004-05:00

So it doesn't matter what I wrote or will write or have written (I KNOW TENSES!), all that matters is that I'm here in the fucking city now and I have to do the best I can with whatever stupidy the good lord bestowed upon me.

It'll be just like SEX IN TEH CITAY.

except not at all because it won't be awful.

Simply awful.

Well at least not awful in the way the series and first movie and undoubtedly the second movie are.
When did this turn into a Sex n' da City post. Damn you Michael Patrick King damn you to hell.

God, that movie looks BAD

dirt is all the same

2010-06-01T08:58:00.003-05:00

Well isn't this something.

One year ago today I was boarding a plane and making my move to NEW YORK CITY.

Nu Yark Cheety

I've done a lot of things since I've moved here? I've gotten myself a j-o-b that I l-i-k-e.

Which is something that I can say is a big improvement from where I was last year in Cheekahgo. Maybe that is to say, I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job that I liked? I don't know, maybe I was too pseudo focused on other stuff. On things that I'm not sure that I was completely cut out for in the first place.

HEAVY

But now I'm here, I'm tip-typin' away on this little nothing of a nothing while the wind outside is blowing. Feeling a little sunburned from yesterday when I went to the beach.

Other new things... I have new glasses! That sit a'top my face like a sign that says "nerds say hello!" or something. <----That made no sense.

bllpppssssssssssh, what other things? I've had a reunion and subsequent estrangement from my sister here in Q-q-queens. So that was some stuff. It was nice to see her while I had the chance. But things change and you have to take it.

I've met plenty of new people, mostly passing acquaintance, Which I guess is a little different from the Windy City. I was able to go out and just met people, strangers really and, while I wasn't great friends with them, I would be to say; go out with them on Saturday or Friday. I guess I'm still trying to get used to the type of people this city attracts. People that aren't necessarily mean but that have a harder edge to them, forever searching for something; discarding this for that or another thing,

So I'm sure I'll find my own particular footing. Maybe in a year! Who knows! I don't!

Maybe I won't have to worry about it at all! What with the Oil Spills, War, sinkholes, I'm pretty sure we're going to see the horsemen prancing across the sky like the lil' queers that they are.

But if not, well...

I guess things will keep on clip-clopping.

whether your high or low

2010-05-25T12:06:00.002-05:00

There is certain news where it's appropriate to spring on someone. News such as: here's an paid vacation! here's fifty dollars, go by some McDonalds! Here's a pair of shorts, go crazy!

But there is some news that is best to be eased in to; some news that must gestate; news that relies on time in order to bring about understanding.

Fourteen days ago little Enrique Alberto was born. Fourteen days ago I became an older brother. I found out today. E.A. was born in town not 15-20 minutes from where I grew up, he is the first member of my close family to be born in Ohio. I'm writing all this down because I have no idea what else to do.

The last I spoke with mein pere was about a month ago, he had told me that he and his wife were thinking about having another kid. In actuality she was already in her third trimester, so any decision on whether they had the baby or not would be illegal in the U.S. So that's that. He shoulda just said we are having a baby.

I'm probably thinking much too much too mulch too munch about this.
It's just strange to feel so removed from that side of my family that I wasn't at least kept in the loop about the baby drama. A least he's healthy and hopefully I'll make the trek over there to meet him.

Welcome him and warn him: our town and family is really fucking dumb.

your excellent health and your cruelty

2010-05-18T08:23:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I did something completely out of the ordinary. I did something.
I put on my shorts (my non shorty short shorts, I was surprised I even had those!) and laced up my sneakz, stuffed myself into a wrinkly ole white t-shirt and I left my apt.

I went on a...what's that word? I hadn't done it in so long that I've forgotten the term for it. It has or at least had been windex'd from my memory. All the booze 'n' hard livin' having demolished any recognition of physical activity not involving bad for you life choices.
It's not walking; well, it's like walking but faster. But it isn't, oh I'm late to work, need to get the train, fast, it's more even paced and you end up breathing a lot harder, and sweating...there's a lot of sweating. Running! That's what I did, I moved my fat stubby legs and ran.

I ran to the park, I ran at the park and I ran home. I did three separate runnins!

Whilst I courais, I thought to myself "I didn't even know the french word for run!" and also "wow, I'm woefully out shape." My body has turned the consistency of stale dough, not entirely soft but definitely shapeless.

So, corriendo, I thought about other things like;
I like running, I hate running, running is fun and running is for saps and losers and why why why am I doing this, why do my lungs burn so bad? oh god are those my shins? when did gravity get so heavy? and why am I hallucinating that there is a giant squirrel doing push ups while a unicorn sits on his back and whittles at a stick!?...........?

So many thoughts running (get it!) through my already inflammed brain matter it was creating so much pressure in my skull thatIi had no choose but to stop.

and I stopped and stretched and a ran home and I stretched there too.

And I breathed in and out, in and out; collapsing into myself I thought

what a mess

Why don't you

2010-05-08T21:01:00.003-05:00

It's a windy and slightly cool Saturday evening so I, of course, have found myself gettin' my drank on and watching the teevee. It's a sad state of affairs.

I did buy some shüs though. So this was a "productive" day.

Oh, I also went to work, but meh that barely counts as being productive. I DID GET MY ICE COFFEE DRANK ON.

It was basically like drinking cafe con leche, which I have been drinking since I was like 7 or 8. I'm actually surprised that my growth wasn't stunted. Or maybe it was...maybe I should be like 5'11''! Imagine! Me! I do....too often.

I've started this post with some kind of purpose, but like so many things it has escaped me.

it goes and goes and goes and goes it goes goes goes it and it goes and it

I found out I'm going to get a new brother.

well, will you look at that

You turn on the radio

2010-05-06T18:24:00.003-05:00

....That's interesting...

That's one of the never want to hear phrases that you would...well, never want to hear from any kind of medical provider.

I went on a doctorpalooza/doctoroff/doctorthon, I think I'll go with doctoroff because it sounds kinda russian(?), recently curz I got health insurance bee-atchez.

oh-bah-ma oh-bah-ma.

J/K barry bamz didn't give me no health insurance, not yet anywayz.

I got myself a physical and I'm SURPRISINGLY healthy. Like, I blame my age. I eat super unhealthily, I get my drank on, I don't excersise (<-----don't even know how to spell it)!

That's one of those things; unremarkable, normal, average, unextraordinary are really super awesome.

No medical provider is going to say this is very remarkable it looks like you'll never get sick ever or hmmm it looks like you can fly and also have heat vision and super speed and are totally awesome!

No.

Ooooh, this is interesting you have cancer or something...

So well I went to get my eyes check oot. And FULL DISCLOSURE, that's a thing right? I have this thing where my eye get's all googly. When I look to the LEFT my RIGHT eye get's all..."oh you're going to the left? I think I'll go to the UPPER left suck on that LEFT eye" For a long time I was all self conscious about it. Well, I still am, because COME ON it's my fuckin' eyes, you know? It's not like I can hide my yeux (<-----FRANCH), because I'm not a douche bag that can wear sunglasses indoors. Sooooooooo there's that. Apparently my eyes are a lil more google then I thought! GREAT.

Interesting, the eye dorktor said to me as he finished inspecting my jelly-filled eyeholes, while he was uncomfortably close pulling at my lower eyelid. "You're eyes don't regulate themselves" or something...I zoned out and his voice took the consistency and timbre of a pudding filled trombone playing with a mute over the horn, when he did some hand motion that was....disturbing. So I have interesting googly eyes.

At least I have good cholesterol

My arteries aren't the window to the soul

swallowed by a

2010-05-01T09:09:00.005-05:00

Dear Diary,

Just came back from a dance party. It felt like I was in a semi-good friend (more likely and acquaintance)'s apartment.

Which I think was the appeal.

But I just could not believe how many homosexuals where there! I'm almost positive that there wasn't a single person there that wasn't of the homosexual experience...

There I was, in a loft space that was covered in pink and black construction paper, and let me tell you, the entrance looked like a cave! Those homosexuals and their love of the theme parties! It never ceases to amaze.

There were also some women there. They did not seem to be bothered by the, dare I say it, excesses of homosexual men. In fact they seemed to not be interested in the men at all. They were perfectly content dancing among themselves. Sure they danced with the men as well but it was platonic. Which I enjoyed thoroughly.

The music! The dancing! The gaiety! It was all exhilarating.

The walk home was quite pleasant as well. Going out into the cool evening air was much appreciated after dancing with a room full of homosexuals. It got very hot in there! In more ways the one...there was also humidity.

Well diary, that's all I have.

Oh! This what the gentlemen sort of looked like. Well the jist of what they looked like!

You're the best!

what you need

2010-04-27T11:06:00.005-05:00

As for me, having a panic/anxiety...panxiety(!) is not something that I would have penciled in.

Get up
brush my teeth
make breakfast
get to the train
-> anxiety <-
get to work
->panic<-
and that will carry me straight through until the end of the day!

Thank goodness I have a schedule or else I'd really be fucked!

In the course of 12 hours, I have become so fixated on one idea, one train of thought, one possibility that could become an inevitability that I have lost any kind of words to express myself.

I'm no Madonna at this moment.

