Elle-
Good you made it! Good, great.
This is great.
This...this, well I can't begin to tell you how important this is going to...how necessary, but that can wait.
I'm just glad you made it.
Early!
It's brutal out there, the elements and...everything. But, yes good you came!
Prepared. I see that; yes very much prepared.
I was always taught it was crucial to be prepared.
For anything. Well at least somethings.
In a perfect world I was supposed to be prepared for everything.
But who can do that? Do you know how much everything is?
It's a lot. By definition it is a lot.
No, yes, at my best I was prepared for somethings.
At my worst, I was prepared for the minimal catastrophe, the minimal disturbance, the minimal problems, the scrapes, bruises but not the uncontrollable, not the torrents that would come raining down.
But yes! You two. Very much in the opposite camp as myself.
Tea? Coffee? Sit.
While still, early.
You really should have some tea or coffee.
It's brutal out there.
Yes tea or coffee would be best.
and sit.
Sit.
Preparation. Yes.
I remember my mother would teach me the art of preparation.
Trust me it is an art.
But look at me preaching to the choir as they say.
An art, meticulous. Constant training and relearning.
But with an intuition of course. Sparks.
Revelations.
In all things.
Let me get you more.
It's something that you can't forget, no, forgetting is the worse kind of sacrilege.
I still remember being wrapped up; tight to the point of suffocation. Thick itch wool biting at my neck. Trading one redness and pain for another.
Arms restrained, bound severe and perpendicular to my body.
But it was good, it worth it.
Like all things that are difficult. worth it.
In the end.
Resilience, strength.
But I'm sure you two know all about that.
You made it here for christsake.
Sugar? milk
Is it too hot?
Not for the weak willed.
Drink up.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
el aire que respira
Jay - We're headed the right way...? Right?
Kay - ...Yes...probably...definitely.
Jay - What makes you say probably?
Kay - We're fine.
Jay - You just/
Kay - /I know what you're gonna say "You sounded so hesitant" "you waited to long to respond"
Jay - Yes and Yes
Kay - I said I would get us there and that's what I'm doing.
Jay - With your incredible sense of direction
Kay - I don't see you helping.
Jay - Constructive criticism/
Kay - /Is not a real form of helping. Plus! it's not what you're doing.
Jay - Don't tell me what I'm doing.
Kay - I'm telling you what you're NOT doing. Difference.
Jay - Ha! Semantics!
Kay - God! What are you doing to help?
Jay - ...Conversation?
Kay - Argument is not conversation.
Jay - Yeah sure it's not
Kay - What would stop me from leaving you here? You don't know where we are...
Jay - Shut up neither do you...that's why we stopped/
Kay - ONLY a vague idea where we're going/
Jay - Please! You don't know any better than I do
beat
Jay - Are we headed the right way?
Kay - Oh, I'll get us there. Even I have to murder and drag your body 100 miles/
Jay - Seriously that far?/
Kay - JUST so you'll stop asking if we're headed the right way.
Jay - You wouldn't be able to carry this much weight.
Kay - What're you; a buck 70? 80?
Jay - Thanks Paul Bunyun. There's a difference between dead weight and non-dead weight
Kay - Undead weight.
Jay - Night of the living, day of the. dawn of the, all movies about heavy think moving bodies
barreling towards you with no escape in sight.
Kay - Their arms, legs, their whatevers would break so easily.
Jay - Rot, decay. Time.
Kay - Solution. I'll wait a few days; brush away the maggots, worm etc. and then we'll see who's
carrying who.
Jay - Whom
Kay - ....fine....
Jay - So you're saying that it would take a few days?
Kay - Yeah, you know, to make sure enough is eaten away.
Jay - Or to get there, I mean if it's going to take a few days,
I mean if you have the time, I mean need the time to wait...
Kay - The soft tissue would go first. I guess the eyes, the fat
Jay - Because you said you knew how to get there.
Kay - And enough would fall away from the tougher, resilient, annoying stuff
Jay - And we've been walking for a while
Kay - Then just give a good ole heave
Jay - So you/
Kay - Jesus. We're here.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Boink-Boink in the Oink-Oink
After a rocky start, everything seems to be coming together. Yes, after the trains, the walking, the bus, things are starting to look up.
It's the holidaze. Well it's one particular holiday!
THANKSGIVING
pssh spanksgiving.
And we're all up in Upstate's snatch and it smells good (ughhh gross)!
Now any other liberal would take this space and talk about, indigenous genocide and stolen lands and misappropriation of history etc...
But not here, not now because, while all those things are true and are even more important to talk about; it's annoying.
Espesh if it's done stuffily (stuffingly?).
What I'm talkin' 'bout is delicious food in large quantities and fresh air and drinking at like 12 noon and walking up the next day at about 11!
It's about being with people that love you and that you love and being able to escape the city and walk around in the dark without seeing the constant lights from buildings and street lamps, only seeing the occasional car's headlights disappear, it's red back end winking out of existence.
It also about feeling a little bit of that loneliness that comes when you remember past holiday's and thinking about the people that you once spent them with and the next time you'll see them.
It's also about obscenely stuffing your face with as much Glazed Ham as humanly possible. I almost wrote Glazed Hamm which would also be delicious in amore erotic kinda way; possibly (definitely) stickier.
At the end of my second heaping helping (ole school 'lliteration) o'ham/garlic mashed potatoes/cranberries sauce/biscuits, I swore off of food.
Until the coffee/pumpkin cheesecake/walnut cookies came out.
GAME ON my friends
GAME ON.
And this left use around 7 in the evening which lead to much beer and wine and cognac with much playing of card games!
Rummy!
Who a new a game that's almost essentially for old white ladies would be somemuchfun?
