We Don't Need No Stinkin' School

Oye chico, son 6 méses, y now Sra. Botwin es living with Esteban. Yup.

We find the newly formed Reyes-Botwin, or would it be Botwin-Reyes? couple in the huge-ass bathroom. A visibly pregnant Nancy is taking a shower, and Esteban is reading a baby naming book, "What NOT to name your baby." Almost everything, down to the literature, about this baby is negative, this child, if he makes it, is going to need some serious therapy.
There's a kind of ease and comfort to their relationship, that, I assume, one can only get from living under the same roof in relative happiness for 6 months. They even cuddle!...With Esteban naked...? Sure, whatever works.

And now Nancy is engaged! Why not! Anything that will keep her tied to Esteban, keep her tied to life, she's willing to do. Not only for her own safety but also to have something over anyone really, she needs to feel power, especially when she is in a powerless situation; all her well-being depending on Esteban. She tries to bring the news to shame, I mean Shane, (who was conceived when Ms. Botwin was hammered btw, oh the joys of motherly revelations!). Pero, sorpresa, Shane cool as a cucumber, drinkin' his cafesito, is all, "duurh mom, Esteban and I totes had that convo". Oh teens, will you ever cease to be precocious? Oh lawd even Mr. Dreamy Ignacio knew. Maybe next time Nance.

Off Shane and Ignacio go to school. Psych! Off they go to the streets to get some real education. While Nancy is left to ponder, breaking the news of the engagement to El Andy.

Feeling equally powerless is blonde beauty Silas. Having to deal with a douchebag cop that, according to a school friend, is mildly retarded, (I'm beginning to agree), that is hanging around the shop much too much. Wanting to get "faded." Ugh, the only reason he became a cop was because he was too annoying to get invited to any parties so he decided, "if I become a cop, I'll have to get friends, especially if they don't want their parties busted." Smart?

Andy, Andy with a full beard and a lil, (substantionally, he was a thin guy!), more belly then when we left him. Remember the super adorbz outfit he had like 2 episodes ago when he was tryin' to be all sporty spice? Controlling the only woman in his life right now: Ms. Pacman. Ms. Pacman won't break up with Andy in a note and runoff to her Mexican druglord/Mayor/baby-daddy; Ms. Pacman won't force Andy to fuck her while a thousand hobos watch them; Ms. Pacman just wants to eat ghosts, and right now, that's all Andy wants to do as well. So Andy wasted all his money on toys, because if he had kept it, he would have been reminded how much he failed to get Nancy.
But guess which ghost won't stay buried? That's right! Nancy.

Before we can get to that! Isabelle is stuck with the disgusting job of giving Doug the cheapest, fakest tan; worthy of New Jersey. Isabelle somehow keeps whatever she might have in her stomach down, I think it was mostly through the power of snark. There are moments when you see flashes of both Celia and Nancy in Isabelle, understandably since they are, God help her, the biggest role models she has. Are you there God it's me Isabelle. After sassin' her momma's lazy ass to walk to the bus stop to get to work in the mall, Hodes goes back a'sprayin'.

Now for your main event. Andy, lost in his the arms of Ms. Pacman get's a phone call from she-who-must-not-be-named. Ignoring her like he has been for the past 6 months he let's it ring. But of course with news like this Hurricane Nancy will not be stopped. Like gale force winds in swoops Nancy into her old haunt. Andy ignores her. Nancy monologues about how he hasn't been there for her, srsly? Nance, you left him, dumping him with the dumping plan he came up with. So I'm glad he ignored for as long as a did. This once again felt Nancy probably feeling a lil powerless. Didn't even need to tell Shane, Ignacio, fuck even Silas and now, well her lil puppy El Andy has grown a beard and didn't give you the reaction you expected. So off she goes.
What saw you El Andy?
Fuck.

Doug is talking about how George Hamilton screwed his step-mom, lives off his rich friends and is basically boss in every way and that gave him the idea to stand up to the idiot cop and kick him outa the store. But Idi-cop tried to hit him, swing an' a miss! and down goes tubby and boom! knocked out thanks to the counter. Well, fuck. Silas, your local clown just screwed you like G-Ham screwed his step-mom.

In prison, Nancy finally gets what she wants. She tells, Guillermo that not only is she still alive and pregnant but she's gonna stay alive and pregnant now that's she's going to become Mrs. Reyes or Botwin-Reyes or whatever. The thing about Guillermo and Nancy is that they can push each others buttons so well and they lurv seein' each other squirm. Guillermo with the knowledge that Nancy's boi'frien killed a DEA and he might be getting out soon; Nancy with the certainty that if she asked she could probz get Guillermo capped. Soooooooo finally a round goes to Nancy and her kickin' baybay.