All I can feel right now is tightening in my chest and this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as if something truly horrible is going to happen.
Some kind of disaster that I have no control over or even know when it's going to strike. Like when the Empire struck back. No one knew! Or when the Terminator would come back, no one guessed it was going to be as a the governor of California. Did you? No, you didn't.
No one knows when anyone is going to return or come back with a vengeance or faster and furiouserer or even to be lost in New York! Macaulay, wasn't ready, how do you expect me to be?

restless and nervous, pretty much a moody, distractable ball of crazy. The motivation for this cluster fuck of nervousness is something that others would be excited over: the prospect of getting to know someone.
What if I'm not what they want?
What if they aren't what I want?
What if, after getting to know them initially, there are somethings fundamentally incompatible?
Or what if I'm not ready? or something...
What if, I'm just creating these problems because I'm a psycho and actually caught in a Twilight Zone episode where everyone else is normal and I'm the freak. How that differs from everyday...I've yet to figure out.

So,

you know

~~^~^~^~^^~^^^****

Going dooooooown. party town.

2010-04-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

On Saturday I really wanted friday chicken but, SURPRISE, there is no fucking fried chicken anywhere in williamsblurg.

SERIOUSLY?

So instead I went shorpping. Insteading of eating delicious, high cholesterol causing, heart-attack inducing, fried chickens, I smoosh smoshed my way to thriftin store. Well it actually isn't a thrift store, it's a vintage store.

DIFFERENCE.

And I bought some shirts(!) and shoes(.) The shoes are only a'ight.

Wow, I never realized how boring talking about shopping is.

so so sososososososos sosoo sosoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

and that right there

2010-04-24T06:59:00.006-05:00

When asked, sometimes I answer "oh you know just...stuff." But last night, a stroke of genius. Or maybe just a stroke! My mouth did get all lopsided (is it kinda sad that I initially misspelled genius but I had no problem with lopsided?)!

"creative nonfiction" and with those two words I was set free. Fictional nonfiction...which basically means I can be a liar and no one can say shit!

Sitting in the dimly light bar; the kind of bar that gets dimlier light, dimmer lighter, I was confronted with the, "oh, what do you write?" Honestly I never thought that I would become on of those people that says, "Oh, I write."

Because that's not the whole motherfuckin' truth. (<-------adamant much?) I like to write and I like to write in this billa bong betty babe blog and i like alliteration. But I don't write. I'm not a writer. I have friends who are writers and that's what they do or try to do. I'm just here for giggle n' things. So after my friend asked me that, after I was done punching him in the face repeatedly until i collapsed from exhaustion. My knuckles bloody and possibly broken. I picked myself up, dragged my friend up by the collar slapped him back to consciousness I said "creative nonfiction."

when you say my

2010-04-20T21:12:00.008-05:00

OK OK OK OKOK

So, let's talk about gLee for a second? Can we? No, well, who asked you (i did, <--------over there).

Of course we are going to talk about gLee a'durh.

So this episode was "The Power of Madonna." This is probably hands down the most legitimate (non fanboy, which I guess I am) fun I've had watching gLee.
I love the show and while I love almost every episode I've watched, I really liked this episode. Like, like liked.
Like, I would want to ask it to junior prom, have my mom drive is to The Olive Garden or Applebees, buy it dinner, hold it's hand the entire night, slow dance with it, then give it an awkward tentative kiss after I had my friend (who had a car) drive to their front door. Then I would write gLee a note and pass it to it before 2nd period that Monday after the dance, saying how much fun I had.

This episode was all about empowering yourself, finding yourself, changing yourself or losing yourself. Or, losing it! By it I mean doing the nasty (fuuuuuuuuuucking). Madonna was brilliantly used, because COME ON, she is the queen of reinvention and artifice. Like my roomie said, she's a cultural artifact (she's old!). ANYWAY

Sue, megalomaniac that she is, of course idolizes The Donna. She makes a sexy blackmailing deal with the principle (whom if you remember she drugged), to play Madonna full blast in the school then eventually kick some students out, with 35 dollars and a bus ticket to New York.

First why couldn't my school (which was in Ohio) play Madonna at my school? Right, because I live in real life.

So Sue, genius that she is, wants to empower or change everyone to be more like Madonna, she starts with the Cheerios but expands to the ENTIRE school (squeee). We soon see shots of different era Madonna's roving the halls! ughh...me!

The lady's of Glee are having their lady times in the practice room; talkin' bout how boys are dumb and all they wanna do is sex a girl up and what if she's not ready? and what if he won't like her if she's say no?? and what if he wants her to change from her stupid goth look that midwesterns lurvz??? and what if he get's me preggo and acts like a jerk???? ( a lil too real) and what if no boiz notice me????? Too. Real.

Answer to all these questions is MADONNA. Use the power of her song to show the d00dZ who's boss. The guys are all apprehensive like somehow singing Madonna will make their penis flop off. It won't. It'll just turn you gay. gay gay gay gay. The girls are all like: You fools stoopid. And sing

Express Yourself - This is what i thought whilst I was watching. You go girl! That's what I thought. And they did, they really did go.

There's the continuing DRAMZ between Finnigans Wake and Rachael McAdams. Will they or won't they? Will i care or won't i care? I say that I won't but I probably will. Well they did a (s)mash up (that's when to songs are placed on the front of two cars then driven into each other to make some sounds), of Borderline/Open Your Heart. It was a good duet. Mind you, not as good as when Rach and Jesse sang, but you know kinda a safe and warm like a ratty old blanket. You see they still want to be together, obviously, but they don't know if they can open up to each other or even if they have to change in order to make it work.

But prior they decided to make it work with others. To see if they can change for someone else; be something else for someone else who will appreciate it.

This happened with most of the couples on gLee.

Rachel n' Jesse
Emma n' Will
annnnnnnd
Santana n' Finn (dun dun dun!)

So, listen, Santana, in a bid to win over Sue's favors and become more madgey, decided to get with Finn (since he is like 3 days younger), and take that V-card. Empowering herself; changing Finn. It's a win-win, for her, it's win-in for her.

Emma, after getting the proverbial smackdown by Sue. Denying her MADONNA ubertragedy. Emmas was like ef it, time to get busay, do the nastay and start the foreplay at 7:30. Sharp. Will was.....excited. Empowering her sexy self.

Rachel, probably in a move to try and forget about Finn is going to make it with the dreamest of villains Jesse. Plus how can anyone resist the subtle manipulation of a gay, (seriously, call me). While she was wearing a purple caped negligee.

Like A Virgin, was turned into a 6 part song extravaganza. Arguable on of the best numbers of the night. The three that had the most to lose, things like; virginity, self-respect...cleanliness, other nonsense, had fantasies about what it would be like. That much proliferated myth of the first time. The song was fun and sexy and moments felt a little dangerous, like most first times, but was ultimately disappointing for most of the character...like most first times? Rachel realized she was "doing it for all the wrong reasons." Emma freaked a lil, of course. Finn did "it" then he got the buyers remorse, and probably chlamydia.

SIDENOTE:

Errmrmm Santana was all sing-sangin' on the episode.

SIDENOTE OVER

Sue, in the meanwhiles was having some empowerment issues of her own. Worried about her image or lack there of. Recruiting, Gay Kid and Aretha, that's Kurt and Mercedes for everyone not in the "know," Sue had her Madonnaesque reinvention.

a la: Vogue. They basically redid the musik video. It was a'ight. I lorf me some voguin'z but it was...merk. I guess the magicks was gone since they played the full thing after the episode of last weeks gLee and ey'body and de momz was already bloggin' bout it bout it.

Sue comes to her sense and goes back to Classic Sue; track suit, sinister sneer and kung fu grip. Like Classis Sue, she recruits Gay Kid n' Aretha AGAIN to do a number with the Cheerios.

Four Minutes was really spectacular. Not only because Mercedes and Kurt had the Cheerios and Marching Band as their back up, but also because, they are talented and I think even the writers new they haven't used them to their fullest sangin' potensh. Plus they laid the verbal smack on Schue, who is arguably the worst Show Choir Director ever.

So so dumb.

The boy's were trying to get over beng scured that their penises will fall off and runaway from them if they sung Madonna by singin' What it Feels Like for a Girl. It was a cool interestingly arranged acapella version. The boys sang and sounded good and changed a lil it and 'pologized to the ladays that they had wrong or whatever. Except for Puck who was like "na, evz I ain't down wit that." Which is ok because he is super hot.

Oh! and guessssssssss who moved the district, transferred to McKinley High and joined the Glee Club.....me! I mean Jesse! To bang Rachel! and even more likely to fuck shit all to hell for the our gLee kids.

So this episode ended with, Like A Prayer. Everyone on gLee is need of a prayer; Rachel, that her love won't blow up in her and the Glee clubs face, Finn that he'll still have a chance to win Rachel and that he didn't get the clap from Santana, Kurt n' Mercedes have a had their prayers to be stars answered a lil bit, Will is still hopin' for that sweet love from Emma, Emma is prayin' to get over bein' a germophobe and get lizzaid, Jesse that he'll take down glee and get in Rach's pants and the rest of the kids have a prayer to get more screen time. Well at least Santana and Brittany rocked that shit last night.

Rocked it.

I don't know why

2010-04-19T18:48:00.003-05:00

After a less than thrilling day at work. Can you work it? let me work it? something something flip it and reverse it?

I was going to write some stuff down on this. Some creative writing stuff; creagaytive writing.

I don't like to brag or anything but I don't get lonely.Well, not to say I don't get "lonely," I mean I get "lonely" I just don't feel lonely. Or, I mean, that's not right, that's not what I mean to, that's not what I want to say. People think that loneliness is some kind of whole or pit or some other vaguely feminine, slightly misogynistic (Isn't it? swelling with happiness equals phallic; falling into depression...sapphic) metaphor. I don't feel like I'm falling; that I'm surrounded by darkness none of that cliched bullshit. I have this new cliched bullshit. It feels like a burning sensation. Like I'm being branded, changed, marked. I'm surrounded and entered by a light. Fucked. I'm being fucked and everyone knows it. It changes me. I don't mind the endless flame. My own personal eternal flame. Remember that song? Do you understand?...Whatever, it's a good song. I revel in it because I can't not. So, no I'm not lonely, I'm on fire; consumed from the inside out.