Well maybe not so surprising since THANKSGIVING is a holiday essentially celebrating old white people! (<----- political!)
Then a nice little walk near some woods, where if we had somehow stubbled into a scary movie I would most certainly be the first to die. Not because I'm a double minority but because I'm a slutty double minority. I was excited and I ran to the cemetery, grabbed Mr. 6'4'' and started getting my mack on.
This would be the point on the story, when I would stop and say, "What did you here that?" (which I did say)
Mr. 6'4'' "wonkster stop playing around"
"no seriously, wait here" (which I did say)
I would walk up the hill closer to woods, flashlight in hand, leaving Mr. 6'4'' behind no flashlight but safer near the road. I would turn back flashlight point at Mr. 6'4''. All of a sudden there would be a rustle and a rush my light would go out, the sound of tearing flesh whether by instrument, teeth or claws (depending on the genre) would be heard, I would be dead and Mr. 6'4'' would be left alone to run back to the house and see how the rest would play out.
But it didn't happen that way.
BECAUSE IT'S THANKSGIVING
duh
Thursday, November 11, 2010
ch-ch-ch-changes
I've made some changes to this piece of shit.
It looks pretty kewl right?
look! It's El Guincho! Look! It's NSFW
(for a whoooooole bunch a titties)
It's kinda misogynist but it looks cools so it's a'ight right?
PS I CHANGED THE LAYOUT
?
look it's Yelle!
It looks pretty kewl right?
look! It's El Guincho! Look! It's NSFW
(for a whoooooole bunch a titties)
It's kinda misogynist but it looks cools so it's a'ight right?
PS I CHANGED THE LAYOUT
?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
yeah but yeah but why
I most (what is 1, 2?) people that ready this blog know, I like to make loud and proud proclamations (<---- that took me like 4 times to get the right spelling...i also had to use spell check...) about what I'm doing and blah blah.
I j-j-joined a gym. For the low low price of $75 you too can join your local NEW YORK CITY gym. Well state run Y...but but the one near me has a nice pool. so ey'body can suck it.
suck it hard
suck it long and hard
...ummmm this isn't that type o'blog pervert.
So yes, your truly has joined a gy-um no matter how, to use a classist and apparently kinda racist term, "podunk" it still counts. Pretty soon I'll be...all...I can't even think of an adjective of what my body will look like because unless I get a personality transplant, my xxxercise will be inconsistent at best.
I have started drinking more water, so that's something.
I have started thinking about starting eat better. So, while I'll still eat a burger and sweet potato fries, I'll feel bad about eating that meal. Sorta.
sorta.
but only a little...
I j-j-joined a gym. For the low low price of $75 you too can join your local NEW YORK CITY gym. Well state run Y...but but the one near me has a nice pool. so ey'body can suck it.
suck it hard
suck it long and hard
...ummmm this isn't that type o'blog pervert.
So yes, your truly has joined a gy-um no matter how, to use a classist and apparently kinda racist term, "podunk" it still counts. Pretty soon I'll be...all...I can't even think of an adjective of what my body will look like because unless I get a personality transplant, my xxxercise will be inconsistent at best.
I have started drinking more water, so that's something.
I have started thinking about starting eat better. So, while I'll still eat a burger and sweet potato fries, I'll feel bad about eating that meal. Sorta.
sorta.
but only a little...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
halloweenie
I was watching my friend move across the dance floor.
She was dosed in blood from head to toe; her hair in ridiculous braids on either side of her much too old head. Wearing only a white slip, which I suppose in the same situation would be deemed sexy but in this particular scene was empty and cold. Her face was blank as she passed me by. Once I got her attention she turned to me, her face more sullen and vast and sad then I have ever seen it. "Have you seen my friend Marco and my friend Caitlen," both of whom I have meet before. She was looking at me like a stranger, which I guess we had become. At that moment she seemed so far removed from reality that she was like a ghost to me. She was the reminder of all the times I was endlessly searching for someone. Half dead or Half drunk and it made me...it made me...it made me something I've neither the vocabulary or the emotional depth to understand. So I left. In the arms of someone I love. In the arms of someone that I have found through my half drunk half dead search.
and I guess this bloody spectre with disco lights behind her and pulsating bass around her will stop being a symbol.
for both our sakes.
She was dosed in blood from head to toe; her hair in ridiculous braids on either side of her much too old head. Wearing only a white slip, which I suppose in the same situation would be deemed sexy but in this particular scene was empty and cold. Her face was blank as she passed me by. Once I got her attention she turned to me, her face more sullen and vast and sad then I have ever seen it. "Have you seen my friend Marco and my friend Caitlen," both of whom I have meet before. She was looking at me like a stranger, which I guess we had become. At that moment she seemed so far removed from reality that she was like a ghost to me. She was the reminder of all the times I was endlessly searching for someone. Half dead or Half drunk and it made me...it made me...it made me something I've neither the vocabulary or the emotional depth to understand. So I left. In the arms of someone I love. In the arms of someone that I have found through my half drunk half dead search.
and I guess this bloody spectre with disco lights behind her and pulsating bass around her will stop being a symbol.
for both our sakes.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Dammit
So I've stopped the progress (comma lack of?) on my plizzy. <-----wait, that sound too much like piss, or not enough. I should probably "go there" more. Play, I mean play!
My lack (I almost typed lake) of progress is mostly due to 1 thing.
I'm super super super super, like super duper, lazy...and horribly crippled by my own feelins' of inadequacy.
Hell ya inadequates! Put ya hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care that you don't wave them as well as other people. Who are they to judge? You know? Maybe you just wave your hands different? Because I mean, come on, if eeeeeeeeverybody waved them the same then, then, then, ummm...oh, you were clapping? Well that's just...embarrassing. Put your hands down, just...put. them. down.
