in my mind

CHICAGO

I’ve been putting off starting this whole blizzog (blizzard blog?) post, for I think, the OBVIOUS reason, that I can’t be funny about Ch-ch-ch-chicago. At least not in the same way that I can be funny about any other shit town in the ole U-S of A. I guess because this city still has a lot of sentimental value for me. It was the city I started being a real live HU-MAN.

So yes, my feelings are a little more earnest when it comes to this, the windiest of cities. On the other hand FUCK IT

Right?

I got off at O’Hare and thought, why is this aeropuerto so big? And why is ey’body so fat? And I thought oh yes a’course it’s the mid-motherfuckin-west baby!

So I took the trusty (?) blue line to Logan Sq where I am and will be currently staying for the duration.

I called my friend Yas, and was all like, “hey gurl how you livin’ where ya apty at?” or something along those lines. She gave me her directions and thinking I was “all that and a bag of chips” I though oh hell yeah I know this city. In reality I’ve never spent that much time in Logan Sq and even when I did live here I constantly google mapped everywhere and was lost pretty much 70-80 percent of the time. So I walked the opposite direction for a good 3 blocks and turned myself around and I made it! I made it the place I was staying.

No police had to be called, no dogs let loose, no search parties sent out endlessly searching for the body that will never be found because the meat has been scavenged, the bones picked clean and long since buried. No! None of that happened.

But I made it. I set my shit down and said look world! Look Chicago! Here I am.

I situated myself and soon was out the door with Yas enjoying the fresh Midwestern air, the ample streets, the trees along the side walk; the trees! So many trees! And not all designated to parks!
We got Thai and then we ate brownies that had a little somethin’ extra…nuts! Walnuts! We had brownies with some of her friendies from school and grrrrrrrrrrl dem brown were güd.

I then met up with my ole roomie Jax and had a heartfelt hug and talked about life over a beer…then…we watched South Park with her boyfriend and boyfriends brother. Slow down! So crazay!


After the pleasantries, reminiscing and a good night sleep Jax, BBS, his bro and I got our BURGER ON. We went to Kumas Corner, Kumas Korner? whatever. It’s this kinda famous burger place in here in Chicago and I had the most delicious burga evah. NOM NOMNOM. It had a fried egg, bacon and cheddar. UUUUUUuuuuuuuugh things that make you mmm things that make you go mmm-mm-mmm.

Needless to say, we had lunch at noon and I was full until about the next day.

That didn’t stop me from going to eat some good Indian food on Devon. It was *kissy hand motion that the French make when they talk about food, delectable. Dinner was with a couple of friends that I hadn’t seen since they last visited New York. It was great to see them and be able to have a conversation with them even though for all purposes we hadn’t seen each other in a little over a year. And even then we never really talked talked.

But it was way the hell on the NorthSide took my like 4evaz to get there and back.

The next morning I took another trip to the Northside.

BUT FIRST

I walked to Wicker Park and went to a bookstore that was pretty great. Old and musty (just like I likes’em). Then headed up.

Yas and I got Vietnamese sammichez. For crazy cheap; three fitty for sammie!

Then we walked around boiztowne. Passed the bathouse and thought hey you! Wink wink wink…I’ve never went in it though…what? Me? Psshaw. Never…

Actually never.

Then we went to the Whole Foods where I eat a slice of pizza. Only 1 ½ hours after I had a sammich. Food and weight don’t matter on vacation just like money and alcohol. It’s a thing. You know the vacation warp. We trucked up back to the apt. Had a few beerz and made some cookies up in the bitch!

Chocolate chip and chocolate chip and cranberry. AAAAAwwww yeah.

Another productive day this time with culture on all fronts.

Full frontal

On this explicitly adult day I went with M. Scott and a painter friend of his to The Art Institute of Chicago Museum.

We went to the only worth while part of the museo according to my artbro friend, the modern wing.

The one piece that really got to me was the Felix Gonzalez-Torres candy piece.

The premise of the piece is that, there is a space that is designated with different candies; the weight of the candies equal to the weight of his lover that passed away due to AIDS (heavy I know). As the day passes observers are welcome to take the candies ultimately changing the weight, which is replenished each day.

