I can't explain

So the Wiikend is upon us.

I use the royal "us" curz this weekendz isn't upon me.
What is upon me is tomorrow I have to work (YOU BETTA WERQUE). I will once again haul my half dead/half drunk carcass out of my womb-room; off my Ikea bed (60 dollaz ya'll), make like a tree and slowly wilt away and die, my leaves falling off as the briskness of fall seeps into my trunk AND GO TO WORK.

If that made any sense to anyone they need to get their noggin' noodled with.

I've basically been looking at gif's of the Jersey Shore™ all day. So I'm keep this lil jolly open and we'll see where the non-weekend weekend takes us? a'ight?

a'ight.

So after work, on Friday, i got my fettucini alfredo on (I almost typed fattucini alfredo SAME).
I ate an entire thing of that last night.

It was probably meant for two people but since my boifrienz is off jet setting to LA with his white thigh high go-go boots and micro-mini (that's the image i get whenever I use the term "jet-setting" which is why I use the term so much), with his sister.

TWIN sister fyi

(it's nothing like this....or is it?...it's not.)

Saturday came and gone and you blinked and it was still there but you turn your head for a moment, for a moment, then it leaves you, with your book in your hands and without a word to say.

I had a nice dinner wit my sista.

Well, I ate dinner I had two big ass slices of my moms lasagna.

OK listen:

1.) my moms lasagna is the shit

2.) there is no number two because there is no need.

It tasted exactly like I remembered it, which is saying something since it had been, oh about 6 years or so since I've last eaten it.

AND GURRRRRRL IT WAS GOOOOD

it was very good. My mother, is a wonderful cook.

After some pleasant conversation I went home.

And presently I'm watching Jersey Shore™

I will be watching Jersey Shore™ all day. Don't judge me.

Not after what I saw you do that one time at that one thing. Don't think I don't remember.

i'm breaking my

Is this going to be an ongoing thing?

It's saturday! Once again! I'm at work! exclamation pointzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, more like

SEXclamation points?

I had a bit of a celebration last night. (SEXlebration? )I think I'm just going to randomly insert sex in words. And that friends is how a trend is started (sextarted) <- that could be two werdz!

Where was I? Yes. I had a bit of a celebration last night. And by bit I mean a lot of a celebration. becuarz I gots myself a new JOB. Still at my same place of employ but with a new job! No more SEXcretary work for me! No sir, no thank you ma'am, I'll be just fine.

So I was out at the clurb gettin' my drankz on! And then flashforward I was at home eating chicken nuggets.

Somethings are lost and can never be reclaimed. There are moments that are left or forgotten. These are the times that you can only regret because you can never remember. If a tree falls in the woods who's gonna pick up the remains of the body that the tree fell on? Things sextinue.

This thing rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally got away from me!

So yes; new job, finishing up present job, go me.


And did I mention 3 day weekends? I mean sexkends?

I REPLACED WEE WITH SEX

To friends

I hate the fact that even though i made the obvious WEEKEND tag this is in fact not my weekend. This isn't even the squeakend, you know? No chipmunks runnin' round here. It's just another work day.
I'm here.
I'm queer.
And I'm a lil over it.

I didn't like the phrase "over it" for a long time. I thought it added a dismissive quality to the situation that the speaker was in, that, instead of placing them in the dominate position, the speaker was letting themselves become passive in whatever they (the speaker) was either over or under. And then I thought to myself, "Why the fuck am I think about this, I'm over it!" Then it clicked, like so many finger snapping drag queens. I knew. When you become "over" something/someone/some situation, not only do you negate it's dominance, you also in turn regard it with such disdain that the mere thought of it will make you physical sick, so you choose not to think about it anymore.

Just me? Whatever *eye roll


AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING SEXTRA:


C- Oh hey It’s L! Beer? Let me go get you…

L- party still going on?

As C exits

C- did it ever stop!

M- Will it?

L – will…?

M – C ever stop being his charming self?

L – Very/ little chance of that

G – /Oh please at least/ he’s entertaining

L – Entertaining is certainly a word for it.