Or or or, no listen, or, that I really had no concrete idear of what my jam was gonna be about.
It was going to be something about something. If that isn't concrete than I'm certain I don't understand what the word concrete means!
But for realsies you guys? Now that I'm starting to think about this play thing more? I actually wasn't really going for it. I was thinking in these kinda abstract (expressionist) ways. I was getting ahead of myself. I was going right to the abstract with out getting my stract on. You know?
Boy has Wife; Boy has Girlfriend; Boy has Best-friend.
Boy has crippling disease that is slowly breaking down all his facilities to act like boy has normal life. Boy will go to any length to stop it.
Maybe boy just needs to fucking sleep.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
and I'll blog if I want to
It's my birthday
just in case you didn't know. just in case you failed to notice. just in case you couldn't take off of your busy schedule. Because it always you you you isn't it? and this one day, this time, where it might just be about me, you don't remember. It doesn't even cross your mind. I didn't even ask for much. I didn't even ask you to do anything above and beyond what would be considered just...just something that anyone would be more than happy to do. Or at least fake it for one day at least.
What do you do that so important? Just make up stories all day. Stories that don't even make fucking sense.
One day a little boy was walking by a field. A field that he had been to many times. Each time the boy would study the field learning it's landscape it's texture; the smells, everything seemed empty, dirty. The boy was fond of the pool of water that was near the field. The pool of water wasn't something that you would call nice or pretty or even pleasant. The water in the pool was shallow and stagnant, teeming with unknowable things. It buzzed and hummed but there was no movement in or around it. No swarm of flies or mosquitoes or whatever common thing that was found elsewhere was found here. The little boy one day gathered as much courage and strength that he could find. Walked to the pool pulled out his gun. He was together with the pool. But the boy did not become a part of it, no, the outside infected him. Yes, there it he was mingling with the pool; oil in water. Not all of it, not even much it; the rest his body, his skull and bones and guts, belonged to the flies and all the base things he was so desperate to be separated from. But, of course, the boy knew none of this, all that was reflected in his eyes was the pool with it's murky water and his blood finally joining the shore.
happy birthday, I mean happy halloween, I mean, I mean
happy birthday, I mean happy halloween, I mean, I mean
Sunday, October 17, 2010
here again
It's been a while (A MONTH! {actually a month and a week!}) since i've written in here!
I've dusted the corners free of the cobwebs (halloweEeEn), all pearly and irridescent that have blossomed with lack of activity. Hacked away the ivy that has run wild making my blog it's home.
My blog!
My blog!
My blog!
See? Different emphasis! Different! emphasis! That means I care! Or that I simple don't know how to say sentences in order for them to make sense.
(it's been a while) <--- that was supposed to be said in a Southern Accent™.
iyt's bin ah y-ahwl (better!)
So the spookiest of all months is upon us. Slowly but surely the leaves are dropping, the weather is changing , the cardigans are pulled on everything everything everything is starting to go to sleep and will soon wake up as ZOMBIES!
\I was loosing you there, I could tell.
I went to a haunted haus or as a mr. dennis cooper calls it a SPO0O0OKY House (extra O0O0 mine) with the ole bouyfrienz. Yes you heard it here first, if i've never met you in real life, and our only form of communication is this is blog. If there is sucha person(s?) out there, hello!
The haus was called Blood Manor™ it was spooky and more than a lil cooky and it made me want a hot dog, well corn dog rul bad.
But where was I? Oh yes! It's OCTOBER.
which means my motherfuckin' birthday.
me
me
me
me
Amirite
As a gift I promise to post more!
you're welcome?
Friday, September 10, 2010
I can't explain
So the Wiikend is upon us.
I use the royal "us" curz this weekendz isn't upon me.
What is upon me is tomorrow I have to work (YOU BETTA WERQUE). I will once again haul my half dead/half drunk carcass out of my womb-room; off my Ikea bed (60 dollaz ya'll), make like a tree and slowly wilt away and die, my leaves falling off as the briskness of fall seeps into my trunk AND GO TO WORK.
If that made any sense to anyone they need to get their noggin' noodled with.
I've basically been looking at gif's of the Jersey Shore™ all day. So I'm keep this lil jolly open and we'll see where the non-weekend weekend takes us? a'ight?
a'ight.
So after work, on Friday, i got my fettucini alfredo on (I almost typed fattucini alfredo SAME).
I ate an entire thing of that last night.
It was probably meant for two people but since my boifrienz is off jet setting to LA with his white thigh high go-go boots and micro-mini (that's the image i get whenever I use the term "jet-setting" which is why I use the term so much), with his sister.
TWIN sister fyi
(it's nothing like this....or is it?...it's not.)
I use the royal "us" curz this weekendz isn't upon me.
What is upon me is tomorrow I have to work (YOU BETTA WERQUE). I will once again haul my half dead/half drunk carcass out of my womb-room; off my Ikea bed (60 dollaz ya'll), make like a tree and slowly wilt away and die, my leaves falling off as the briskness of fall seeps into my trunk AND GO TO WORK.
If that made any sense to anyone they need to get their noggin' noodled with.
I've basically been looking at gif's of the Jersey Shore™ all day. So I'm keep this lil jolly open and we'll see where the non-weekend weekend takes us? a'ight?
a'ight.
So after work, on Friday, i got my fettucini alfredo on (I almost typed fattucini alfredo SAME).
I ate an entire thing of that last night.
It was probably meant for two people but since my boifrienz is off jet setting to LA with his white thigh high go-go boots and micro-mini (that's the image i get whenever I use the term "jet-setting" which is why I use the term so much), with his sister.