It’s a bittersweet piece. The observer eating the candy is essentially consuming the artists lover and the lover is revitalized each day. On the flip-side each day the lover wastes away diminishing in weight as he did when the artist lost him. It’s sad and beautiful and inspiring.

It isn’t dreary or tragic but essentially, Gonzalez-Torres is paying homage to his lover’s passing and giving him continual life.

Ooooh this just turned into art motherfuckin’ hstry ya’llz

It was good.

Saw some other art fart that was good but that was the highlight for me.

On the other cultural side, I watched Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Surprise! I’ve never seen this movie.

Harrison Ford is hot.

That is all.

Beach day fun day.

Went to the gay beach, wore my slightly more modest bathing suit (it is the Midwest HELL-O), dipped into Lake Michigan and lay in the sun, as I am want to do.

And then for the main event. I had dinner with Theo and we went to THE HOPLEAF or heaven in my mouth. Nonsexy heaven. I had the CB&J sammich.

CASHEW BUTTER
FIG JAM
STETSON CHEESE
GRILLED

You heard me. (I, I just died in your arms tonight)

Obvioulsy delicious Belgian Beerz and then some wine to tap it all off.

Oh we saw a babay possum at the wine place after I had my sanish.

My God that was a good sandwich. It lived up to memory, which very few things can. The gooey cheese and the perfect ratio of jam to cashew butter…SO GOOD

UUUUUGHHH

Oops sorry bout that, let my just, wipe…this…up and we can continue.

Then I came home and watched Friday with Jax and we decided that Ice Cube was a hottie and we would smoke with him any day. WINK

Oh and I’ve been making a shit ton of blingeez.

I got my tourist on, on Thursday.

But first I had a delicious non-touristy brunch with Jax and Yas, at Lula Café. NOM NOM French toast and a bloody mary, no better way to start the day. amirite?

THEN I got my tourist on. I went to Millennium Park, took a picture of water fountain block things or whatever, the bean and the Frank Gehry auditorium. ALL ALONE

Frown

Pssh whatever who needs friends to share experiences and memories and special moments.

I sure…don’t.

This trip so far has been about reliving , revisting, re-eating, re-drinking (sure why not that makes sense, right? Sure!) my experience while I lived here a year or so ago in Chicago.

Today was about, I guess, new things…? I don’t know something about doing things that I’ve never done before in Chicago.

Like getting drunk and dancing, oh OOPS done that.

And my time here ends in a bangy whisper or something.

SUCK IT NERDS I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY.


Build your own Blingee

A plot of land

After my anXXXiety (<-sexy!) fit yesterday, I had a well rested night last night. OR SO I THOUGHT. I found my sleep briefly disturbed by a dream that I haven't had in a while.

I found myself back in the neighborhood I grew up in, but everything was slightly twisted sideways/inside out. It was like when you revisit a place that you knew really well but like half the buildings had been taken down and new ones had been erected (<-heh) that didn't seem to quite belong.

I was trying to figure out what exactly had happened to my picturesque nightmare of a home town, when I was being chased. Like prior times I've had this dreams I can never see the face of my pursuer. There is always a shadow or a fog that seems to cover his face. It's really fucking scary. So there I was, dream me running for my life, again.

When I reached that moment of dream realization (dreamization?) where I'm like oh a'duh you dreamin' stupid. Unlike the cool cool coolio dream manipulating things that you can do, like fly n' things, I couldn't do any of that shit.
All I could do is wonder why I couldn't wake myself up. I did manage to wake up once I was safely sheltered in my dream best friends dream house not to be confused with the horror show that is Barbies Dreamhouse of broken dreams and bloody corpses. I climbed through my dream friends attic window, which he doesn't have in real life, and I was safe.

Well safe for the moment since I knew that he would find me. It's been, what? Like 3-4 years since I've had this dream, so maybe he'll find me again, like nightmares on phlegmstreet, spo0o0o0ky! So I woke up pissed because I wasn't able to, you know kick some dream ass.

And that was that. And this is this:

M – This. This is why not no one likes you. I don’t like you, L can’t stand you, G only tolerates you because he’s known you the longest. It’s because you are an asshole. Not one of those rakish assholes, nope. Just an asshole.