What this ole thing? It's just something that I whipped up. It's an old recipe really! Something I have tucked away in case people come by. Because, oh, you know, you can never know when anything can happen! Better to be a prepared polly! Just, a lil' ole thing that I might put into my play that I'm working on. Yes, the same play that I've been working on for a while. The same ole shit that I have spread out in a multitude of napkins, lose papers, so leaves, my bedroom walls, my computer (not in a word document mind you, on the screen scrawled with a razor blade...woah that went to a much darker place then i intended..)

[insert; ya got served]

go go go! oh no...

2010-04-15T21:50:00.002-05:00

Right, sometimes the stars align and something amazing enters into your life like a burning fire. It changes you and brings you a new depth of the knowledge into the person you are, the person you were and, perhaps, the person you are meant to become.

I woke up this evening around 9. YES this EVENING because I took a nap at like 8, shut it, I know, I've heard it all before.

The some preternatural force seemed to take over my hands and I went to the youtube (Utoob EWE-tüb) and I typed in my home town and came across this:

[insert: these are two examples what what people do in my hometown for fun]

OK, so I'm not putting these up to be malicious or even to actually mock anyone. Really! I don't know these people or have anything against them. This is where I'm from.

It actually helps me make sense of why I am the way I am? or something.

I don't know why you say

2010-04-14T07:56:00.007-05:00

HELLO....hello? echo-cho-cho-ho-o-o-o

Wow, what a stupid way to start a post. Stupid and cheesy and delicious and potentially heart attacky like the new KFC HeartTerminatrex.

But you know, I can't help it.

So let's get "down n' dirty" into the real "nitty gritty," to the "meat n' potatoes" to the other folksy saying of why I'm written in this mofo.

GLEE.

obviously.

Glee, or gLee as I like to type it, premiered last night. It was amazing, of course. I'm not that blinded by the glitter and rainbow puppies that is this show to say that it was perfect but it was pretty gosh darned good.

There were moments when the writing was a little uneven. For example: Emma's return to her position, Finn and Rachel's relash and Puck n Quinn's relash. I gueeeeessssss you could say a'duh Emma is going to come back and Rachel would wrangle in Finn but come on, give us sooooome reasoning. Some seasoning reasoning.

But God Damn! Brittany what a beautiful/stupid character! From gay sharks to forgetting her own name there is not one thing that is wrong with B, except for perhaps her chromosomal levels.

The addition of Jesse St. James (ie: my future husband -slash- current sweet sweet fantasy) was amazing. He and Rachel are like one of those couples that make you want to tear your eyes out with their ambition but when they sing it...mmmhmmm I wouldn't kick that out of bed. Well I wouldn't say no to that in bed n e ways so.....that's that.

Let's talk about some tunes shall we?

Hello, I Love You as sung by local JockTard Finn was great b/c well he doesn't have a pretty voice; he has a voice made for classic unpolished rock. It was good cuuuuurz it was his style and he also wasn't too horrible AutoTuned. So that was fun.

Hello by the All 'Merican Rejectz (or something) was owned by Rachel. She bitch slapped Finn with her vocals, so that was you know...good for her! After he totally ditched her for a potential threesome....duh.

The most outstanding number was Hello with Rachel and Jesse because Jesse is as talented (I almost wrote ass talented, which would also be true) as Rach. And he has the confidence of 3 Regional wins. The harmony were like two voices fucking it was that good.

Jesse showed how awesome he was with Highway to Hell, sure it was a little to sugary and playful but THAT BOY CAN SANG. Again Jesse, or I guess ,actor who plays Jesse, I'm here, here for you and waiting.

Hello, Goodbye was pretty good the dynamic between Rachel and Finn was fun, if not a little contrived. Finn fine you'll try to idiot woo her with you idiot charm and now we have ANOTHER love triangle (babble triangle) to hear about.

Let's talk about the non-singing:

Each time Sue Sylvester is on screen, I die from joy. Her loathing for Glee club seeps from her pores in the most organic way that is just amazing. She bribes her students, mocks and harasses her co-workers, (hatchet to the groin! ouch!) and Drugs and Pseudo-Rapes and Blackmails her employer, she is the all-American hero. I think right?

Terri was phenomenal, she knows how to twist the knife so gently in Emma's side that it's kind of like watching a artist shade a landscape. Good for you Terri, you crazy bitch, good for you.

Idina Menzel...errrr...I mean Shelby C. was a little wooden, but hopefully she'll get better. She'll make a good villain and I hope she totez bones Will. Sidenote: Will being sexy can tone it down like 50 percent, seriously, you freak me out. Stop. Thanks.

So that was gLee.
It was awesome, can't wait for the rest of this halfsies season.

shawty what yo

2010-04-08T19:37:00.005-05:00

So you know how everyone (or most everyone (or most everyone that matters (or maybe doesn't matter (?) ya'heard! )))[<----so many paranthesiisisisissss] has preconceived notions of what a certain persons of certain professions are supposed to do.

Weeeeeeeell, maybe you don't, but I do, which is why I'm drinking and writing.
See people have been writing and drankin' for 4Evr:
Hemingway
Faulkner
Tennessee Williams
Poe
Bukowksi
Fitzgerald and so much more!
You know Emily Dickinson was pound back the jager and girrrrrl pleeeeeease the Bronte sisters were like the women in The Jersey Shore! What?
[insert: They just wanted to live it up!]

Sorry I'm drunk.

But in the tradition of writers all over the world, here I am drankin' n writin'. Unlike the dignified scotch, I'm drinking white wine that cost me like 9 dollars. So I'm the Real Housewives of writing.

I'm dropping reality show references all over this sucker.
The Bachelor, boom! Another one!
ummm...something...about either losing weight/being on top/winning a project or eating X-treme things or X-treme amounts of things!

See being a writer is easy.
[insert: gu'duh]

...zzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz.......

psych, it was fantasy

from the courtyard

2010-04-07T06:01:00.003-05:00

Do you want to know how gay I am?

The last thing I remember before I woke up this morning was a dream that I was taking, part in a sing-a-long to the opening number to a Broadway musical called March of the Falsettos.

A musical from the 80s

the 80s

I thought you'd

2010-04-06T20:53:00.007-05:00

Well, It's Tuesday and I'm just now. YES! now! getting to write about what happened this weekend.

God, that's sounds like the prompt for a 3rd grade essay assignment.

Mrs. Teacher: OK class today were are going to break into groups and write about what we did last weekend.

3rd grader: Why are we splitting up into groups?

3rd grader #2: Yeah, When we all did different things?

Mrs. Teacher: Class who here went to The Ohio State University to get their degree in Art History?
And who was forced by their mother to change because the Arts are for girls that are talented and that you should stick to something average girls excel at, so why not teacher? "Why not that hun"?
And who here had a little too much wine one night and thought "surrre we don't have to use a condom Tommy, just, you know don't finish."
And who did not have any money to as your mother would say "go to Columbus" and "Take care of it?"
And are you stuck raising a child you didn't want, in a town you hate, working at a job that leaves you weeping in your bathroom after you were sick drinking too much wine, because Tommy always buys the cheap swill?
No. So get into you groups and write about your weekends.

3rd grade class:...
[insert: i google imaged this picture with "3rd grade teacher" isn't fun to think she is saying it?]

...So what I did on my weekend was actually really fun!
Friday some coworkerz and I went to get some drankz after werk.
So we went and got some mothafuckin mahgahrahtahs up in this bitch.
We had a nice little chat (Heidi Klum says that on Project Running with Scissors!) about things and things and liberal art things and sexual health stuff and queer activism miscellany and stuff we have the privilege to talk about. But we also talked about horoscopes! And that was nice.

Later we walked across the WilliamsBLURG bridge, (yeah I know, I know STFU life) but it was really nice in that highly romanticized young! new york! experience.
[insert: we didn't look like this]

Saturday was a blerk day.
So that was filled by a haze a sleepiness whilst (<----so english RITE??) I was guzzling down any caffeine drink I could wrap my grubby monkey paws around. But things took a decidedly upward swing when a good friend (from Chicago) came! We watched

The Runaways: The Dakota Fanning Tale of Sapphism, Drugs and Career (Re)Invention.
It was a cute pseudo-gritty pseudo-artsy all angsty story of Joan Jett (the girl from Twilight that always look like she rather be anywhere than where she is at the moment, then leave! be free! that's what I would tell her!) and Cherie Curry (Dakota motherfucking Fanning). Every time they were on screen, so basically for like 2 hrs (was it even 2? it's might been like 1 1/2 for all I know!) it was like oh you are so much more famous for playing with vampires and being a little girl.
AWKward. It was fun.

[insert: lesbionic cybertronic d-d-disco baby]

Then my friend, (oli!) and I got him some pants, went back to my place, then went to a PARTAY. IT'S A PARTY IN THE U.S.GAY. Yeah I went there.

Ironically it wasn't a gay party frownface.
It was fun. I was pleasantly surprised (re: peeing my pants a lil) to see my friend, (l.k.) whom I haven't seen in literally Fo Evz. So that was delightful.
But I was also glad that oli got along with the Oberliners that were throwing the party. Because, it's always tough to interact with people that are constantly making old joke and time specific references and then you end up just kinda standing there drinking until you just starting screaming and screaming and screaming for someone to get you out of there. only me? ok!
But oli was great and OBViously er'body was all like yo friend is awesome. Yes. and Duh.