TWIN sister fyi
(it's nothing like this....or is it?...it's not.)
Saturday came and gone and you blinked and it was still there but you turn your head for a moment, for a moment, then it leaves you, with your book in your hands and without a word to say.
I had a nice dinner wit my sista.
Well, I ate dinner I had two big ass slices of my moms lasagna.
OK listen:
1.) my moms lasagna is the shit
2.) there is no number two because there is no need.
It tasted exactly like I remembered it, which is saying something since it had been, oh about 6 years or so since I've last eaten it.
AND GURRRRRRL IT WAS GOOOOD
it was very good. My mother, is a wonderful cook.
After some pleasant conversation I went home.
And presently I'm watching Jersey Shore™
I will be watching Jersey Shore™ all day. Don't judge me.
Not after what I saw you do that one time at that one thing. Don't think I don't remember.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
even though
Sometimes, many times, well most of of time; no no no, mostly some of the time, you start to feel kind of, just, yuuuech. You know?
It's all those new things swirling around. unending.That's not right. What a waste. Shown, I guess, what you thought you had or didn't have or have never had being shoved in your face.
Good
I'm glad we got all that out of the way. It's right and it's normal and you feel like an asshole for fucking it up. Because, you don't know how to not be a jerk. So you don't and you try and you hope it's enough and if it isn't enough, well, you'll keep trying because that's the only thing you can do.
That's what it is.
Did anyone notice that I didn't say one thing in this blerg post.
not
one
damn
thing
image via : Buzzfeed
It's all those new things swirling around. unending.That's not right. What a waste. Shown, I guess, what you thought you had or didn't have or have never had being shoved in your face.
Good
I'm glad we got all that out of the way. It's right and it's normal and you feel like an asshole for fucking it up. Because, you don't know how to not be a jerk. So you don't and you try and you hope it's enough and if it isn't enough, well, you'll keep trying because that's the only thing you can do.
That's what it is.
Did anyone notice that I didn't say one thing in this blerg post.
not
one
damn
thing
image via : Buzzfeed
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I love you from the
It's September steps away from the official beginning of Fall and it's
HOT
AS
BALLS outsides
Which is why I'm inside. Well not only the reason I'm inside I'm also inside because I need to be makin' that monAY. Because unlike vacation life when you can ignore money and eating and drinking and other forms of general irresponsibility, real life you deal with bills and rent and metro cards and groceries and I only have 10 dollars until Thursday.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels...?....?
No, food tastes good; great, even!
Life has been weird and new full of new and weird moments
Good
HOT
AS
BALLS outsides
Which is why I'm inside. Well not only the reason I'm inside I'm also inside because I need to be makin' that monAY. Because unlike vacation life when you can ignore money and eating and drinking and other forms of general irresponsibility, real life you deal with bills and rent and metro cards and groceries and I only have 10 dollars until Thursday.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels...?....?
No, food tastes good; great, even!
Life has been weird and new full of new and weird moments
Good
Saturday, August 28, 2010
in my mind
CHICAGO
I’ve been putting off starting this whole blizzog (blizzard blog?) post, for I think, the OBVIOUS reason, that I can’t be funny about Ch-ch-ch-chicago. At least not in the same way that I can be funny about any other shit town in the ole U-S of A. I guess because this city still has a lot of sentimental value for me. It was the city I started being a real live HU-MAN.
So yes, my feelings are a little more earnest when it comes to this, the windiest of cities. On the other hand FUCK IT
Right?
I got off at O’Hare and thought, why is this aeropuerto so big? And why is ey’body so fat? And I thought oh yes a’course it’s the mid-motherfuckin-west baby!
So I took the trusty (?) blue line to Logan Sq where I am and will be currently staying for the duration.
I called my friend Yas, and was all like, “hey gurl how you livin’ where ya apty at?” or something along those lines. She gave me her directions and thinking I was “all that and a bag of chips” I though oh hell yeah I know this city. In reality I’ve never spent that much time in Logan Sq and even when I did live here I constantly google mapped everywhere and was lost pretty much 70-80 percent of the time. So I walked the opposite direction for a good 3 blocks and turned myself around and I made it! I made it the place I was staying.
No police had to be called, no dogs let loose, no search parties sent out endlessly searching for the body that will never be found because the meat has been scavenged, the bones picked clean and long since buried. No! None of that happened.
But I made it. I set my shit down and said look world! Look Chicago! Here I am.
I situated myself and soon was out the door with Yas enjoying the fresh Midwestern air, the ample streets, the trees along the side walk; the trees! So many trees! And not all designated to parks!
We got Thai and then we ate brownies that had a little somethin’ extra…nuts! Walnuts! We had brownies with some of her friendies from school and grrrrrrrrrrl dem brown were güd.
I then met up with my ole roomie Jax and had a heartfelt hug and talked about life over a beer…then…we watched South Park with her boyfriend and boyfriends brother. Slow down! So crazay!
After the pleasantries, reminiscing and a good night sleep Jax, BBS, his bro and I got our BURGER ON. We went to Kumas Corner, Kumas Korner? whatever. It’s this kinda famous burger place in here in Chicago and I had the most delicious burga evah. NOM NOMNOM. It had a fried egg, bacon and cheddar. UUUUUUuuuuuuuugh things that make you mmm things that make you go mmm-mm-mmm.
Needless to say, we had lunch at noon and I was full until about the next day.
That didn’t stop me from going to eat some good Indian food on Devon. It was *kissy hand motion that the French make when they talk about food, delectable. Dinner was with a couple of friends that I hadn’t seen since they last visited New York. It was great to see them and be able to have a conversation with them even though for all purposes we hadn’t seen each other in a little over a year. And even then we never really talked talked.