M – Yeah, bullfighting is also entertaining

L – Not if you’re the bull.

M – Not if you’re the bullfighter

L – Matador

G – It’s a spectacle

L – Where’s that beer? Spectacle?

G – yeah the crowd; excitement

M – Blood

L - -Gore

M – Mauling’s

G – Did you check behind?

Off

C – Found it!

C enters with beer hands it to L

M - -About time, what took you so long?

L – Just…I went through this day and I didn’t know what time it was. Didn’t even look-ask. Walked around...not sure if I did anything. Met up with this…eh he was charming and yeah. Sorry I’m late.

C – The nice outfits; all sparkley n’shit

G – It’s traditional…not sure why

M – Charming….name?...initial?

L – What’d I miss?

C- I was just—

G – instigating

M – Being an asshole –

C – Broken record

L – Having fun I see

M – C was regaling us with wisdom he picked up some 10 or so years ago back while he was playing games in some class. Psychology, Sociology? God knows, C surely doesn’t…

C – Just because I touched a nerve.

L – Not hard

G – Thank you

M – Of course it’s not hard when you try so much.

C – You call that trying?

G/L//C – Please!

G – It is. I know it is…Not trying is just vaguely…it’s just a vague sense of being vaguely annoying

Beat

L – Charming; outgoing to the point of almost being…overwhelming

M – But not, right?

L – No, I mean yeah, right.

C – So you met someone, who isn’t an asshole.

L – Yeah I guess I did.

oh baby!

So apparently I only write in this thing-a-ma-jing either the day of or the day after a run! I’m usually at work! Don’t tell the boss (who’s the boss?)

Whatever!

Patterns! Nature finds away!

Welcome to

*pause*pause*pause*

JURASSIC MCCARREN PARK

I don’t even know anymore? !

SO I had a capital “G” Great weekend that only involved slight damage to my body.

Friday rolled around and a nurse friend of mine’s boifrienz had a big gay ole birfday partay.

And let me tell you something, it was…something!

Well let’s just put it all out there. I first had a few drinkz with my friend and his boyfriend and then I had a few drinks at the bday party and THEN I found myself on the train going home.

So unless I entered into a Lynchian fugue state, which is something I’ve not entirely dismissed. For all I know, I could completely changed my face and started a whole new life that I (first person I) has no idea!

Which is basically kind of what happened when you drink, right? You talk to people you normally would just look on from a distance, creepily admiring his nice beard.

Or d-d-d-dancing like you limbs were made only to move to the beat! Or even slurring out some truth bombs; I love you, you smell, what’s your name again nvm I could care less! Where was I? Oh yes, I DIDN’T enter a fugue state (..?) I DID just end up home it was….disturbing.

N E way that happened! Maybe.

On Saturday OMGEEZ rolled into town! OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo child it was nice.

We went to Pete’s Candy Shop, andletmetellyou what, they do NOT serve candy there.

Iiiif youKnowWhatImean

They serve alcohol.

But they also served conversation! We talked about the heat mostly. It was nice and hot and sticky my favorite types of weather. Maybe it’s genetics or some kinda of cultural memory, but give me Hot and Humid over Dry and Hot any mofo day.

So will my Caucasian pallies were steaming I was enjoying a cool beer, wearing my tank top and shorts. Oh, well I guess dressing like a S L U T doesn’t hurt either!

OMGeez was awesome and we talked about oh you know; our ultimate arrival to fame and (mis)fortune, our star studded life in the fringes of society.

Laters, we went to a dance party at some clurb and it was a soul, funk, Motown themed night. And we twisted, mash-potatoed, shucked, jived until we could see straight.

That kind of music/dancing best suits the heat. You can slow it down or speed it up and it feels good sweating to the music or feeling someone else body against your.

I ended up entering the dance competish and I’m not trying to say that I won it buuuuut

I didn’t win it.

I did twist my “A” off and got in the finals ya’ll.

So that’s an accomplishment?

I did have some boy say “You are definitely are going to win”

And then my heart melted and I asked him out on a date and he said, “Yes! Yes of course! I dreamed that you would ask! Once I saw you dancing I knew that you should be mine!”