Then we went back to mine and WINK.

Sunday was also a pleasant day. It was a HOLY-DAZE. Sunday was the day the Jesus was all like so over being dead, it wasn't even funny. And he was like you guys I'm totally back but Earth kinda sux too see ya! So DS7 and KreativeKrisis (emphasis on KRISIS!) went to a gay ole party and had gay ole drinks and talked about how gay we were (well some of us; others like to play pretend) So that was fun.

! yuuuuuuuuup!

baby baby baby

2010-03-31T20:47:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting in a smoking livin' room.

Smoky becaurz I just cooked some motherfuckin' sausage up in this bitch!

?

I'm also sitting in the livan'roomz watching Whatever Martha in which a fantastic show where Martha Stewarts daughter Alexis and a friendie that she has named Jennifer (some girl with red hair) watch Martha Stewart Living, do the projects and are just snarky and awesome.

heh

That's all I got. I got nothin' more boom bow no more boom bow bow

ugh:(

and the sun was all

2010-03-25T17:44:00.004-05:00

After a less than exhausting day at werk
< exhaust
I'm back at chez moi; shirtless, pants undone, mustache in full bloom; yes I'm from Oh HI Oh and it shows the most at these moments. TWIIIIST: I'm watching RuPaul Rupaul Race: Start Your RuPauls™.

They are making books n things for this episode.

Which gets me wondering what would my book be called. I only think that because I'm a RAGIN' narcissist. I'm a narwhal narcissist. That could the title:

Narwhal Narcissist: Memoirs of a Something Something Such n' Such

[insert: this is what the cover would look like]

Yes, that is a decapitated narwhal and yes, that is me and yes those are big sunglasses and yes, that picture was taken with my Macbook camera and yes, I wrote a lot of yeses (yesi) to bring awareness to my horrible writing skillz.

This is what the first two sentences of my MEMEiors:
I remember, or at least remember being told that I should remember, that I was with mon pere (french? mon dieu); near some park...near some park, near some handball courts...near some park, near some handball courts, in California just takin a lil' walk. I walked up to a dog (squee) then was bitten on the foot, hard, I was four.

Does that make you want to read it? No? That's what I thought.

and that my friends(?).

is

that

bustin' out all over

2010-03-21T10:49:00.004-05:00

It's been a crazy beautiful weekend beeotch.

It's been one of those weekends where it's a shame to be inside. So I've been not lazy enough to actually be outside and enjoy the weather! Instead of doing what I'm...doing...right/write now and chilling in the livin' roomz relaxin' on my blog.

So I'm chilling and relaxin' at the same time. I think I'll dub it chillaxin' and that friends is how werds are invented.

[insert: yup]

oh some other asshole invented that? Well that's NEWS TO ME. Nothin' new unda teh sunz. Accept for all the lithe hipsters venturing out in the sun.

Friday night I was all set for staying in and having a good night sleep.

PSYCH

A friend (I guess technically it's more of an acquaintance, since we only met 2 weeks before I moved from Chicago and hung out 1.5 times before I left, and not much talking happened IFFFF youknowwhatImean), was in town and he called (txt'd, whatever) me and asked to hangsies. So we did.

Major queer checklist were hit: Metropolitan and Sugarland. Yes, There are only two major standard checks in this part of town. Welcome. We ran into a mutual friend at metro. This friend of our has the remarkable gift to literally make friends with anyone. Anyone that has ever been born. No matter the disposition, he will be able to make friends with them. It's kind of amazing to watching it happen.

We (I) also saw ED DROSTE from Grizzly Bear™. It was kinda squee worthy. He's also a lot taller then I expected; handsomer too. So that was my Alt Celebrity Sighting™ of the week, ugh fine, of the year.

[insert: deep sea diver]

I got us lost on the way to Sugarland. How? I dunno when it's literally a 10 minute walk from Metro. I'm just an idiot i guess. There was a party going on so lots of queers (not just gay boiz) and dykes. It was awesome.

One of the go-go dancer lit her tassels on fire. ON FUCKING FIRE. Then she twirled them, oh how she twirled them. They were like comets orbiting the planet the were her breasts.
[insert: wheels on fire]

Oh, we ran into some friends of DS7. They tried to take us home with them (because they got kicked out of Sugz) and when we declined they called me fat and my friend a leprechaun.

[insert: Welcome to Brooklyn™.]

AN-E-WHEY

After we danced we ummmm left...sure we'll go with that.

Yesterdaze I went to Prospect Park. It takes about 40 minutes to get there via bus. It's a nice autobus ride. You pass through a Hasidic neighborhood. then a largely AfroCaribbean hoodz. While I was ridin the bus I was noticing how extremely cinematic this stupid city is. Everything; the buildings, the people, the layout everything. No matter there are so many moo-veez about new york.

I went to the park for a Queer Picnic. There was hummus, bread, cheese, fruit and wine for all. It was pretty queer. Many be-tattoed, tank top wearing, cut-off shorts having, big sun glasses rocking queers enjoying the sun.

Heaven.
[insert: prrrrrrrk]

Gave my friend a haircut after that.

Then went home and sleeeeept for like 12 hours. nice. Because I didn't get much sleep friday night. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK

see what i did there?

I'm currently watching John Tuck Must Die on FX™? while simultaneously watching the BBC special on mammels. David Attenborough(spelling?) can talk me to sleep any time. Put I don't want to see you. Get of my screen now plz thanks.

Penn Badgley is in J T must D, with a horrible haircut; disgusting and long.

I did laundry today. It's awesome and it's sitting on my bed, were it will remain for the foreseeable future. Unless I drunkenly put it away, which is a very real possibility.

happy sunday

e la metodolagia

2010-03-17T19:01:00.003-05:00

Y otra ves vi al mucho del tren. This time on the street.

I'm a street bitch baby

[insert: no not at all]

I saw him when I was WALKING HOME FROM THE TRAIN STATION yes that happened. Well, at least I think it was him? I did a double take but I'm pretty sure it was him?

Well i dunno if it was him or not but the melancholy romantic in me wants it to be him. Since it would mean that he lives near where I live and the chances of me seeing him have grown. I can also indulge in my super melancholy place, because he was with another boiz, that could be his boi'frien, but might not be, it might just be a boi that is a frien'.

So playing with the scenarios can be fun and horrible but maybe I'll run into him again and talk to him?

maybe.

so it was him and that's that.

still worth while

2010-03-16T19:35:00.003-05:00

Today on my way to work (at noon I might add, awwww yea sucka' it was awesome), I saw this v/kayute d00d on the traaaaain.

And what I mean to say: On my way to work I saw this really cute guy on the train. Thanks to the packedattudidness of the train, thanks a lot L, I wasn't able to creepily admire him as much as I would've allowed myself to. But eye contact was definitely made and once the guy alighted (<-----I studied in London! for a little! which explains the word usage), there was more eye contact and smiles. Smiles! Its true!

I'll probz never see him again and as such will never know his name but it was a nice way to start the morning.

Like i wasn't going to but this

who do you think you are?

might as well

2010-03-15T18:48:00.004-05:00

Buy a ticket to California, which is what I did.

Sure, I have other bills to pay, but you know, buy it while the buyin' is good?

Yeah, we'll go with that.

[insert: califoooooornia here we coooooooooooooooooome]

But this is far in the future; in JULY! So while I'll feel the pinch now, once July rolls around Future Me™ will think Past Me™ was pretty smart. Pretty...pretty clever.
So soon, but not too soon, one of my besties on the enetz and I will be hangin' out on the West Coast.

West Coast: Best Coast?

East Coast: Yeast Coast?

So that's the what the future looks like or maybe it'll look like this.

[insert: scarepocalypse now!]

I was pretty tired for most of the day today. I came home and laid in bed with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. I also watched Arrested Development.

So good.

cornballing piece of sh*t

bottle of white bottle a' red

2010-03-12T14:24:00.007-06:00

So it's:
T-minus 3 and a half hours till tattie time.

My excitement needs some kind of outlet, so it might as well be writing in this.

PRODUCTIVE!

And also...I could get in troubz, since I am at........work

but whatevz, i say, EVZ!

So it's c-werkerz b-day celebration today but since I have my tattoo appt at 7 i'm going to meet up with the peeps afterward. After Words.

I've got to the point where I cant concentrate. Not even on this. I'm basically just tip tappin' away for no reason, and with no direction. Which is what I normally do n e way, but this time it's even more pointless/directionless/meaningless.

When i'm in this state I feel like my punctuation gets so much worse. But so what who cares, I know you don't or you would have stopped reading this long ago and I know I don't or else I woulda stopped writing this....long ago. So a lot of things might have happened that haven't and alot if things will happen that you or I have no control over, like me writing in this blizzog. Sounds like: Bliss Log or Bliss Bog.

something with bliss in it and something that makes no sense.
Nothing makes sense.
you don't make sense.
this blog espesh doesn't make sense or cents.

i should stop

we won't stop; we can't stop

but i can

back from the

2010-03-08T21:44:00.003-06:00

After a double today at work I've found myself in sitting on our great aunt puffy chair which GR∑∑K.

This is after a pretty fun/exhausting Sunday night. Thank you Oscars™. The party was really fun and full of food and drink and merriment. I didn't get home till like 200 AM!

A to the M I say!
Then I crashed once I got home. It was goooood.
I awoke exactly on time to be at work exactly on time. I basically woke up hit the snooze on my alarm and then woke up 20 minutes after my ten minute snooze.

of course.