But it was way the hell on the NorthSide took my like 4evaz to get there and back.
The next morning I took another trip to the Northside.
BUT FIRST
I walked to Wicker Park and went to a bookstore that was pretty great. Old and musty (just like I likes’em). Then headed up.
Yas and I got Vietnamese sammichez. For crazy cheap; three fitty for sammie!
Then we walked around boiztowne. Passed the bathouse and thought hey you! Wink wink wink…I’ve never went in it though…what? Me? Psshaw. Never…
Actually never.
Then we went to the Whole Foods where I eat a slice of pizza. Only 1 ½ hours after I had a sammich. Food and weight don’t matter on vacation just like money and alcohol. It’s a thing. You know the vacation warp. We trucked up back to the apt. Had a few beerz and made some cookies up in the bitch!
Chocolate chip and chocolate chip and cranberry. AAAAAwwww yeah.
Another productive day this time with culture on all fronts.
Full frontal
On this explicitly adult day I went with M. Scott and a painter friend of his to The Art Institute of Chicago Museum.
We went to the only worth while part of the museo according to my artbro friend, the modern wing.
The one piece that really got to me was the Felix Gonzalez-Torres candy piece.
The premise of the piece is that, there is a space that is designated with different candies; the weight of the candies equal to the weight of his lover that passed away due to AIDS (heavy I know). As the day passes observers are welcome to take the candies ultimately changing the weight, which is replenished each day.
It’s a bittersweet piece. The observer eating the candy is essentially consuming the artists lover and the lover is revitalized each day. On the flip-side each day the lover wastes away diminishing in weight as he did when the artist lost him. It’s sad and beautiful and inspiring.
It isn’t dreary or tragic but essentially, Gonzalez-Torres is paying homage to his lover’s passing and giving him continual life.
Ooooh this just turned into art motherfuckin’ hstry ya’llz
It was good.
Saw some other art fart that was good but that was the highlight for me.
On the other cultural side, I watched Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Surprise! I’ve never seen this movie.
Harrison Ford is hot.
That is all.
Beach day fun day.
Went to the gay beach, wore my slightly more modest bathing suit (it is the Midwest HELL-O), dipped into Lake Michigan and lay in the sun, as I am want to do.
And then for the main event. I had dinner with Theo and we went to THE HOPLEAF or heaven in my mouth. Nonsexy heaven. I had the CB&J sammich.
CASHEW BUTTER
FIG JAM
STETSON CHEESE
GRILLED
You heard me. (I, I just died in your arms tonight)
Obvioulsy delicious Belgian Beerz and then some wine to tap it all off.
Oh we saw a babay possum at the wine place after I had my sanish.
My God that was a good sandwich. It lived up to memory, which very few things can. The gooey cheese and the perfect ratio of jam to cashew butter…SO GOOD
UUUUUGHHH
Oops sorry bout that, let my just, wipe…this…up and we can continue.
Then I came home and watched Friday with Jax and we decided that Ice Cube was a hottie and we would smoke with him any day. WINK
Oh and I’ve been making a shit ton of blingeez.
I got my tourist on, on Thursday.
But first I had a delicious non-touristy brunch with Jax and Yas, at Lula Café. NOM NOM French toast and a bloody mary, no better way to start the day. amirite?
THEN I got my tourist on. I went to Millennium Park, took a picture of water fountain block things or whatever, the bean and the Frank Gehry auditorium. ALL ALONE
Frown
Pssh whatever who needs friends to share experiences and memories and special moments.
I sure…don’t.
This trip so far has been about reliving , revisting, re-eating, re-drinking (sure why not that makes sense, right? Sure!) my experience while I lived here a year or so ago in Chicago.
Today was about, I guess, new things…? I don’t know something about doing things that I’ve never done before in Chicago.
Like getting drunk and dancing, oh OOPS done that.
And my time here ends in a bangy whisper or something.
SUCK IT NERDS I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY.
Build your own Blingee
I’ve been putting off starting this whole blizzog (blizzard blog?) post, for I think, the OBVIOUS reason, that I can’t be funny about Ch-ch-ch-chicago. At least not in the same way that I can be funny about any other shit town in the ole U-S of A. I guess because this city still has a lot of sentimental value for me. It was the city I started being a real live HU-MAN.
So yes, my feelings are a little more earnest when it comes to this, the windiest of cities. On the other hand FUCK IT
Right?
I got off at O’Hare and thought, why is this aeropuerto so big? And why is ey’body so fat? And I thought oh yes a’course it’s the mid-motherfuckin-west baby!
So I took the trusty (?) blue line to Logan Sq where I am and will be currently staying for the duration.
I called my friend Yas, and was all like, “hey gurl how you livin’ where ya apty at?” or something along those lines. She gave me her directions and thinking I was “all that and a bag of chips” I though oh hell yeah I know this city. In reality I’ve never spent that much time in Logan Sq and even when I did live here I constantly google mapped everywhere and was lost pretty much 70-80 percent of the time. So I walked the opposite direction for a good 3 blocks and turned myself around and I made it! I made it the place I was staying.
No police had to be called, no dogs let loose, no search parties sent out endlessly searching for the body that will never be found because the meat has been scavenged, the bones picked clean and long since buried. No! None of that happened.
But I made it. I set my shit down and said look world! Look Chicago! Here I am.
I situated myself and soon was out the door with Yas enjoying the fresh Midwestern air, the ample streets, the trees along the side walk; the trees! So many trees! And not all designated to parks!
We got Thai and then we ate brownies that had a little somethin’ extra…nuts! Walnuts! We had brownies with some of her friendies from school and grrrrrrrrrrl dem brown were güd.
