Mickey is a stuck up whore that let Chase finger her in the church

Oh, welcome back True Blood, 4th of July weekend was not the same with out you.

Jason just how I like him, confused/scared/angry, all due to the prank is church bros played. Not funny dudes. Then he get's all Jesus-y. This is really only because that was the last thing he heard. He's kinda like a parrot or a puppy.
So parruppy got all war n' light n' vamps aren't funny guys seriously, and it made everybody uncomfortable, including him really, he's just too dumb (by choice? I dunno) to figure it out.

Back to Bill, being Mr. Mom and tryin' to stop Jessica from gettin' her swerve on with Hoyt. I thought Hoyty-toyty and J where super cute together and then realized she is like 17 and he's, what? 22-24? then I was a lil skeeved, then I thought, it's The South, so I'm back to it being cute. Plus she's dead, so evz. After Hoyt is adorable and leaves being a gentleman, because that's how he rolls, Bill once again get's all stern fathery to Jess, but she ain't buyin' it. Good for her. She can kiss all the boyz she wants, she's dead n' lovin it. Oh and I'm so happy that she still had her vampboner, and was a like giggle giggle giggle, this is probz how boys/Hoyt feels.

Sookie, shut up Sookie. you are likes those girls that nobody really likes but only hang out with b/c they have a hot sibling/boyfriend (or in Tara's case b/c they are less annoying than their alcoholic mother and hey you have a house! and a supah hot supah dumb bro!) and they eventually just become your friends. Initially they think your sad but pretty and are trying too hard. but that's just who you are. You try to be smart and cute and mature, when in reality you still have no idea how the real world works. I hate you.

Anyway they are planning a lovers getaway/mission to dallas. At least we know now how vamps travel. Night Coffins! So long to Dallas!

Hello naked Sam n' Daphne, the great thing about Bon Temps is that everyone can be naked all time. Just some quick exposition, exposing the audience to the fact that we know nothing of Sam's past other than he fucked some witch/mythical Greek thing when he was a puppy. Oh and he hates the citay. Oh and that Daphne wants his dong, and she is also probably a monster. I'm not sayin'...i'mjustsayin.

Speaking of monsters! Tara, the face contorting camera monster told Maryann the awesome sex drugs and dancing monster that she is leaving to live with Sookie the self-righteous monster. I guess if I was a more moral person I'd be happy, but I'm just kinda sad for Tara because she's giving up free rent, food etc etc to live with Sookie, ugh.

Back at the Light of Jesus will Kill all Vampires Super Happy Funtime Summer Camp, or whatever, Jason and the boys are talkin' bout vampires. Lazarus, Jesus (drink my blood it'll give you super powers!) and Cain, all possible/plausible(?) vampires. And Lukez becuase he is scared of women, after the one time a girl was a lil disappointed over his size, and that other time he just couldn't because he was "too drunk," blames all evil on Eve. Jason, in a brief moment of intelligence calls him a dick. And he is; Luke. Is. A. Dick.

And then Pastor Newlin called Jason outside so he could show Jason his cock, I mean gun. His gun. Then they go around being manly and not all homoerotic, shootin' lil cut-out vamps. Ah, there is the rub; killin vamps, talkin bout bullets of silver and wood. Pastor Newlin totally got a bonerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr when Jason talked about Eddy dying. When Jason, Pastor and Mrs. Pastor/Sara, all have a lil BBQ, Jason has a beautiful /gratuitous montage about Sara bein' all sexy n slutty, it put Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" to shame. And then they gorge on meat. SRSLY JUST HAVE A THREESOME.
After some bating by Luke, sayin' that Jason is just a sex toy for them, after they invited Jason to live in the Newlin Residence, Jason was all like psssh naw, but secretly thinking "I'm gonna bang a preacher wife" but then he get's all confused because he likes Sara as "pure"

Speaking of threesomes! Actually nothing, transitions are hard! It's Tara's birthday and guess who isn't there, Sookie, Tara's bes'frien' in the whole wide world. So Tara is crying on her birthday, like we all do, right? right??...? I mean no not me ever...what? And right on que enter the super fun orgy gang! complete with cake! Tara says fuckit, let's party. As anyone that's always had a miserable b-day and is all alone would say. Let's get drunk and dance.

Oh and in case you forgot Miss. fakewitch got her heart ripped out. juuuust in case you forgot, it was also probz maryann, nice scene placement. Andy is drunk n' talkin bout pigs. What a crazy!

