California Love

I’m going going back back to Cali Cali. I’m sitting in the ole hunk of metal and fuel jet-setting (where are my white thigh high go-go boots!?) my way to Californie to visit my friend Aubz. It’s been aaaaages, (like a month or something) since I’ve last seen her. It would be more climactic id she hadn’t already visited New Jerk City. Thanks a lot aubz, thanks for making this reunion all the less special.

I’m my flight to Chicago, since I can’t afford a direct flight, even when I bought my ticket like 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE, I was stuck beside a very presumptuous (<- who knew it was spelled like that! I didn’t!) women that asked my to hold her coffee for her. Well less of a request and more of a shoving a coffee cup into my paw and saying “hold this.” Well sure. I’ve been raised a polite Midwesterner, also I didn’t want scalding coffee to get all up on my lap. No sir and or ma’am that isn’t my cup o’tea. Sure if she had asked nicely or at all I woulda gladly said yes! I have nothing against small requests especially if we are going to be crammed into this glorified air bus.

A little later when the flight attendant was passin’ by with some snackies the woman beside me was takin’ a lil nap. After the attendant had passed, the woman roused and saw that I was enjoying my delicious, free airline snack, with my headphones in BEE TEA DOUBLE-U, proceeds to poke me and say “can you get me mine?” This woman as far as I can tell is perfectly healthy, robust even! So I just look over at her, I guess slightly incredulously, because come on, getcha own snack boo. She then amends her request, “can you get her attention so I can get my snack?” The flight attendant was already coming over, the woman beside me was wasting much need attention grabbing energy with me that should have been unleashed toward the attendant. She’s got the power of the cheese crackers and peanuts, not me friends, most certainly not me. So I simply raised my hand, when the attendant was passing and gestured toward my aisle companion.

I’m not complaining I barely did anything, I raised my hand and held a cup.

I’ve done more for less? I don’t even know if that’s true.

But wherever you my presumptuous flight friend, you’re welcome and thank you for teaching me the spelling of the word presumptuous.

California here we come!

What a day and stupid motherfucking day to be my last day of work before my gaycavtion! That’s a vacation for gay people! See! I can be just as dumb as The Wall Street Journal !

It’s dreary, rainy, doubleshift kinda stupid day. SUCK IT

But for real ya’lls I’m going to California tomorrow. There are several things I’ve been doing to prepare. Several!

There are 4 songs that I’ve been listening to in order to get totally ready bro! They all have either California or L.A in them. Shut up; I’m lazy. PLUS dumb. I’m lazy and dumb.

Lets cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck them out?

California Girls by the Magnetic Fields, because…duh. Who doesn’t hate California laydays! They are shallow, materialistic…basically everything I am because I’m a ‘Merica BUT they have the added bonus of being in a sunny climate. This is why I hate California Girls!


California Girls by the Beach Boys, curz at the same time Cali girls are big ole slut bags so what’s NOT to love?.......! These boys just love going to the beach and makin’ music. The one offensive is the line about Midwest Girls. They don’t know how to make you feel good. That’s why I’m gay. CLASSIC


Ode to L.A. by The Ravenoettes. Who doesn’t want to just get the eff out of wherever they are and go to a place in which the American Mythos has created to be full of sun, beautiful people, glamour and something else…botox, I think. To see how the other coast lives. To possibly (most likely) get annoyed by those sun-dappled assholes. Get a salad or something, I don’t know what they eat over there.


In California by Joanna Newsom because I’m kind of a sentimental hippie at heart. Seriously! If you chip away at the pretension and idiocy, I’ma flower child wishing only peace and love and the crossing of borders (unless you’re an illegal DUH ;( ) and the reconnecting of people and exploration of things that you don’t know and have never seen.


I’ve also been watching non stop Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Squeeeeeeeeee! To get ready to get my self thrown into the hellmouth.

WOOOLF HOOOOOWL Dananana-dananana (guitar riff) buffy song.


I'm out!

might as well

Buy a ticket to California, which is what I did.

Sure, I have other bills to pay, but you know, buy it while the buyin' is good?

Yeah, we'll go with that.

[insert: califoooooornia here we coooooooooooooooooome]


But this is far in the future; in JULY! So while I'll feel the pinch now, once July rolls around Future Me™ will think Past Me™ was pretty smart. Pretty...pretty clever.
So soon, but not too soon, one of my besties on the enetz and I will be hangin' out on the West Coast.

West Coast: Best Coast?

East Coast: Yeast Coast?


So that's the what the future looks like or maybe it'll look like this.

[insert: scarepocalypse now!]

I was pretty tired for most of the day today. I came home and laid in bed with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. I also watched Arrested Development.

So good.




cornballing piece of sh*t