Of course

I didn’t say anything to him I just nodded and did…oh thanks gesture and went on my way.

So I got to dance and it was nice to move and sweat and be hot.

Then I walked home tired but happy.

Then on Sunday I had some BURRRRRRRRRRITOS with Aubz, LK and V.smith. It was good. We also bought some make up.

And generally acted like precocious 13 year olds. All a titter, but with more cursing and A LOT more sexually explicit.

Like A LOT.

Why don't you

It's a windy and slightly cool Saturday evening so I, of course, have found myself gettin' my drank on and watching the teevee. It's a sad state of affairs.

I did buy some shüs though. So this was a "productive" day.

Oh, I also went to work, but meh that barely counts as being productive. I DID GET MY ICE COFFEE DRANK ON.

It was basically like drinking cafe con leche, which I have been drinking since I was like 7 or 8. I'm actually surprised that my growth wasn't stunted. Or maybe it was...maybe I should be like 5'11''! Imagine! Me! I do....too often.

I've started this post with some kind of purpose, but like so many things it has escaped me.

it goes and goes and goes and goes it goes goes goes it and it goes and it

I found out I'm going to get a new brother.

well, will you look at that

swallowed by a

Dear Diary,

Just came back from a dance party. It felt like I was in a semi-good friend (more likely and acquaintance)'s apartment.

Which I think was the appeal.

But I just could not believe how many homosexuals where there! I'm almost positive that there wasn't a single person there that wasn't of the homosexual experience...

There I was, in a loft space that was covered in pink and black construction paper, and let me tell you, the entrance looked like a cave! Those homosexuals and their love of the theme parties! It never ceases to amaze.

There were also some women there. They did not seem to be bothered by the, dare I say it, excesses of homosexual men. In fact they seemed to not be interested in the men at all. They were perfectly content dancing among themselves. Sure they danced with the men as well but it was platonic. Which I enjoyed thoroughly.

The music! The dancing! The gaiety! It was all exhilarating.

The walk home was quite pleasant as well. Going out into the cool evening air was much appreciated after dancing with a room full of homosexuals. It got very hot in there! In more ways the one...there was also humidity.

Well diary, that's all I have.

Oh! This what the gentlemen sort of looked like. Well the jist of what they looked like!

You're the best!

Going dooooooown. party town.

On Saturday I really wanted friday chicken but, SURPRISE, there is no fucking fried chicken anywhere in williamsblurg.

SERIOUSLY?

So instead I went shorpping. Insteading of eating delicious, high cholesterol causing, heart-attack inducing, fried chickens, I smoosh smoshed my way to thriftin store. Well it actually isn't a thrift store, it's a vintage store.

DIFFERENCE.

And I bought some shirts(!) and shoes(.) The shoes are only a'ight.

Wow, I never realized how boring talking about shopping is.

so so sososososososos sosoo sosoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

and that right there

When asked, sometimes I answer "oh you know just...stuff." But last night, a stroke of genius. Or maybe just a stroke! My mouth did get all lopsided (is it kinda sad that I initially misspelled genius but I had no problem with lopsided?)!

"creative nonfiction" and with those two words I was set free. Fictional nonfiction...which basically means I can be a liar and no one can say shit!

Sitting in the dimly light bar; the kind of bar that gets dimlier light, dimmer lighter, I was confronted with the, "oh, what do you write?" Honestly I never thought that I would become on of those people that says, "Oh, I write."

Because that's not the whole motherfuckin' truth. (<-------adamant much?) I like to write and I like to write in this billa bong betty babe blog and i like alliteration. But I don't write. I'm not a writer. I have friends who are writers and that's what they do or try to do. I'm just here for giggle n' things. So after my friend asked me that, after I was done punching him in the face repeatedly until i collapsed from exhaustion. My knuckles bloody and possibly broken. I picked myself up, dragged my friend up by the collar slapped him back to consciousness I said "creative nonfiction."

flying a

It's that time again where I kinda just leave myself time enough to write whatever I want in this thing.