At Merlottes, er'body bored. And again like most people get when they're bored, let's get drunk n dance (right? only me? ok!)! Daphne is givin' ole Sammy-pup the google-sex eye. To which I and, Thank G, Arlene both go "psssssh pur-lease." I fell in love with the red-headed murder marryin'(almost!) vixen. Tara's sad mom gives a a gifty to Sam to give to Tara. What a great excuse for a prude to go to a orgy, I mean party party.

Then it's the partay! Or how Tara got her groove back. Get her groove back indeed. So, did everyone, even Sam! annnnd oh snap! Daphne know's he has an all too spesh connection with dogs. Then they all start fucking basically. With bodies, with cake, with booze, with dirt, with fists, what a great eyes turning black party!

In Dallas, Sookie is annoying drunk as she is sober, you ain't an adorable drunk sooks you are inane. Then they capture a would be kidnapper. And Bill takes of the training wheels and let's Jessica glamour him. That's what's great about having like a character like Jessica, you get to see the mechanics about the mythology of vampires in this reality. As she learns; we learn. Plus Jessica is awesome. While Bill and Sookie are at the Hotel, being all couply and dumb, Jessica is just playin with her human/doll, like any slightly emotionally stinted anybody would do. Plus Mickey was probz a totez whore. And Bill n Sookie go to there room but at least Eric interrupted them before we had to deal with another gross sex scene.
Eric and Bill talk about v-politics and wtf are they gonna do if hu-mans can take such an old badass vampyre like Godriv? They dunno!

Jessica then orders some man-meat. Sookie is part scandalized, part wishing she could be that ballzy and awesome. Now the writers think that Sookie needs more plotine! The waitstaff(is bellboy offensive? bellhop?) that delivered said man meat, is also telepathic! Sookie runs after him like a lil girl that just found a brand new toy.

I haven't written about Lafayette. Blerg, Lafayette has to deal with some serious psychological shit. But Eric came with some vampire blood and everything is a'o-kay!(??) We went from post dramatic stress to hump dancing a couch!

Oh and Maryann is some kinda minotaur thing?

just one of those

So i tried my first hand at recaping an episode of a teebee show and i'ma try to do it again. Because, well, that's how i roll...or something. eh?

[insert show's i'ma start out with]


Are these poster sexist? If i didn't create them but am still posting them sexist? what if i'm a feminist? IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING.

eh? eh???? ok

as long as we're still on the same page.

Previously On

Weeds, is one of those shows that slowly drags you in like quicksand or the prospect of meeting an old boy/girlfriend. Much as you struggle to escape it's easier to just slowly get pulled in. Right?

Right.

Nancy and Andy are waiting in waiting room, it's seems as if the past four episodes have been Nancy and Andy waiting in a waiting room. Waiting for love, for escape, for death, for Godot. While, Nancy get's all uppity white privileged lady (nitrates! heaven forbid!) on a some grrl about to get hovered (thank you Andy), Andy is doing what Andy does best being a payaso...science. Yet, in his inner/outer monoramblings the seeds of ill-fated plan come to bloom.

Nancy finally get's some lady2lady time with Alanis Morrisette, I mean her gyno. Alanis does a really good job in this lil' scene. It wasn't all....I'm alanis morissette.....look at me, tryin' to act. It was oh I'm an gyno, i like pancakes, you can trust me. And trust Nancy needs some laday frienz, even if she has to pay to get them. Nancy leaves feeling somewhat rejuvinated in that not at all kinda way, finding her salvation (at least olfactory) in herbs. While Andy, like most clown/jester, will seemingly spouting nonsense is trying to give her some semblance of wisdom, abort the gopher and head to Copenhagen. (I have a friend whose mom is from Denmark, and i would head to Copenhagen in a second. Skoll! or however you spell that) But like a good and scared mommy she is, she'll stick to the herbs. Gophers be damned!

Shane and Isabelle, are doing what teens/tweens(?) do best, getting angry at the world and fucking shit up. Srsly, we've all been there, am I right? That's why it's so embarrassing to watch/enjoyable to watch since at least Shane as some real issues; dead dad, drug dealing mom, mexican mafia, some asshole ginger jacked his weeds; check, check and double check. But luckily(?) he has a Ignacio, the foxy, in a dangerous crazy way, bodyguard. Not to be all creepster on ya'll but Ignacio is kinda hot? Whatever he has a charming smile. Even when (especially when?) he's shooting that gun freakin' er'body out and givin the kids hope for justice. Old school eye for an eye justice that tweens love.