A quick pit-stop at the links, where we see Shane enjoyin' thug life con Ignacio. Taunting white people is fun. It's a well kept secret in the P.O.C. community and I really shouldn't be saying it but it is. So Shane got to pretend to be all under-privileged, ummmm you live in a manse with the Mayor of Mexico, and heckle whitey playin golf, possibly one of the whitest sports evah, I don't care what you say Bagger Vance. Then Shane saw Ignacio go APE-SHIT. See that's anger that's crazay. Shane has a while to go before he get's there.

Back at the house Nancy complains that she's fat, ermmm no. Even for a preggo, still pretty thin. Shane never wants to go to a sporting event with Ignacio. Ever. And Ignacio is fine and just bounces somewhere, maybe to go see milo and otis. Esteban goes to fence. Enter El Andy, after some light saber moves that would put George Michael Bluth to shame, El Andy and Esteban start to duel. It's kinda hot in that misogynistic way that they are basically fighting over Nancy. Of course Esteban wins. He's a winner/tool. And besides El Andy had lightsaber moves against a guy that has a personal fencing trainer.
At least El Andy get's a some good words in with Nancy. 1(Judah), 2(Peter), 3(maybe Esteban, since all her husbands seem to die....pretty quickly) times a widower. Have you guy's forgotten about Peter Scottson DEA? Andy hasn't. With that El Andy breaks free from Hurricane Nancy (for now).

Celia, while waiting for the busy, meets the woman she will now cling to as hope to build herself up. An Avon-Lady type woman. Yeah poor Celia, life hasn't turned out great for you has it? Now you'll aspire to be an Avon-Lady. Sigh, everyone should have a dream.

In true Weeds fashion, an ending isn't an ending without a cliffhanger. Enter Mysterious Woman. MW, not only shoots amazing eye dangers at Nancy, but basically tells Esteban, white lady got to go. Then leaves. That's power Nancy, you should take lessons. With that the weddings off.

Isn't life fun?

just one of those

So i tried my first hand at recaping an episode of a teebee show and i'ma try to do it again. Because, well, that's how i roll...or something. eh?

[insert show's i'ma start out with]


Are these poster sexist? If i didn't create them but am still posting them sexist? what if i'm a feminist? IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING.

eh? eh???? ok

as long as we're still on the same page.

Previously On

Weeds, is one of those shows that slowly drags you in like quicksand or the prospect of meeting an old boy/girlfriend. Much as you struggle to escape it's easier to just slowly get pulled in. Right?

Right.

Nancy and Andy are waiting in waiting room, it's seems as if the past four episodes have been Nancy and Andy waiting in a waiting room. Waiting for love, for escape, for death, for Godot. While, Nancy get's all uppity white privileged lady (nitrates! heaven forbid!) on a some grrl about to get hovered (thank you Andy), Andy is doing what Andy does best being a payaso...science. Yet, in his inner/outer monoramblings the seeds of ill-fated plan come to bloom.

Nancy finally get's some lady2lady time with Alanis Morrisette, I mean her gyno. Alanis does a really good job in this lil' scene. It wasn't all....I'm alanis morissette.....look at me, tryin' to act. It was oh I'm an gyno, i like pancakes, you can trust me. And trust Nancy needs some laday frienz, even if she has to pay to get them. Nancy leaves feeling somewhat rejuvinated in that not at all kinda way, finding her salvation (at least olfactory) in herbs. While Andy, like most clown/jester, will seemingly spouting nonsense is trying to give her some semblance of wisdom, abort the gopher and head to Copenhagen. (I have a friend whose mom is from Denmark, and i would head to Copenhagen in a second. Skoll! or however you spell that) But like a good and scared mommy she is, she'll stick to the herbs. Gophers be damned!

Shane and Isabelle, are doing what teens/tweens(?) do best, getting angry at the world and fucking shit up. Srsly, we've all been there, am I right? That's why it's so embarrassing to watch/enjoyable to watch since at least Shane as some real issues; dead dad, drug dealing mom, mexican mafia, some asshole ginger jacked his weeds; check, check and double check. But luckily(?) he has a Ignacio, the foxy, in a dangerous crazy way, bodyguard. Not to be all creepster on ya'll but Ignacio is kinda hot? Whatever he has a charming smile. Even when (especially when?) he's shooting that gun freakin' er'body out and givin the kids hope for justice. Old school eye for an eye justice that tweens love.