I then met up with my ole roomie Jax and had a heartfelt hug and talked about life over a beer…then…we watched South Park with her boyfriend and boyfriends brother. Slow down! So crazay!
After the pleasantries, reminiscing and a good night sleep Jax, BBS, his bro and I got our BURGER ON. We went to Kumas Corner, Kumas Korner? whatever. It’s this kinda famous burger place in here in Chicago and I had the most delicious burga evah. NOM NOMNOM. It had a fried egg, bacon and cheddar. UUUUUUuuuuuuuugh things that make you mmm things that make you go mmm-mm-mmm.
Needless to say, we had lunch at noon and I was full until about the next day.
That didn’t stop me from going to eat some good Indian food on Devon. It was *kissy hand motion that the French make when they talk about food, delectable. Dinner was with a couple of friends that I hadn’t seen since they last visited New York. It was great to see them and be able to have a conversation with them even though for all purposes we hadn’t seen each other in a little over a year. And even then we never really talked talked.
But it was way the hell on the NorthSide took my like 4evaz to get there and back.
The next morning I took another trip to the Northside.
BUT FIRST
I walked to Wicker Park and went to a bookstore that was pretty great. Old and musty (just like I likes’em). Then headed up.
Yas and I got Vietnamese sammichez. For crazy cheap; three fitty for sammie!
Then we walked around boiztowne. Passed the bathouse and thought hey you! Wink wink wink…I’ve never went in it though…what? Me? Psshaw. Never…
Actually never.
Then we went to the Whole Foods where I eat a slice of pizza. Only 1 ½ hours after I had a sammich. Food and weight don’t matter on vacation just like money and alcohol. It’s a thing. You know the vacation warp. We trucked up back to the apt. Had a few beerz and made some cookies up in the bitch!
Chocolate chip and chocolate chip and cranberry. AAAAAwwww yeah.
Another productive day this time with culture on all fronts.
Full frontal
On this explicitly adult day I went with M. Scott and a painter friend of his to The Art Institute of Chicago Museum.
We went to the only worth while part of the museo according to my artbro friend, the modern wing.
The one piece that really got to me was the Felix Gonzalez-Torres candy piece.
The premise of the piece is that, there is a space that is designated with different candies; the weight of the candies equal to the weight of his lover that passed away due to AIDS (heavy I know). As the day passes observers are welcome to take the candies ultimately changing the weight, which is replenished each day.
It’s a bittersweet piece. The observer eating the candy is essentially consuming the artists lover and the lover is revitalized each day. On the flip-side each day the lover wastes away diminishing in weight as he did when the artist lost him. It’s sad and beautiful and inspiring.
It isn’t dreary or tragic but essentially, Gonzalez-Torres is paying homage to his lover’s passing and giving him continual life.
Ooooh this just turned into art motherfuckin’ hstry ya’llz
It was good.
Saw some other art fart that was good but that was the highlight for me.
On the other cultural side, I watched Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Surprise! I’ve never seen this movie.
Harrison Ford is hot.
That is all.
Beach day fun day.
Went to the gay beach, wore my slightly more modest bathing suit (it is the Midwest HELL-O), dipped into Lake Michigan and lay in the sun, as I am want to do.
And then for the main event. I had dinner with Theo and we went to THE HOPLEAF or heaven in my mouth. Nonsexy heaven. I had the CB&J sammich.
CASHEW BUTTER
FIG JAM
STETSON CHEESE
GRILLED
You heard me. (I, I just died in your arms tonight)
Obvioulsy delicious Belgian Beerz and then some wine to tap it all off.
Oh we saw a babay possum at the wine place after I had my sanish.
My God that was a good sandwich. It lived up to memory, which very few things can. The gooey cheese and the perfect ratio of jam to cashew butter…SO GOOD
UUUUUGHHH
Oops sorry bout that, let my just, wipe…this…up and we can continue.
Then I came home and watched Friday with Jax and we decided that Ice Cube was a hottie and we would smoke with him any day. WINK
Oh and I’ve been making a shit ton of blingeez.
I got my tourist on, on Thursday.
But first I had a delicious non-touristy brunch with Jax and Yas, at Lula Café. NOM NOM French toast and a bloody mary, no better way to start the day. amirite?
THEN I got my tourist on. I went to Millennium Park, took a picture of water fountain block things or whatever, the bean and the Frank Gehry auditorium. ALL ALONE
Frown
Pssh whatever who needs friends to share experiences and memories and special moments.
I sure…don’t.
This trip so far has been about reliving , revisting, re-eating, re-drinking (sure why not that makes sense, right? Sure!) my experience while I lived here a year or so ago in Chicago.
Today was about, I guess, new things…? I don’t know something about doing things that I’ve never done before in Chicago.
Like getting drunk and dancing, oh OOPS done that.
And my time here ends in a bangy whisper or something.
SUCK IT NERDS I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY.
Build your own Blingee
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I fell
Chicago, or Chicken cargo as no one calls it ever, here I come!
So I stupidly got a car service to take me to JFK airport…so so dumb.
Because I’m just much too lazy to take the train then another train then another train or a bus to get to the airport.
Because I’d rather wait till the last minute to pack up my things.
Because my roomiee had a bday and we had to celebrate starting at 12 o’clock in the afternoon starting with BRUNCH at a French restaurant with beer and bloodies. And then because my roommate likes the fancy things in life I bought a couple of bottles of 11 dollar champagne!
KNOCK KNOCK who’s there? MR. MOTHERFUCKIN FANCY CLASS THAT’S WHO.
So we knocked those two back because why not? What did our livers ever do for us?
A lot.