Meanwhile in the batcave, Nancy finds the Joker, I mean Celia hiding between the manure and the Coldspot. That's where I left her! As Nancy freaks out and Celia begs and threatens in that self-depricating/aggressive way, you know how she do. Nancy out of the goodness of her heart(maybe it's the Mexican baby growing insider her)/not needing to deal with this shit, let's her stay. But soon our Celia, our precious Celia, soon discovers DEAD MEXICAN. I always knew that Celia was a big ole racist, but it's still endearing? And to be completely truthful this show has done nothing to dispell any mexican stereotypes. (I'm pulling for Ignacio to do that, fingers crossed!) Nancy lickity-split rings up daddy mexi-bucks(it' not racist if i'm latino, right?...right?) aka Esteban. To handle it.

Handling their own bizznazz is Botwen and Hodes, (I smell spinoff! a la Laverne and Shirley but with drugs and ass-kicking). They bust in on Ginger being incredibly lame playing his theremin along to smooth jazz, something he undoubtedly does every Tuesday after he get's stoned, Wednesday and Thursday is reserved So You Think You Can Dance, (the costumes the music! what's not to love, right?) After some quips by Ginger and bravado from Botwen/Hodes, enter Ignacio with a powerful kidney punch, (so hawt rite?), and Ginger is down! Botwen/Hodes give teach. a lil lesson of there own, where they humilate him, steal his shit (zune! that's how lame he is, a fucking zune.), and kill his bird (heh). Pobresito Ignacio was visibly shaken, (so adorable).

Visibly shaken, as anyone should be when going on a date with crazy in order to get your hands on money that isn't yours was Andy. El payaso, has found himself in a role playing date. With a Mage. This sad women only has one dream one fantasy; fucking Judah. Fucking Judah forever and ever, well at least in between WOW. One get's the feeling that she thinks that if Judah stayed with her she'd be able to cope with the real world. Sorry sweety, once a gaming nerd always a gaming nerd (ain't nothing wrong with it). Mage, having spent most her time in an imaginary world finally gets the chance to live out a real life imaginary scenario! Does that make sense? sure! Getting to fuck Judah one more time, even if it is only with his gay brother. But her imagination/lunacy being strong enough, she was even able to make a hobo ridden pier (complete with shitting, crotch scratching, coughing possible vomiting) the perfect "lovemaking" spot. Andy visibly gagging, thinking about copenhagen, nancy, and probably the fact the "fuck judah, he's dead and look at me! I'm taking care of this family/nancy," goes through with it.

Back at chez Botwen, everything Nancy holds dear is falling apart. Botwen, Hodes and 'Nacio are enjoying the fruit of their labor. Nancy, peeved and wide-eyed, as she will, said something something right and wrong, (seriously? srsly.), Ignacio bless his him kinda put her in her place, not in a misogynistic way but in the, I'm going to tell you the truth b/c you've been lying to yourself long enough kinda way. Shane was happy, Nancy was pissed and Isabelle was just grateful to be with a family that wasn't hers. Nancy dragged Shane to give the shit back to Ginger. Then Nancy goes all bad-ass when Ging' tries to give her son an F. (An F? that could keep him from getting to a good school!) Anyway Nancy, finally having power over someone weaker and more vulnerable, relishes the moment and does some great baseball bat choking and wisdom giving. How she misses season 1! then peaces.

Having returned home Nancy finds Celia happy as a clam, with her blackmailing photos of Sucio being decomposed with acid in Nancy's garage. Check and mate you cunt! Celia thought. I'll get my Ikea! And with that Nancy is stuck with Celia and her toxicity, (where's alanis, nancy is thinking where is my layday frien). More bad news. All her herbs n shit are dead. Yes, Nancy no matter how hard you try Renmar is poison. Good thing you moved there! Andy on the other hand is trying to forget the dirty dirty dirty things that he was forced to do and remember that it was all for Nancy, (it's all for you Damien, all for you). His finally plea, go go go! Van Nuys Copenhagen anywhere. Nancy is too self-involved Armegedon on me! Thank G, Andy finally finally told her it's you, you do this. And Nancy shuts down. Andy once more pleas, break it off with Esteban, a note, a letter and Ambien, all things that will buy them time. But Nancy in her world already has another plan. Goodbye Andy, your crazy fucking and viewing of hobo diarrhea was all for naught. Sucks to be you.

So Nancy and Shane are off to join Esteban. Andy are Celia are now living in house together. Fuck.

Oh and Silas an Doug had their own plot line. The only thing that matters is that Doug is like a Shakespearean clown that continues to fuck everyone over and poor Silas has the (un)fortunate luck of being blonde. But they have a cute moment, after Doug screwed things with the pot agent, (samuri's had to be brought in) where Silas punched Doug in the face! (flashes of momma) then they have a good cry. Because well Doug is a replacement for Judah and Silas is a replacement for Josh. So hopefully their plot will get less boring.