Meanwhile in the batcave, Nancy finds the Joker, I mean Celia hiding between the manure and the Coldspot. That's where I left her! As Nancy freaks out and Celia begs and threatens in that self-depricating/aggressive way, you know how she do. Nancy out of the goodness of her heart(maybe it's the Mexican baby growing insider her)/not needing to deal with this shit, let's her stay. But soon our Celia, our precious Celia, soon discovers DEAD MEXICAN. I always knew that Celia was a big ole racist, but it's still endearing? And to be completely truthful this show has done nothing to dispell any mexican stereotypes. (I'm pulling for Ignacio to do that, fingers crossed!) Nancy lickity-split rings up daddy mexi-bucks(it' not racist if i'm latino, right?...right?) aka Esteban. To handle it.

Handling their own bizznazz is Botwen and Hodes, (I smell spinoff! a la Laverne and Shirley but with drugs and ass-kicking). They bust in on Ginger being incredibly lame playing his theremin along to smooth jazz, something he undoubtedly does every Tuesday after he get's stoned, Wednesday and Thursday is reserved So You Think You Can Dance, (the costumes the music! what's not to love, right?) After some quips by Ginger and bravado from Botwen/Hodes, enter Ignacio with a powerful kidney punch, (so hawt rite?), and Ginger is down! Botwen/Hodes give teach. a lil lesson of there own, where they humilate him, steal his shit (zune! that's how lame he is, a fucking zune.), and kill his bird (heh). Pobresito Ignacio was visibly shaken, (so adorable).

Visibly shaken, as anyone should be when going on a date with crazy in order to get your hands on money that isn't yours was Andy. El payaso, has found himself in a role playing date. With a Mage. This sad women only has one dream one fantasy; fucking Judah. Fucking Judah forever and ever, well at least in between WOW. One get's the feeling that she thinks that if Judah stayed with her she'd be able to cope with the real world. Sorry sweety, once a gaming nerd always a gaming nerd (ain't nothing wrong with it). Mage, having spent most her time in an imaginary world finally gets the chance to live out a real life imaginary scenario! Does that make sense? sure! Getting to fuck Judah one more time, even if it is only with his gay brother. But her imagination/lunacy being strong enough, she was even able to make a hobo ridden pier (complete with shitting, crotch scratching, coughing possible vomiting) the perfect "lovemaking" spot. Andy visibly gagging, thinking about copenhagen, nancy, and probably the fact the "fuck judah, he's dead and look at me! I'm taking care of this family/nancy," goes through with it.

Back at chez Botwen, everything Nancy holds dear is falling apart. Botwen, Hodes and 'Nacio are enjoying the fruit of their labor. Nancy, peeved and wide-eyed, as she will, said something something right and wrong, (seriously? srsly.), Ignacio bless his him kinda put her in her place, not in a misogynistic way but in the, I'm going to tell you the truth b/c you've been lying to yourself long enough kinda way. Shane was happy, Nancy was pissed and Isabelle was just grateful to be with a family that wasn't hers. Nancy dragged Shane to give the shit back to Ginger. Then Nancy goes all bad-ass when Ging' tries to give her son an F. (An F? that could keep him from getting to a good school!) Anyway Nancy, finally having power over someone weaker and more vulnerable, relishes the moment and does some great baseball bat choking and wisdom giving. How she misses season 1! then peaces.

Having returned home Nancy finds Celia happy as a clam, with her blackmailing photos of Sucio being decomposed with acid in Nancy's garage. Check and mate you cunt! Celia thought. I'll get my Ikea! And with that Nancy is stuck with Celia and her toxicity, (where's alanis, nancy is thinking where is my layday frien). More bad news. All her herbs n shit are dead. Yes, Nancy no matter how hard you try Renmar is poison. Good thing you moved there! Andy on the other hand is trying to forget the dirty dirty dirty things that he was forced to do and remember that it was all for Nancy, (it's all for you Damien, all for you). His finally plea, go go go! Van Nuys Copenhagen anywhere. Nancy is too self-involved Armegedon on me! Thank G, Andy finally finally told her it's you, you do this. And Nancy shuts down. Andy once more pleas, break it off with Esteban, a note, a letter and Ambien, all things that will buy them time. But Nancy in her world already has another plan. Goodbye Andy, your crazy fucking and viewing of hobo diarrhea was all for naught. Sucks to be you.

So Nancy and Shane are off to join Esteban. Andy are Celia are now living in house together. Fuck.

Oh and Silas an Doug had their own plot line. The only thing that matters is that Doug is like a Shakespearean clown that continues to fuck everyone over and poor Silas has the (un)fortunate luck of being blonde. But they have a cute moment, after Doug screwed things with the pot agent, (samuri's had to be brought in) where Silas punched Doug in the face! (flashes of momma) then they have a good cry. Because well Doug is a replacement for Judah and Silas is a replacement for Josh. So hopefully their plot will get less boring.

The End.