But I, by some March Madness Miracle™, got to work on time....ish. So it was all good.

So i'm sleepy.

flying a

2010-03-07T13:05:00.003-06:00

It's that time again where I kinda just leave myself time enough to write whatever I want in this thing.

Oh, wait, I've confounded myself, I already do write whatever I want in this bucket o' shit that is my blizzy.

I awoke this morning to the sounds of belts hitting flesh, and I thought to myself, "ah, another Sunday morning." You don't see specials about THAT on CBS. Heh, imagine.

[insert; yeah...think about that]

After I steeled myself and metaphorically scrubbed out my ears with symbolic(?) bleach, I made some breakfast!

[insert: it didn't look like this]

Well it sorta looked like that, but the toast had jam! Jams I tells ya!

I started watching Archer the new cartoon on FX™. It's a total bro cartoon, but I can't help but find it fun/funny. This is only because I'm a sucker for cartoons talking abut fucking and saying bad words. This new sub genre of comedy that is part Arrested Development/Family Guy/It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia/something else with a more masculine feel to it, is still somewhat of a mystery to me. They are completely aware of, i guess i would say their offensiveness but that somehow seems wrong. It's like they are being satirical about being crude. I'm not sure they are being anti-pc, which can be a legitimate form of expression (only sometimes and if done well ie. Arrested Development and 30 Rock), but they are just kinda being so outlandishly crude and vulgar it becomes a commentary on why we find certain things vulgar. I'm not sure that makes sense.

Oh well, I did L-O-L at it. So that something.

I just took a lil nap listening to Jo-jo Newsy. It was good.

this wasn't a long as i thought it would be

that's what

no one said

shooting stars

2010-03-06T20:40:00.004-06:00

I've done nothing today. I'm so tiiiiiiiiiired, while i was typing that I was trying to think of a way to incorporate tire iron, but I couldn't, so...tire iron.

[insert: I don't know why I think of these things, I just do, then I write them down]

Last night a couple of coworker and I went out to a magazine party at SUGARLAND, the local gay discotheque. There where a lot of hotties hawtees hot teas(?) there. As per usual I went home alone and drunk and cried myself to sleep while i was eating a sandwich.

scene:

Door opens to a disheveled apartment.
An assortment of shoes strewn near the entrance.
Miscellaneous clothes and underwear are in the kitchen (the bathroom is located off of the kitchen, so it isn't as gross as it sounds, but still pretty, ooky).
The florescent lights turn on to a be-suspendered 23 year old homosexual with one pant leg rolled up to reveal a tube sock worn over the calf (he was trying something for the evening, whatever he thought it looked ok).
He makes a sandwich, turns on his laptop, starts crying hysterically.

end scene

I joke, I joke.....or do I?

I wouldn't kick that outa bed

here's Lola

2010-03-05T18:23:00.004-06:00

Well not really.
Here's Annie she is an artist at Three Kings Tattoo where I'ma get my tatz.......!!

It's going to be a lighthouse with some seagulls and it's going to b awesome. Annie is really great and I feel comfortable around her, so that's good. I wouldn't want some creepster to be all up in my business with a sharp needle.

NO THANKS CREEPSTER GET AWAY FROM ME.

Here is some of the pitchers I gave as inspiration:

[insert: in spear nation]

Here is a picture of Harrison Ford

[insert seXXXy]

It's the Oscars™ this weekend™ time for Oscar Parties™

mother knows best

ta da to do

2010-03-04T19:18:00.002-06:00

after the shit storm that was today these are the two things that I find my only solace in

here

and

here

I also stopped by at the tattoo parlour that i'ma get my next tattie. Tomorrow I'm meeting with my artist.

everything sucks?

so do you?

i was tired of

2010-03-02T21:43:00.003-06:00

I just got done watchin' GR∑∑K (I know, I know, suck it, I do what I want, you don't know me and other inanities) and this v. spesh episode, (*sigh, aren't they all!) was all 'bout growin' and leaving things behind and choicing things that were important enough to maintain or important enough to acknowledge their impact and leave them behind.

[insert: Greek is totes heavy ya'll]

Annnnnnnyway, the one(?) thing that annoys about time specific genres, ie high school/college teebee shü's is their heavy handed importance placed on the brevity of their experience, as if having a 4 year time stamp somehow makes these moments in our lives more authentic. (<--------Well will you look at that run-on!).
The arbitrary 4 years and the whole, "I WISH THESE DAYS WOULD NEVER END," while making good and funny and sad entertainment, kinda forces a viewer to compartmentalize their experiences. Without looking at your history, one can be tricked into thinking that you leave things behind. In reality, I think, you carry these things with you they, grow on you and create the person you have become and a are going to continue to grow into. Like a mold or fungus or weird mole.

By breaking them down and segmenting them off, they are easier to digest, you still gotta take it all in sooner or later. Like the whole pie I ate that one time.

[insert: suuuuuuure one time]

like that

my face cracked

2010-03-01T18:10:00.002-06:00

it's time for story time:

There was a small seed that was planted in the middle of a field. A field that was surrounded with tall willows and birches and populated with poppies, bright red that looked like freshly made kool-aid (a color so vivid it looked unreal, almost to the point of cartoonishness).
This seed had giant seed-like dreams; to grow and swell and bloom and perhaps populate the field with others like it so it wouldn't be lonely. If not lonely than at least not alone. So this seed began to anchor itself down and grow. It thought it was a real fucking big shot, with each growing pain the seed felt a twinge of pride, and thought,
"Yup, this is my time."
What the little seed did not realize, because the seed was too focused on himself, was there was a beautiful masked Green Jay with it's emerald coat that also lived near the field. While, the seed had big dreams and a plan, the Green Jay had dreams, a plan, ambition, plus the fool could fly.
Could the seed fly?
NO, because it was a seed, duh.
The Green Jay spotted this little seed that was now a little sprout. It usually didn't waste it's time with sprouts but it was feeling slightly peckish and fate sometimes sets things in motion that are unfair and unavoidable. So, like a green missile zeroing in on its target the Green Jay swallowed the little sprout that was a little seed in one fell swoop.
The sprout/seed didn't see it coming, didn't notice the shadow and in the end didn't feel the quick pluck. So that was the end of the seed.

There was no propagation for the seed. Was it a willow? a poppy? It probably was something kinda lamer, I dunno, and I guess no one will ever know.

The end

by the river

2010-02-23T19:30:00.003-06:00

As we speak/type
I'M DOWNLOADING JO-JO NEWSIES NU LPsies

OMG OMG OMG OMG

i'm sinking into the the bright red wine mixed with whiskey that is joanna newsoms voice.

Mellow and calm at moments; biting and resonant in others, this new album is off the proverbial HOOK

i saw you last night

2010-02-22T19:01:00.002-06:00

and so with that, I've found my self in my apt with KreativeKrisis (in a crisis a'duh) her pussy, alfie, DS7 with Hannah Montana in the background

[insert: yes, yes I know we are everything that's wrong with everything. ever.]

I was about to wax poetical(?) philosophical(?) about it but there is literally nothing redeemable about the HAnzMonTANZ. Even writing about it makes me queasy.

What doesn't make me quee-say is Joanna Newsom NEW ALBUM

IT'S GOING TO BE SO GOOD AND IT IS COMING OUT TOMORRRRRRRRRROW

yes.

but here is Zach Condon.

once again

yes

i can take

2010-02-21T19:22:00.002-06:00

previously on L O S T - i mean - B L O G

2/10/10
There was half day at work today. It was kinda awesome. It’s was only kinda awesome b/c, duh, we obvs had to go to work in the first place. And that is NO FUN. unless you work as a…I just spent 10 minutes (only 5) trying think of a job that is fun. I did think of one, but I then quickly chastised myself on having dreams. Ef ya’ll dreamz.
So anywinterishere, we had half a dizzy at wizzy (ugh why do I do that?). But it was basically like not being at work at all b/c everyone was all excited about getting the h-town outa doge. So peeps had a lot of energy and it made the half a day go super fast. Then I went home and SLEPT. My favorite pastime.

Sleeping
Eating
Writing
And Memorizing.
(I guess Reading too but evz I ain’t smart)

The snowy day has nice b/c, besides the whole no work/more sleep thing, it just reminded me of being young. Waking up in the morning turning on channel 4 and waiting for Huron County public schools to be closed. It would still be dark enough out, that falling right back to sleep would be as easy as falling asleep the night before, anticipating a snow day, was difficult. Then boom, out like a light until the sun rose for real this time. Putting on the standard, or perhaps, sub-standard snow gear, (fuck snow pants), and heading out to frolic in the snow.
Or later getting up late, then having to walk to school n e ways, because we still had rehearsal/practice and those sets weren’t going to paint/build themselves. Those lines won’t be learned themselves (even though they totally would’ve been...psych!). Those push-ups/sit-ups laps wouldn’t do/run themselves (nope they wouldn’t’ve…ya burnt). But it was still fun b/c it wasn’t school.
Then EVEN LATER, what? no class? time to drink! Welcome to college, when any excuse was one to drink.
Writing a paper?
Finished a paper?
Exam?
Good rehearsal?
Bad rehearsal?
Good sex?
Bad sex?
Boyfriend?
Girlfriend?
Friend issues?
Thursday?
Snow Day?

Drink.

Oh lordy, thanks America for a generation of, somewhat, intelligent alcoholics.