C – Because I don’t spout platitudes? Because I know that things might not end up O.K. and choose not to delude myself into thinking that they will?

M – You think that you’re doing everyone such a great service.

C – Aren’t I?

M – You have no filter, you have no regard for anyone’s feelings, anyone's.

G has been sitting, drinking his beer. Continues to watch.

M – You just say thing that are incredibly…ugh…stupid-

C – Why? Why is it stupid? I don’t like to sugar coat things because what’s the point? Isn’t the truth what everyone wants to hear? No. Obviously, not. People want to feel special, unique, like they can conquer anything. Not true. The truth isn’t beautiful; it’s dirty and hard and will sit on your chest torturing you. Immovable.

M – Listen Cassandra, you aren’t the harbinger of truth. You are just a guy that says things to bring attention to himself because he thinks his pop psychology will somehow validate his awfulness.

oh baby!

So apparently I only write in this thing-a-ma-jing either the day of or the day after a run! I’m usually at work! Don’t tell the boss (who’s the boss?)

Whatever!

Patterns! Nature finds away!

Welcome to

*pause*pause*pause*

JURASSIC MCCARREN PARK

I don’t even know anymore? !

SO I had a capital “G” Great weekend that only involved slight damage to my body.

Friday rolled around and a nurse friend of mine’s boifrienz had a big gay ole birfday partay.

And let me tell you something, it was…something!

Well let’s just put it all out there. I first had a few drinkz with my friend and his boyfriend and then I had a few drinks at the bday party and THEN I found myself on the train going home.

So unless I entered into a Lynchian fugue state, which is something I’ve not entirely dismissed. For all I know, I could completely changed my face and started a whole new life that I (first person I) has no idea!

Which is basically kind of what happened when you drink, right? You talk to people you normally would just look on from a distance, creepily admiring his nice beard.

Or d-d-d-dancing like you limbs were made only to move to the beat! Or even slurring out some truth bombs; I love you, you smell, what’s your name again nvm I could care less! Where was I? Oh yes, I DIDN’T enter a fugue state (..?) I DID just end up home it was….disturbing.

N E way that happened! Maybe.

On Saturday OMGEEZ rolled into town! OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo child it was nice.

We went to Pete’s Candy Shop, andletmetellyou what, they do NOT serve candy there.

Iiiif youKnowWhatImean

They serve alcohol.

But they also served conversation! We talked about the heat mostly. It was nice and hot and sticky my favorite types of weather. Maybe it’s genetics or some kinda of cultural memory, but give me Hot and Humid over Dry and Hot any mofo day.

So will my Caucasian pallies were steaming I was enjoying a cool beer, wearing my tank top and shorts. Oh, well I guess dressing like a S L U T doesn’t hurt either!

OMGeez was awesome and we talked about oh you know; our ultimate arrival to fame and (mis)fortune, our star studded life in the fringes of society.

Laters, we went to a dance party at some clurb and it was a soul, funk, Motown themed night. And we twisted, mash-potatoed, shucked, jived until we could see straight.

That kind of music/dancing best suits the heat. You can slow it down or speed it up and it feels good sweating to the music or feeling someone else body against your.

I ended up entering the dance competish and I’m not trying to say that I won it buuuuut

I didn’t win it.

I did twist my “A” off and got in the finals ya’ll.

So that’s an accomplishment?

I did have some boy say “You are definitely are going to win”

And then my heart melted and I asked him out on a date and he said, “Yes! Yes of course! I dreamed that you would ask! Once I saw you dancing I knew that you should be mine!”

Of course

I didn’t say anything to him I just nodded and did…oh thanks gesture and went on my way.

So I got to dance and it was nice to move and sweat and be hot.

Then I walked home tired but happy.

Then on Sunday I had some BURRRRRRRRRRITOS with Aubz, LK and V.smith. It was good. We also bought some make up.

And generally acted like precocious 13 year olds. All a titter, but with more cursing and A LOT more sexually explicit.

Like A LOT.

I thought you'd

Well, It's Tuesday and I'm just now. YES! now! getting to write about what happened this weekend.

God, that's sounds like the prompt for a 3rd grade essay assignment.

Mrs. Teacher: OK class today were are going to break into groups and write about what we did last weekend.