Then our bestie friendie barkin came to our apartment. More wine. Then we went to some bougie cocktail place and had one bougie cock-tale each. Then we had some AMAZING Japanese fusion food. Listen I’m not a foodie, I hate the term and I hate those people BUT guuuuuuuuurl it was GOOOOD.
After we feasted like kings are at least like dukes, at the very very least earls…?
We went to some other semi-bougie cocktail place, then of course we ended up at Metropolitan the local homosexual watering hole.
Oh god I was about to make a disgusting play on words…Well not really play on words more like a rearrangement of words. Let’s just say it was along the lines of homosexuals watering their holes. (< --- see? no good, not at all).
Where was I? Ah, yes, so I dumbly paid monayz to get here but whatever. I’m in the plane truckin’ to Chicago. And that is all that matters.
PLUS
Jet motherfuckin’ Blue has MTV; hello Jersey Shore™
Embarrassing!
FYI
chicago is nothing like this
soon though, soon the wheels while turn again and we'll be back to where it started
So I stupidly got a car service to take me to JFK airport…so so dumb.
Because I’m just much too lazy to take the train then another train then another train or a bus to get to the airport.
Because I’d rather wait till the last minute to pack up my things.
Because my roomiee had a bday and we had to celebrate starting at 12 o’clock in the afternoon starting with BRUNCH at a French restaurant with beer and bloodies. And then because my roommate likes the fancy things in life I bought a couple of bottles of 11 dollar champagne!
KNOCK KNOCK who’s there? MR. MOTHERFUCKIN FANCY CLASS THAT’S WHO.
So we knocked those two back because why not? What did our livers ever do for us?
A lot.
Then our bestie friendie barkin came to our apartment. More wine. Then we went to some bougie cocktail place and had one bougie cock-tale each. Then we had some AMAZING Japanese fusion food. Listen I’m not a foodie, I hate the term and I hate those people BUT guuuuuuuuurl it was GOOOOD.
After we feasted like kings are at least like dukes, at the very very least earls…?
We went to some other semi-bougie cocktail place, then of course we ended up at Metropolitan the local homosexual watering hole.
Oh god I was about to make a disgusting play on words…Well not really play on words more like a rearrangement of words. Let’s just say it was along the lines of homosexuals watering their holes. (< --- see? no good, not at all).
Where was I? Ah, yes, so I dumbly paid monayz to get here but whatever. I’m in the plane truckin’ to Chicago. And that is all that matters.
PLUS
Jet motherfuckin’ Blue has MTV; hello Jersey Shore™
Embarrassing!
FYI
chicago is nothing like this
soon though, soon the wheels while turn again and we'll be back to where it started
Saturday, August 14, 2010
i'm breaking my
Is this going to be an ongoing thing?
It's saturday! Once again! I'm at work! exclamation pointzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, more like
SEXclamation points?
I had a bit of a celebration last night. (SEXlebration? )I think I'm just going to randomly insert sex in words. And that friends is how a trend is started (sextarted) <- that could be two werdz!
Where was I? Yes. I had a bit of a celebration last night. And by bit I mean a lot of a celebration. becuarz I gots myself a new JOB. Still at my same place of employ but with a new job! No more SEXcretary work for me! No sir, no thank you ma'am, I'll be just fine.
So I was out at the clurb gettin' my drankz on! And then flashforward I was at home eating chicken nuggets.
Somethings are lost and can never be reclaimed. There are moments that are left or forgotten. These are the times that you can only regret because you can never remember. If a tree falls in the woods who's gonna pick up the remains of the body that the tree fell on? Things sextinue.
This thing rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally got away from me!
So yes; new job, finishing up present job, go me.
And did I mention 3 day weekends? I mean sexkends?
I REPLACED WEE WITH SEX
It's saturday! Once again! I'm at work! exclamation pointzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, more like
SEXclamation points?
I had a bit of a celebration last night. (SEXlebration? )I think I'm just going to randomly insert sex in words. And that friends is how a trend is started (sextarted) <- that could be two werdz!
Where was I? Yes. I had a bit of a celebration last night. And by bit I mean a lot of a celebration. becuarz I gots myself a new JOB. Still at my same place of employ but with a new job! No more SEXcretary work for me! No sir, no thank you ma'am, I'll be just fine.
So I was out at the clurb gettin' my drankz on! And then flashforward I was at home eating chicken nuggets.
Somethings are lost and can never be reclaimed. There are moments that are left or forgotten. These are the times that you can only regret because you can never remember. If a tree falls in the woods who's gonna pick up the remains of the body that the tree fell on? Things sextinue.
This thing rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally got away from me!
So yes; new job, finishing up present job, go me.
And did I mention 3 day weekends? I mean sexkends?
I REPLACED WEE WITH SEX
Thursday, August 12, 2010
chunk of thrown coal
I opened this up and realized I have NOTHING to say.
So I'll do what, I usually do; hurl things against the wall and hope that it sticks!
That's productive right? That won't make for cringe-worthy writing? Duh, of course it won't this is America ifffffffffffffffffff you hadn't noticed. We do what we want, when we want, with the most minimal talent required. Ugh "talent." psssh "ability," fancy 5 dollar words, that most certainly mean nothing, other than...you have skills and like talent n'stuff. Whatever!
And when I said I had nothing to post was before I found THIS:
O_o
So I'll do what, I usually do; hurl things against the wall and hope that it sticks!
That's productive right? That won't make for cringe-worthy writing? Duh, of course it won't this is America ifffffffffffffffffff you hadn't noticed. We do what we want, when we want, with the most minimal talent required. Ugh "talent." psssh "ability," fancy 5 dollar words, that most certainly mean nothing, other than...you have skills and like talent n'stuff. Whatever!