Back to the point (?). Snow days are nice. Even though I did none of those things. The memories the snow day brought back were nice and also the underlying feeling that they could happen was still there. I could go out and play or drink. But instead since I’m a sixty year old trapped in a 23 year olds body with the vocabulary of a thirteen year old (girl), I just went to sleep and watched Clue!

I’m shouting..
I’m shouting
I’m shouting

I’m shou-

beautiful like a

2010-02-20T13:57:00.001-06:00

previously on:

2/9

I had a long ass day at work and tomorrow is going to be another long ass day, but New York is getting ready for some kinda storm that will turn New York into the fictional New York from Escape from New York or the New York from The Day Before the Day After Tomorrow in New York, Yesterday at Dusk in the Winter. How many times can I say New York. A lot, that’s how many. But, it’s supposed to be bad or whatever but I still have to go to work at eight so that

fucking sucks.

clean as a

2010-02-18T17:52:00.002-06:00

boom

thanks to ds7 we got the e-net!

more like squeeee-netz? eh amirite? of course

anyway there will be a couple of posts written during the dark times.

as follows.

previously on wonkster:

so I started and subsequently continued watching MTV’s True Life: I Want the Perfect Body.

the premise of this v. spesh episode of a series that’s all about special situations is this; these fools want the perfect body BUT they are NOT going to use plastic surgery. I’m not sure whether this includes steroids or eating disorders. I don’t care. I started watching this show and I immediately disliked all these peepz. Not only because I believe that X-tremes are idiotic and all things in life should be taken in moderation, but also because, they try to make their struggle not only universal but DEEP. The second, in theory, I’m fine with but the first is just not, super not true, that’s why you are on this show, because you are an outlier and kinda a freak. This might as a well be called True Life: I’m on MTV’s version of a Freak Show. That ISN’T The Jersey Shore. But, I guess they occasionally stumble upon human truths about insecurities/narcissism and the desperate attempt to mold themselves into something for someone else.

There is a part of me that feels bad, it seems like these people, especially the lady that is trying to be a beauty pageant, is thinking that she is trying to look good for herself but in reality and the nature of pageantry, you are conforming yourself to someone else’s idea of beauty/intelligence and poise. It’s the lack of self awareness is what is the killer. I’m not picking on her, the bodybuilder bro is just as desperate as she is. He is turning himself into a prized bull to be paraded around for his body, just like she.

There is one pseudo-relatable one, Ryan, the one that is going to play footingballs in Notre Dame. At least there is a more “legitimate” reason for his drive. Playing football for prestigious football school, because he got a scholarship for and he needs to perform his best because his academic future is also ahead of himself. So, good? Even though there’s always that whole: too much footyballz no enough book learnin’. So he’ll have to negotiate that. And competitive sports is one of those hit’n’miss one in a million other clichéd sayin’s kinda thang.

The bodybuilding bro, no longer seems human. I look at his body and can’t imagine that there could be person in there. Even they soon stop seeing themselves as hu-monz, but rather as machine they need to tune and not derive any pleasure with. The moment I was completely alienated from the bodybuilder was when he was all, “don’t eat food for taste, only fuel,” or some jive I was all psssssssssssssssssh. You are a robot.
I try not to associate with robotz.

If I likened bodybuilder bro to a robot/animal, I liken beauty pageant to a painting/animal. It’s the idea of beauty with the slight veneer of personality. It’s the ultimate illusion where you would assume a pretty girl also has a pretty personality. That sparkling eyes, behind all that make up, have depth to there shine. But you know; bitches be crazy. That’s just what it seems to me and my own ideas of beauty and validation. Her badge of honor is the fact that she hasn’t had any plastic surgery. Which is kinda refreshing, BUT, if she is trying to conform herself, why not go all the way with a silicon/saline. I guess we all have our scruples.
One thing bout all these robot-people, is that they are dedicated. Some (I) would say creepily so. So good luck robot-humans.

Hope your dreamz come true.

Or something.

we lay on our

2010-02-13T08:54:00.002-06:00

I've some how found myself at work.

NOT what i was expecting for Saturday.

Here are a list of things I do on a Saturday

sleep
eat
drink
sleep
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

maybe this time

2010-02-11T19:11:00.003-06:00

Listen: so Alexander McQueen is dead.

There are a lot of things that can be said and that will be said, much better than I can say them . So that's that and this is this.

McQueen was a designer that really got me excited about clothes and reaffirmed my faggified belief that designing clothes is art and could even reach the point of high art.

So that's that for me

and this is this

bon soir

a-oooooo

2010-02-11T15:40:00.003-06:00

So it's come to this I'm so desperate for the internet/the faux attention e-netz gives me (it's like that warm feeling you get from hypothermia right before you die), that; I'M BLOGGING AT WORK
WTF
CMC
LOL

OTHER ACRONYMZ

That's basically it. It's VD day soon and I'm going to spend it eating fried foods at a friends house.

so suck it being alone and fat. I'll be with company.....and fat.
whatever by clogging my arteries i'll make sure that i'll never be alone, becuase i'll be dead, or perhaps have gained the weight of another person.

options! who says the modern man/woman/child/person of trans experience and drag queen can't have it all!

grrrrrrrl espesh darg queenz

start yo enginez

now the party don't

2010-02-03T21:11:00.001-06:00

THIS HAPPENED YESTA'DAZE

After a long and semi-arduous day at work as I enter the key to the front door of the apartment and hear the sweet click-swish and walk in to the warmth of my American apty but NO. the key went click-“fuck you, you ain’t getting in here you stupid little man. You are going to be doomed to live the rest of your days on the streets of brkyln only finding shelter at your work. Food? You think your too good to look in the dumpster? Well listen up buckaroo you aren’t; it’ll be stale crust and moldy vegetables until you catch scurvy then rickets and die on the street.”

That’s what it said to me.

I took it in stride.

Got the roomie, DS7, to help and thanks to our incessant hemming and galumphing, we got a neighbor to pop his head out his apty and was all “wtf?” And we shook and scratched our heads mumbling and pointing “door…..broked? landlord called” So as a man of action, and as a person that works in construction! And is in a band! He got a screwdrive and knocked the door the fuck down. Man 1. Door 1(since it did keep me out). To our benefit, we were thinking about getting our screwdriver, but we pussied out because….what if the Lord of the Landing, got mad!? Well evz, we (I) got in and chatted with Sidings (that’s the name of his band) and told the landlord what the fuck happened. Then DS7 and I ran away in the safety of our apty. After introductions and awkward conversation (the house specialty!).

And theeeeeeeeeeen, our (stolen) internet stopped working! How dare our neighbors want to protect what is rightfully theirs. Psh!

I cooked my dinner. Was subsequently to tired to eat it and too distracting to make it any good. I over spiced my rice and put too much water. I SCREWED UP RICE. YEAH NO FOOLINZ.

So I’m righting this in my bed, with my salty lunch packed for tomorrow.

C u tomorrow future wonkster, hope you enjoy your lanch past wonkster made for you.

eat it

down

look around

2010-02-01T19:13:00.006-06:00

After a heeeeeeeectic weekend, that kinda should have belonged to someone that is hardcore/(more)self-destructive/Ke$ha, I had a pretty good day at work.

I started my training on the front desk on the first floor. So if any of you reading this know were I work, come on down and visit me! Maybe I'll sign you u to get an HIV test! But I prolly won't sonce NO ONE READS THIS.

The weekend left me with a bruised foot, a scraped knee and a whole lot of stories that I refuse to tell anyone but those that already know about it! So Rice and Tee (yeah they now me) [see what i did there?] DS7, Warbles and 1/4rican now all 'bout it 'bout it. And that's all i'ma talk bout that.

THIS IS JOANNA NEWSOM'S NEW COVER ART FOR
HAVE ON ONE ME
[insert:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

DECADENCE (kinda medieval decadence) Extravaganza Eleganza! Other Gay Words!

I talked Tee's ear off like Jo-Jo Newsy was the second coming of musak.

I love her.

Speaking of love Lady G' wore this at the GRAMMAY'S
[insert: other gay exclamatory's]

da-da do-do'tin

walk walk fashion baby

2010-01-28T21:01:00.006-06:00

Project Runway:
ermm "so jesus are you going to win the competish by being bottom two the whole time?"

yes. no he won't

I kind love how bitchy all the designer are to the bottoms that didn't get kicked off. honestly, as the should be since pssh, Ping is there kinda only because of her new agey gimmick, as we've seen on almost every other season. If i hear some version of "I don't think the other designer will understand b/c i don't draw/sketch/fit the model/use the dress form," it'll be too soon. HINT, you probably aren't that interesting, you are overcompensating. And Jesus? well he's just dumb and seems to be just, ugh, pseudo-entitled, and with a bag o' excuses, and that bag doesn't even match his shoes or his clip on bowtie.

The Met™ GIMMICK™! art™ imitating other art™ but WITH money™ (sort of)!

Team Challenge:

This is the moment when those people that you want to leave can safely be anchored to those who, either by imagination or skill, will stay afloat (water metaphor!) so we can live to make fun of them another day.

rundown of challenge: try to be as good as good designers. go it? good. ya' get ca$h and ya' work in teams. done'n'done(r)

So we have gaysian (last weeks winner)/severe bang(!) Maya (vaguely ethnic? or just annoying?), Jesus (what a luck? fuck)/Amy (last weeks shoulda winner), Antony (black? check. gey? check.)/with Jeffery part II (made funny black/gay joke ok with me!), Janine (don't know, don't care.).with crooked nose (he's cute wore cut-offs won my heart), Mila (h8 the name love the bangs and also that you old girrrrrrl)/picked my husband for his skillz(prolly b/c she has none?), Ping (o shit hopefully someone will understan' you)/cute straight boi(obviously he didnt want that), Emilio (your ALSO black! change!)/blandy McBlandy girl (she kinda looks like some blonde girl in a last season that was cut too soon[she made the minnie mouse dress -Allison! thanks DS7-]).

they look at famous dresses by famous designers blah blah we are all inspired (over it!). and start to make things!