Oh, wait, I've confounded myself, I already do write whatever I want in this bucket o' shit that is my blizzy.

I awoke this morning to the sounds of belts hitting flesh, and I thought to myself, "ah, another Sunday morning." You don't see specials about THAT on CBS. Heh, imagine.

[insert; yeah...think about that]



After I steeled myself and metaphorically scrubbed out my ears with symbolic(?) bleach, I made some breakfast!

[insert: it didn't look like this]

Well it sorta looked like that, but the toast had jam! Jams I tells ya!

I started watching Archer the new cartoon on FX™. It's a total bro cartoon, but I can't help but find it fun/funny. This is only because I'm a sucker for cartoons talking abut fucking and saying bad words. This new sub genre of comedy that is part Arrested Development/Family Guy/It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia/something else with a more masculine feel to it, is still somewhat of a mystery to me. They are completely aware of, i guess i would say their offensiveness but that somehow seems wrong. It's like they are being satirical about being crude. I'm not sure they are being anti-pc, which can be a legitimate form of expression (only sometimes and if done well ie. Arrested Development and 30 Rock), but they are just kinda being so outlandishly crude and vulgar it becomes a commentary on why we find certain things vulgar. I'm not sure that makes sense.

Oh well, I did L-O-L at it. So that something.

I just took a lil nap listening to Jo-jo Newsy. It was good.

this wasn't a long as i thought it would be






that's what








no one said

shooting stars

I've done nothing today. I'm so tiiiiiiiiiired, while i was typing that I was trying to think of a way to incorporate tire iron, but I couldn't, so...tire iron.

[insert: I don't know why I think of these things, I just do, then I write them down]


Last night a couple of coworker and I went out to a magazine party at SUGARLAND, the local gay discotheque. There where a lot of hotties hawtees hot teas(?) there. As per usual I went home alone and drunk and cried myself to sleep while i was eating a sandwich.

scene:

Door opens to a disheveled apartment.
An assortment of shoes strewn near the entrance.
Miscellaneous clothes and underwear are in the kitchen (the bathroom is located off of the kitchen, so it isn't as gross as it sounds, but still pretty, ooky).
The florescent lights turn on to a be-suspendered 23 year old homosexual with one pant leg rolled up to reveal a tube sock worn over the calf (he was trying something for the evening, whatever he thought it looked ok).
He makes a sandwich, turns on his laptop, starts crying hysterically.

end scene

I joke, I joke.....or do I?




I wouldn't kick that outa bed

there was a booming

I started out my weekend watching T.V. in my bed.

Yup, that was my Friday night! I watched a lot of T.V. in my living room and bedroom. I watched 30Rock
Ugly Betty
and other gay things
LIKE PROJECT RUNWAY

This season on Project Runway it seems like Lifetime isn't fucking around anymore and decided to put on a quality t.v show. All the contestants seem pretty talented and they all have different aesthetics. They made burlap sack dresses in the last episode.

The sassy black gay guy, was being sassy and gay, and we all nodded our head and said,"yes, change."
The cute bebearded bespectacled well dressed (he dresses like how I like to dress which is why I say well) gay guy was sassily concerned over other asians (Ping! I'm not being racist that's her actual name) dress thing that would have looked interesting if it were better made and better thought out.

The gaysian was being spritely and harried, but he ended up winning the damn challenge, even though I think that his dress looked like an ice skaters dress, buuuuuuuut that'sjustme.
[insert winner]


I personally think that what'sherface, amy? Whatever the one that kinda looks like that new girl on SNL's dress should have won.
[insert: shouda winner]


I also thought that Jesus doesn't bring anything to the table. An I'm not just saying this because he wears clip on bowties, I'm saying this b/c he just kinda sux and that he doesn't take the time to learn how to tie a bowtie.


Also, I don't think anyone understood what Ping was saying, not because of her accent (well maybe b/c of her accent) because what she was saying made little to no sense
[insert: ping!]



And that is what I did/what I'm doing this weekend. That and bacon, I had a lot of bacon.
[insert:numnumunm]



but what do I know?