3rd grader: Why are we splitting up into groups?

3rd grader #2: Yeah, When we all did different things?

Mrs. Teacher: Class who here went to The Ohio State University to get their degree in Art History?
And who was forced by their mother to change because the Arts are for girls that are talented and that you should stick to something average girls excel at, so why not teacher? "Why not that hun"?
And who here had a little too much wine one night and thought "surrre we don't have to use a condom Tommy, just, you know don't finish."
And who did not have any money to as your mother would say "go to Columbus" and "Take care of it?"
And are you stuck raising a child you didn't want, in a town you hate, working at a job that leaves you weeping in your bathroom after you were sick drinking too much wine, because Tommy always buys the cheap swill?
No. So get into you groups and write about your weekends.

3rd grade class:...
[insert: i google imaged this picture with "3rd grade teacher" isn't fun to think she is saying it?]



...So what I did on my weekend was actually really fun!
Friday some coworkerz and I went to get some drankz after werk.
So we went and got some mothafuckin mahgahrahtahs up in this bitch.
We had a nice little chat (Heidi Klum says that on Project Running with Scissors!) about things and things and liberal art things and sexual health stuff and queer activism miscellany and stuff we have the privilege to talk about. But we also talked about horoscopes! And that was nice.

Later we walked across the WilliamsBLURG bridge, (yeah I know, I know STFU life) but it was really nice in that highly romanticized young! new york! experience.
[insert: we didn't look like this]



Saturday was a blerk day.
So that was filled by a haze a sleepiness whilst (<----so english RITE??) I was guzzling down any caffeine drink I could wrap my grubby monkey paws around. But things took a decidedly upward swing when a good friend (from Chicago) came! We watched

The Runaways: The Dakota Fanning Tale of Sapphism, Drugs and Career (Re)Invention.
It was a cute pseudo-gritty pseudo-artsy all angsty story of Joan Jett (the girl from Twilight that always look like she rather be anywhere than where she is at the moment, then leave! be free! that's what I would tell her!) and Cherie Curry (Dakota motherfucking Fanning). Every time they were on screen, so basically for like 2 hrs (was it even 2? it's might been like 1 1/2 for all I know!) it was like oh you are so much more famous for playing with vampires and being a little girl.
AWKward. It was fun.

[insert: lesbionic cybertronic d-d-disco baby]


Then my friend, (oli!) and I got him some pants, went back to my place, then went to a PARTAY. IT'S A PARTY IN THE U.S.GAY. Yeah I went there.

Ironically it wasn't a gay party frownface.
It was fun. I was pleasantly surprised (re: peeing my pants a lil) to see my friend, (l.k.) whom I haven't seen in literally Fo Evz. So that was delightful.
But I was also glad that oli got along with the Oberliners that were throwing the party. Because, it's always tough to interact with people that are constantly making old joke and time specific references and then you end up just kinda standing there drinking until you just starting screaming and screaming and screaming for someone to get you out of there. only me? ok!
But oli was great and OBViously er'body was all like yo friend is awesome. Yes. and Duh.

Then we went back to mine and WINK.

Sunday was also a pleasant day. It was a HOLY-DAZE. Sunday was the day the Jesus was all like so over being dead, it wasn't even funny. And he was like you guys I'm totally back but Earth kinda sux too see ya! So DS7 and KreativeKrisis (emphasis on KRISIS!) went to a gay ole party and had gay ole drinks and talked about how gay we were (well some of us; others like to play pretend) So that was fun.




! yuuuuuuuuup!

bustin' out all over

It's been a crazy beautiful weekend beeotch.

It's been one of those weekends where it's a shame to be inside. So I've been not lazy enough to actually be outside and enjoy the weather! Instead of doing what I'm...doing...right/write now and chilling in the livin' roomz relaxin' on my blog.

So I'm chilling and relaxin' at the same time. I think I'll dub it chillaxin' and that friends is how werds are invented.

[insert: yup]

oh some other asshole invented that? Well that's NEWS TO ME. Nothin' new unda teh sunz. Accept for all the lithe hipsters venturing out in the sun.

Friday night I was all set for staying in and having a good night sleep.