So we're in the work room and peeps be talkin 'bout how they are going to work together and honestly? I donn't care, I just want bitchin'

Which we are getting plenty of Jesse (str8 boi n' Ping!) not great. First of all Ping, no one ever can understand you ever. So please be less insane? and Jesse ( i guess) just try to work. Jonathan (keep doing what you oing because I love you and i want you to be my husband).

SNEAK ATTACK

"Look for Less"

fitty bones n steal a look from the competish.

So yes, part of me doesn't want to go on......

so I won't

Ping got kicked off

and Mila(sever bangs/old won, which includes my boifrien')
I didn't think it was that bad/i rly rly liked ya'll.

I LOVE HIGH WIASTED PANTZ

c
u
tomorrow

i found myself a

2010-01-28T06:39:00.004-06:00

Woke up to some really good news.

Joanna Newsom's new project is going to be a TRIPLE LP

ready?
set?
squeeeeeeeeeeee

according to Wikipedia™ Jo-jo Newsy's new album will have Esme. one of my personal favorites, and also that drag city has another song '81 on their website. CHECK IT OUT. Of course the song is amazing. Her voice is so sweet and complex.

Speaking of complex

ABBA WORLD

"There is no way you can escape Abba" the blond chick from Abba

Yeah, you heard me right. There is a touring exhibition that was highlighted on ABC Evening World News Series for Serious People with Grown-Up Ideas.™ Here you can take quizzes on Abba, sing with Abba, look at old picture and paraphernalia and fuck Abba!
(Guess which one isn't true, you'll be surprised with the answer!)

Oh and bee tea double u
R.I.P
J.D. Salinger, sure your famous book, now it's a lil over-hyped but it's still good for angsty teens (like I was) that think ey'body is a phony(like I did) but you did do good and ground breaking work for your time. I love the banana fish story in the 9 short stories series. So much weirder than Catcher in the Rye.
I'll miss you J.D. Sal-Sal but will look forward to the pretentious blog posts and news reports about you in the coming week(s)

can't help it

and float down

2010-01-27T19:55:00.002-06:00

Long day at work...closed the place DOWN sucka!

maybe not? Let's go with not but luckily I don't have to go in until 9 tomorrow!

ermmmmm, I really having nothing else to say...

The State of the Union is about to come and well I guess I'll listen.

Look, I've never been too political and often all you hear is empty rhetoric and that's what THIS BLOG IS FOR, so how dare you Obama try to steal my thunder.

But I guess Health Reform (the little that will come) and the Economy (even though the banks will never not by greedy and fuck everyone over [thank's a lot surcharge to have access to my own money])

[insert: psh, whatever]

Talk to you later or whatever, ugh I don't care.

what would I

2010-01-25T22:21:00.005-06:00

Sitting on the couch and watching The Daily Show with John Stewart and I started drifting off. I was thinking about my life this time last year. Living in a different city, having a different job, and almost a different mind set in general.

I love that memory can transport you to a different time in your life. A lot of the places are dumb and frivolous but it's nice. To reminisce and think about how you felt, or even things as simple as what your surroundings looked like and felt.

Like when 1/4rican and I used my bed for a sofa.

<3 memoriez

I'm marinating chicken wings right now. In a soy/honey/brown suger/mustard/hot sauce sauce. Hopefully it'll be good and WON'T kill me or at least if it DOES kill me, that it'll taste good.

[insert: they probably WON'T look like this]

You can really tell when I don't start the post on the same day.

you will see those tears

2010-01-25T16:37:00.003-06:00

Alright, so you know what's going to happen tonight? Yes, I'm going to watch Greek.

I'm not joking. It's a funny/fun show. The writing is surprisingly good and after a day like today I need some slightly shallow witty dirty(yet, wholesome) fun.

I guess what I like about Greek, is that it really knows itself and who it's writing about. It's about the Greek system in everyman's college in Ohio. While I can say I didn't go to an everyman's college (not braggy, true I went to school with a majority of hippies and hipsters), I knew a lot of folks that went to The OSU, U of O, Ohio Wesleyan, Ashland U, etc...that had the Greek system. And to be honest there is that mentality of wholesome trash. Getting drunk and hooking up but still going to church in the morning; having your scruples and being able to be pragmatic about it. It's not about what you do, but how you perceive yourself and in a certain way claiming ownership for your habits. Because that's what a lot of teen shows are starting to realize, there is no equation where, if you drank and have sex you are bad. It's about trying to portray a whole experience and not just stereotypes or at least, perhaps, portraying those old tropes and shining new light on them. And Greek is able to do that in a quick-witted, warm-hearted way. Sure it occasionally has cringe worth slang, but a lot of slang is cringe worth, it just seems much more so, once you are no longer in that setting or are that age.

[insert: G∑∑k]

Plus I think it's lulzie and has homos, so count me in.

Work today was dumb. I was dumb.

ya dig?

we will never

2010-01-24T08:04:00.009-06:00

You really can't ever unhear something. Well friends I heard some things my earholes, I'm pretty sure, tried to reject but to no avail

[insert: oh lord]

I kind of want that guys outfit. SO i guess thats' next on the ole list of wishes, fitted (or at least somewhat fitted), overalls. There are times when I amaze my myself with how stupid I am.

Last night, after I was done watching figure skating obvz, I ended up leaving the apartment! I know! kuh-rahziee. I went to a bar called the Levee and met up with raptor, cyborg and virg. It was fun.

I played darts!

I then proceeded home to work on the play thing I've been working on. It's fun to do since it's really of no consequence. So there's no pressure for it to be good or anything! squee.

[insert: NOT under pressure]

We've found ourselves in another Sunday. Am I going to keep this open and ramble?

maybe! who knows! who cares!

I just woke up from a 3 hour nap.

[insert: it was gooooooooooooood]

So the tradition continues, I finished the rest of my bacon today. It was full of grease and goodness; because I'm worth it.
DS7 and I are going to go to Green Village today, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A DINING TABLE. So we can have people over for fancy dinner parties. We can already have people over for fancy sitting parties and sleep overs (sexy and non), but we can't have a fancy dinner party (sexy or non). So that is the mission for today should we choose to accept it, (we will).

[insert: pretty sure this is what we are looking for]

So that's going to happen.

I'm really nervous about my taxes...back in Chicago they had my with a dependent for some reason. I called them was like, no no no that is wrong wrong, and they are like, sucka ain't nothin' we can do about it now. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. so nervous ya'll.

So I guess the sooner I do my taxes the sooner I can either set my mind at ease or kill myself, either or!

To Wong Fo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar

DS7 and I just got back from Green Village we got a kitchen table and a bookshelf!

and now I'm watching the best movie ever.

Thanks for everything!

after laughter

2010-01-23T16:40:00.004-06:00

oh? and what am I doing this Saturday night?

oh yeah, watching figure skating with the roommate...

gay.

there was a booming

2010-01-23T15:18:00.006-06:00

I started out my weekend watching T.V. in my bed.

Yup, that was my Friday night! I watched a lot of T.V. in my living room and bedroom. I watched 30Rock
Ugly Betty
and other gay things
LIKE PROJECT RUNWAY

This season on Project Runway it seems like Lifetime isn't fucking around anymore and decided to put on a quality t.v show. All the contestants seem pretty talented and they all have different aesthetics. They made burlap sack dresses in the last episode.

The sassy black gay guy, was being sassy and gay, and we all nodded our head and said,"yes, change."
The cute bebearded bespectacled well dressed (he dresses like how I like to dress which is why I say well) gay guy was sassily concerned over other asians (Ping! I'm not being racist that's her actual name) dress thing that would have looked interesting if it were better made and better thought out.

The gaysian was being spritely and harried, but he ended up winning the damn challenge, even though I think that his dress looked like an ice skaters dress, buuuuuuuut that'sjustme.
[insert winner]

I personally think that what'sherface, amy? Whatever the one that kinda looks like that new girl on SNL's dress should have won.
[insert: shouda winner]

I also thought that Jesus doesn't bring anything to the table. An I'm not just saying this because he wears clip on bowties, I'm saying this b/c he just kinda sux and that he doesn't take the time to learn how to tie a bowtie.

Also, I don't think anyone understood what Ping was saying, not because of her accent (well maybe b/c of her accent) because what she was saying made little to no sense
[insert: ping!]

And that is what I did/what I'm doing this weekend. That and bacon, I had a lot of bacon.
[insert:numnumunm]

but what do I know?

can't read

2010-01-22T17:48:00.001-06:00

I didn't write in this yesterday b/c

I WENT TO THE LADY GAGA MONSTER BALL

IT WAS AMAZING NO WORDS HANDS DOWN
FANTASTIC

i want you to

2010-01-20T19:55:00.003-06:00

Lady Gaga tomorrow! yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

[insert: o my gaga fuck yes]

So that is going to be awesome

[insert: duh]

I can't wait till I meet her.

[insert: squeeee/coy]

Because that's what happens when you go to a concert, right? You get to meet the artist no matter what, right?

right?

OF COURSE RIGHT

never trust a big butt and

2010-01-19T18:30:00.003-06:00

I bought a lot of kale!