The End.

Feliz Quatro de Julio

Like any red-blooded 'merican, i spent the 4th of July hanging with my frienz on the roof bbqin'and drankin' beerz.

This is literally what being an American is. It's written in the Declaration of Independence (this Declaration of Independence was written by me when i was sitting my livin room all alone...b/c i have no friends, well no friends other than the crew of the uss starship voyager)

I digress!

I went over to lady gabgab's apty and grilled and conversed and drank and laughed and watched fireworks and danced and danced until everything become swirls of light and sound; direction became meaningless, the music, conversation and firework booms, a cacophony of sound that were melded together, creating the illusion that this is what it means to be young and carefree.

or

we listened to journey and talked about the merits of mariah carey and corn husking.

Either one sounds good to me, no?

I've gotten to know lady gabgab's roomie solidgolid better and that grrrl is fun. I also like that at this party there were plenty of Latinos.

Subsequently, i feel more comfortable using more spanish saying and embrace some of my latino-ism (is that a thing?) in conversation.

So that was fun and liberating, everything america is about. And now once again i'm in my livin' room and it's hot out, most likely it's cooler outside than in here but i'm a lazy lazy creature, written in my blizzy (blog) and thinkin' 'bout how totes awesome 'merica is.

eh?

oh and here's this:



best.

I will see you e.ven.tualyyyyy!

So yesterday my apartmentmates (apartmates? that kinda sounds like primates)

N E WAYZ

my monkeymates and I had a v. productive day yesterday of going to Prospect P. and watching youtube videos.
and no NOT at the same time, if that's what you're thinkin',(well actually we might have watched part of a youtube video but, whatever you don't know me/us)

after Kreative Krisis and I were done mackin' on all the kyute boizzzzz at the park we decided to head back to the apt. That is when the real fun happened. j/k we didn't have fun. J/K ya'll we did have fun, we just didn't mack boiz.

back at the ole steam room that is our apartment K.K. and I started the youtube adventure that began with whitney houston and mariah carey and the under appreciated When you Believe



There are certain moments in the video where you can tell these two bitches hate each other. like H8. srsly, it's fun to watch their pained nice/smiley faces.

We also watched all the most memorable musical moments (alliteration! squee!) of the movies Sister Act and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit and we found out that one of the kids, the one that sang oh happy dizzay, was in the group City High that sang this song:


Try to see if you can spot Kendra from season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! hint! she's a stripper/momma.

This was only a few highlights. We also heard the Finnish version of the Ducktails song, a Russian Rap in a commercial to join the Russian Paratroopers, bananaphone cartoon, be prepared from the Lion King in german.
I'm not sayin' you should youtube these videos, but you should youtube these videos

Ok, full-disclosure? (besides that I had to google check how to spell disclosure)
I still remember all the words to When you Believe no only all the words but also all the lil trills/runs/vocal acrobatics that BOTH Whitney and Mariah did.


oh and also John Malkovich and Hugh Laurie are in Annie Lennox's video to Walkin' on Broken Glass

Don't believe TAKE A LOOK FOR YOUR SELF

srsly.

Long live the king

R.I.P M.J

The king of pop is dead




[insert pun]


get it? eh? eh.....?


But srsly, no matter how much of a creepster M.J. turned into, ya'llz can't deny the contributions that he's made to the musak n kulter scene. i mean the 80'zzzzz helllloooo!

hello.



So who is the new King?

Timberlake? Will there be a coranation?

ef that.....he can cry me a river!(get it?) i should really stop.

R.I.P. Farrah

You were more than hair to me.






R.I.P. Ya'll

R
I
P

C'est la vie

So for the past whatever i've been feelin' whatever.
[insert whatever don't talk to me]

But now i'm feeling whatever! and hopefully that'll last for whatever
[insert whatever please talk to me!]


what a great way to start livin' in a new citay, being sick. but you know what? now that i feel better i can start working on my life to make sure it doesn't suck. I mean i got a job in chikago i can get a job in new york right?

right??

....right.....?
[insert not a again]



on the plus side i have been hanging out with friends that i haven't seen in like a year.

one. whole. year. some for two years. two. whole. years.

i almost wrote hole years (heh hole)

I've been doing things like having dinners and going to parks and going on roofs.
roofs! i'm so urban! eh? also eating ribs. and mac n cheese and potato salad and sushi and lamb and chips and NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
but the only time i eat is when i'm wit friends other than that i can't afford to eat. so there's that.

well something will happen. because i guess it has to?

here's this



do you remember the secret world of alex mack? i do. i rly rly do.