PSYCH

A friend (I guess technically it's more of an acquaintance, since we only met 2 weeks before I moved from Chicago and hung out 1.5 times before I left, and not much talking happened IFFFF youknowwhatImean), was in town and he called (txt'd, whatever) me and asked to hangsies. So we did.

Major queer checklist were hit: Metropolitan and Sugarland. Yes, There are only two major standard checks in this part of town. Welcome. We ran into a mutual friend at metro. This friend of our has the remarkable gift to literally make friends with anyone. Anyone that has ever been born. No matter the disposition, he will be able to make friends with them. It's kind of amazing to watching it happen.

We (I) also saw ED DROSTE from Grizzly Bear™. It was kinda squee worthy. He's also a lot taller then I expected; handsomer too. So that was my Alt Celebrity Sighting™ of the week, ugh fine, of the year.

[insert: deep sea diver]


I got us lost on the way to Sugarland. How? I dunno when it's literally a 10 minute walk from Metro. I'm just an idiot i guess. There was a party going on so lots of queers (not just gay boiz) and dykes. It was awesome.

One of the go-go dancer lit her tassels on fire. ON FUCKING FIRE. Then she twirled them, oh how she twirled them. They were like comets orbiting the planet the were her breasts.
[insert: wheels on fire]


Oh, we ran into some friends of DS7. They tried to take us home with them (because they got kicked out of Sugz) and when we declined they called me fat and my friend a leprechaun.

[insert: Welcome to Brooklyn™.]

AN-E-WHEY

After we danced we ummmm left...sure we'll go with that.


Yesterdaze I went to Prospect Park. It takes about 40 minutes to get there via bus. It's a nice autobus ride. You pass through a Hasidic neighborhood. then a largely AfroCaribbean hoodz. While I was ridin the bus I was noticing how extremely cinematic this stupid city is. Everything; the buildings, the people, the layout everything. No matter there are so many moo-veez about new york.

I went to the park for a Queer Picnic. There was hummus, bread, cheese, fruit and wine for all. It was pretty queer. Many be-tattoed, tank top wearing, cut-off shorts having, big sun glasses rocking queers enjoying the sun.

Heaven.
[insert: prrrrrrrk]


Gave my friend a haircut after that.

Then went home and sleeeeept for like 12 hours. nice. Because I didn't get much sleep friday night. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK



see what i did there?

I'm currently watching John Tuck Must Die on FX™? while simultaneously watching the BBC special on mammels. David Attenborough(spelling?) can talk me to sleep any time. Put I don't want to see you. Get of my screen now plz thanks.

Penn Badgley is in J T must D, with a horrible haircut; disgusting and long.


I did laundry today. It's awesome and it's sitting on my bed, were it will remain for the foreseeable future. Unless I drunkenly put it away, which is a very real possibility.






happy sunday

flying a

It's that time again where I kinda just leave myself time enough to write whatever I want in this thing.

Oh, wait, I've confounded myself, I already do write whatever I want in this bucket o' shit that is my blizzy.

I awoke this morning to the sounds of belts hitting flesh, and I thought to myself, "ah, another Sunday morning." You don't see specials about THAT on CBS. Heh, imagine.

[insert; yeah...think about that]



After I steeled myself and metaphorically scrubbed out my ears with symbolic(?) bleach, I made some breakfast!

[insert: it didn't look like this]

Well it sorta looked like that, but the toast had jam! Jams I tells ya!

I started watching Archer the new cartoon on FX™. It's a total bro cartoon, but I can't help but find it fun/funny. This is only because I'm a sucker for cartoons talking abut fucking and saying bad words. This new sub genre of comedy that is part Arrested Development/Family Guy/It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia/something else with a more masculine feel to it, is still somewhat of a mystery to me. They are completely aware of, i guess i would say their offensiveness but that somehow seems wrong. It's like they are being satirical about being crude. I'm not sure they are being anti-pc, which can be a legitimate form of expression (only sometimes and if done well ie. Arrested Development and 30 Rock), but they are just kinda being so outlandishly crude and vulgar it becomes a commentary on why we find certain things vulgar. I'm not sure that makes sense.

Oh well, I did L-O-L at it. So that something.

I just took a lil nap listening to Jo-jo Newsy. It was good.

this wasn't a long as i thought it would be






that's what








no one said