KALE, It's super delicious I tells ya, delicious! and also super good for you. It has vitamins and nutrient and can turn you into super man if you have it IV'd to you for at least 4 days.

I don't think that first part is right, everything else, I'm pretty sure is %100 correct.

[insert: man o'steel vegetable]

I woke up this morning and my wrist hurt. and NO, it wasn't because I was on a date with my hand! It's becaaaaaause I was in a long term relash with my hand!

MASTURBATION JOKE. It wasn't even a joke.

I also made pork chops for dinner today and lunch tomorrow. I also sauteed onion, mushrooms and kale (well i actually only slightly warmed the kale) in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, (ok between you and me; I had to spell check vinegar), I also made rice.

IT WAS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Maybe I shoulda taken a pikshure. meh.

This video is old but still good (and my old I mean so last year):

2 days till that GAGz

i'm an island

2010-01-18T09:53:00.003-06:00

So yesterday was a simultaneously exciting and horrifying day.

Exciting because I got my BED DELIVERED.
Horrifying because it's an Ikea bed.

[insert: It now looks like a I have a cartoon bed in my room]

I'm going to have to do something to keep it from looking so g-d generic. There's nothing wrong with having an Ikea bed, I mean they are cheap and I can't afford anything else so it's a take it or leave it situation AND I'MA TAKE IT. I feel like a big boy now sitting in my bed.

Exciting because I got my bed.
Horrifying because I HAD TO GO BACK TO IKEA

Yes friends, I had to go back to that fucking store equal parts, desperation and reasonably priced furniture. Because they (Ikea) forget to tell me that I also needed a midbeam or else my bed wouldn't work. So I had to make my odyssey back to Ikea.

I felt like Orpheus going back to the underworld, but instead of a lover I was going back to buy a ten dollar piece of metal. samesies!

[insert: I didn't look motherfuckin' back, I'm not a fool and it was also only a beam and not a lover....]

It took me abooooooooout 1:45 to get to Ikea in the freezing rain. Took me 10 minutes to find the beam and check out. Then another 1:45 to get back to the ole' apty in the rain etc...

HORRIFYING

Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway even though it's "needless," Ikea is hell on earth. It takes two buses and a transfer to get to hell and it'll take most of your day.

On the up side I got to hang out with Warbles! Also NeuroGlo was also in town and we all had dinnnnnnner and got Indian food and it was good and it made my stomach happy. I was glad to see NeuroGlo, she sometimes comes down from Boston and it's always a treat!

oh DUH happy MLK Day! <3 unity <3 togetherness <3 dreams and equal rights

guitar strum fade out!

gravity's my enemy

2010-01-17T11:26:00.003-06:00

Well here I am friends, in my living room, waiting for my bed to be delivered.

It's that thing where it's a window period, between 10-2. And for some reason, one always thinks that the delivery will be in the early part of that window period. But it never is. EVER EVER EVER. So I'm most likely not going to get it till like............2

;(

got the bed.

(also technically it's still Sunday night NOT Monday morning.)

show me your teeth

2010-01-16T13:29:00.002-06:00

lady gaga in 6 days

wake up in the morning

2010-01-16T12:54:00.002-06:00

wait N V M D that is stupid type for never mind. I actually woke up in the afternoon thank you very much.

and that's it.

happy weekend

a mistress

2010-01-14T18:36:00.002-06:00

I'm almost there, I'm almost that the point where I can maybe start calling myself a real boy! I'm getting a bed on Saturday!

[insert: I'm going to do many things on it! like ponder my existence! and cry myself to sleep!]

I also bought groceries and did laundry! So what I can never go out or do anything fun with my friends! Psych! I'm still going to do all those things? What's wrong with me?

A lot of things. That's the answer. A lot of things.

I was a lil' wonk-0-tron at work today. But as the day was getting closer to it's inevitable end I got better. I don't think it was because the workday was over; I think it was because, I don't know, the prospect of buying food and doing laundry? I'm a very simple person. I like doing simple things like eating and drinking and wearing clothes and sleeping in beds.

Easy.

fearing God like

2010-01-13T18:58:00.003-06:00

I've been listening to "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha and it kinda makes me want to kill myself ya'lls

It's annoying as fuck but I can't stop listening to it.

[insert: it makes my ears bleed but in a not that bad way?]

I think that people are trying to create an arbitrary rivalry between Lady Gaga and Ke$ha, and I think that is the dumbest (yeah i said dumbest), just because they both made it/are making it "big" with songs about getting drunk and partying doesn't mean they are the same. duh, people just like getting drunk. right?

In other music newsies.

OH MY JOANNA YES! Joanna Newsom or as I loving have called her Jo-Jo Newsie is coming out with a new album maybe in February. DEEP BREATH
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[insert: oldie but a goooooodie]

ALSO
M(m)I(i)A(a) M.I.A. is coming out with a new album this summmmmmer
YES

gorillavsbear.net: new M.I.A. | "there's space for ol dat i see"

thank you gorillavbear!

so many ladays makin muse-ack!

my ears are imploding

in our town

2010-01-12T09:53:00.003-06:00

It's the fucking early bird spesh ya'll, (the fact that I call 11 early is a little disconcerting)!

[insert >50 n' lovin' it]

I've decided since I'm already up and dressed for work I might as well write a little bit. Also for selfish reasons since I don't want to do it/will forget when I got home tonight maybe(probably).

Whatttttttttttt else? Watched The Wendy Williams Show this morning
[insert: quote how you doin'? end quote]

And I love it. Like every gay and person of color and gay person of color should and does and might not admit to/will adamantly admit to/have never heard of, it's a thing. Oh I also hear the ladays love it too.

what the fuck Whoopi "Speaking of "T's:" AvaTar." I'm a fan of barely strung together transition but even that is a streeeeeeeeetch.

Speaking of stretch: I made chicken last night. See? It doesn't work Whoopi. My chicken looks good, I didn't have any of it last night. It's for lunch today! I'm excited it smelled crazay good. Hopefully it doesn't give me E. coli!

[insert: fingers crossed I don't get this/eek!]

E. coli or not Joanna Newsom is still pretty:

durh

all of us

2010-01-11T20:51:00.002-06:00

So here we are friends, the second (?)(!) week of the new year and this resolution of writing and I still don't have anything to say!

Gossiping Girlfriends is a rerun tonight. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I also just got home from work and should cook for tomorrow.

Sonic Youth is playing on Galloping Goombas, how embarrassing for everyone.
[insert sonic boom/youth]

Speaking of EMBARRASSING. I went online this weekend and made a bowtie wish list.
[insert: I want to try out diamond tip bow ties. They look kinda weird n classy]

I also ate several cookies today.

things like social status

2010-01-09T20:33:00.008-06:00

So I have this super secret secret squirrel secret. I love watching T.V. I'll literally watch anything. I loved the teevz when I was a kid, omgeeeeeeee peewee hermz was my jam. as well as other misc. cartoons and POWER RANGERS duh.

It's just one of those things that going to a private liberal art school and being somewhat well read (not really) and kinda smart (really not really), means that I should be one of those peeps that's all like:

"what is a tea bee? Do you mean have I gotten my T.B. test done? Why yes! As a matter of fact yes I have."

NO, I kinda like T.V. And you know what? It's O.K.

I think it's:
O
K
[insert teeeeevz]

I was thinking since this was a Sunday,I was going to write a shawty post but I've decided NOT to restrict myself. I'm just going to write in this till I'm good and done and or can't think of anything else to write. Which shouldn't be hard:
1. because I'm lazy
2. because I'm inconsistent
3. because as I've mentioned....I lost my train of thought.

[insert: TRAINS of thought]

Oh hello Anthony Bourdain! Why sure I would love to watch your show, while I flip through other channels!
-Why sure! I wouldn't mind to eat pigeon in Cairo either Tony!
-rice, paste, beans, lentils, chickpeas and fried onion? sure? ok! oh they are all in one dish? Might as well!
-Goat brains, guts, bile, eye and everything else? Maaaaaaaaaybe.
-Anything pork? oh hellllllllllllll to the yes

I was looking up recipes last night. I was looking up recipes for pupusas, and I think I'm going to attempt to tame the beast! I'll never be one of those people that are super into food and or call themselves "foodies"
1. because I'll never be that lame "foodies?" srsly?
2. I not sure if I have the dedicate
3. Or perhaps the means, I mean cooking good food is kinda expensive. amIright?

Why would anyone want a Big Mac™ taco? I mean I like Big Mac's™ and I like taco's but those are two great tastes that probably do not go well together.

What I've always loved about food and cooking is the history that comes from food. People and cultures have been making the same dishes for hundreds/thousands of years yet each individual can have such a personal experience with food. There is a certain personal and larger cultural ownership that comes with making and eating food.

Like with me and pupusas. I have sucha large sense of Salvadorean pride when it comes to the food that I've grown up with and specifically with pupusas because that is a dish that was invented in El Salvador and it's delicious as all get out. Learning how to make it would give me a sense of accomplishment plus, psssh I don't always have to buy them if i want to eat it.

[insert: I wanna be this lady]

I guess that's what neat or dumb about American food. The U.S. is so new and the food comes from so many different backgrounds that "American" food is so hard to categorize. Being new there is also room and a place to grow.

James McAvoy as Mr. Tumnus is super hot. only me?

I doubt it.........?

i care about material

2010-01-09T17:08:00.003-06:00

I had to go into work today for training. Oh baby it's training training.

I'm super hungry but I guess non-stop Degrassi will have to suffice.

;(

I don't like this video or the song that much:

I really like this video and this song:

duh.

Welcome to my weekend