And when I said I had nothing to post was before I found THIS:
O_o
Monday, August 9, 2010
and i will be your deary
What does it mean when you're late to your first therapy session because you simply forgot your insurance card and had to, had to, had to run back home to get it. KNOWING that it takes about 30 minutes to get to your apt and back to the office.
WAS I SABOTAGING MYSELF?
Short answer is no. Long answer is still no.
I just forgot my G.D. ins. card because I haven't been using my wallet because my wallet is a sticky piece of shit.
I've joined the ranks of the endlessly neurotic seeking introspective help.
or something! feelings! They're weird!
So it was new and different but also nice. The therapist talked just enough to get me talking more. There was a whole lot of talking and it wasn't all gobbledy-gook (<---the sounds kinda racist?)!
So that's that. If things ever get TOO REAL, which presumably they will, since I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that's what therapy is all about. I'm probably not going to talk about it in this mofo.
there. i'm seeing a psychotherapist and now we wait *twiddles thumbs
WAS I SABOTAGING MYSELF?
Short answer is no. Long answer is still no.
I just forgot my G.D. ins. card because I haven't been using my wallet because my wallet is a sticky piece of shit.
I've joined the ranks of the endlessly neurotic seeking introspective help.
or something! feelings! They're weird!
So it was new and different but also nice. The therapist talked just enough to get me talking more. There was a whole lot of talking and it wasn't all gobbledy-gook (<---the sounds kinda racist?)!
So that's that. If things ever get TOO REAL, which presumably they will, since I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that's what therapy is all about. I'm probably not going to talk about it in this mofo.
there. i'm seeing a psychotherapist and now we wait *twiddles thumbs
Monday, August 2, 2010
To friends
I hate the fact that even though i made the obvious WEEKEND tag this is in fact not my weekend. This isn't even the squeakend, you know? No chipmunks runnin' round here. It's just another work day.
I'm here.
I'm queer.
And I'm a lil over it.
I didn't like the phrase "over it" for a long time. I thought it added a dismissive quality to the situation that the speaker was in, that, instead of placing them in the dominate position, the speaker was letting themselves become passive in whatever they (the speaker) was either over or under. And then I thought to myself, "Why the fuck am I think about this, I'm over it!" Then it clicked, like so many finger snapping drag queens. I knew. When you become "over" something/someone/some situation, not only do you negate it's dominance, you also in turn regard it with such disdain that the mere thought of it will make you physical sick, so you choose not to think about it anymore.
Just me? Whatever *eye roll
AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING SEXTRA:
C- Oh hey It’s L! Beer? Let me go get you…
L- party still going on?
As C exits
C- did it ever stop!
M- Will it?
L – will…?
M – C ever stop being his charming self?
L – Very/ little chance of that
G – /Oh please at least/ he’s entertaining
L – Entertaining is certainly a word for it.
M – Yeah, bullfighting is also entertaining
L – Not if you’re the bull.
M – Not if you’re the bullfighter
L – Matador
G – It’s a spectacle
L – Where’s that beer? Spectacle?
G – yeah the crowd; excitement
M – Blood
L - -Gore
M – Mauling’s
G – Did you check behind?
Off
C – Found it!
C enters with beer hands it to L
M - -About time, what took you so long?
L – Just…I went through this day and I didn’t know what time it was. Didn’t even look-ask. Walked around...not sure if I did anything. Met up with this…eh he was charming and yeah. Sorry I’m late.
C – The nice outfits; all sparkley n’shit
G – It’s traditional…not sure why
M – Charming….name?...initial?
L – What’d I miss?
C- I was just—
G – instigating
M – Being an asshole –
C – Broken record
L – Having fun I see
M – C was regaling us with wisdom he picked up some 10 or so years ago back while he was playing games in some class. Psychology, Sociology? God knows, C surely doesn’t…
C – Just because I touched a nerve.
L – Not hard
G – Thank you
M – Of course it’s not hard when you try so much.
C – You call that trying?
G/L//C – Please!
G – It is. I know it is…Not trying is just vaguely…it’s just a vague sense of being vaguely annoying
Beat
L – Charming; outgoing to the point of almost being…overwhelming
M – But not, right?
L – No, I mean yeah, right.
C – So you met someone, who isn’t an asshole.
L – Yeah I guess I did.
I'm here.
I'm queer.
And I'm a lil over it.
I didn't like the phrase "over it" for a long time. I thought it added a dismissive quality to the situation that the speaker was in, that, instead of placing them in the dominate position, the speaker was letting themselves become passive in whatever they (the speaker) was either over or under. And then I thought to myself, "Why the fuck am I think about this, I'm over it!" Then it clicked, like so many finger snapping drag queens. I knew. When you become "over" something/someone/some situation, not only do you negate it's dominance, you also in turn regard it with such disdain that the mere thought of it will make you physical sick, so you choose not to think about it anymore.
Just me? Whatever *eye roll
AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING SEXTRA:
C- Oh hey It’s L! Beer? Let me go get you…
L- party still going on?
As C exits
C- did it ever stop!
M- Will it?
L – will…?
M – C ever stop being his charming self?
L – Very/ little chance of that
G – /Oh please at least/ he’s entertaining
L – Entertaining is certainly a word for it.
M – Yeah, bullfighting is also entertaining
L – Not if you’re the bull.
M – Not if you’re the bullfighter
L – Matador
G – It’s a spectacle
L – Where’s that beer? Spectacle?
G – yeah the crowd; excitement
M – Blood
L - -Gore
M – Mauling’s
G – Did you check behind?
Off
C – Found it!
C enters with beer hands it to L
M - -About time, what took you so long?
L – Just…I went through this day and I didn’t know what time it was. Didn’t even look-ask. Walked around...not sure if I did anything. Met up with this…eh he was charming and yeah. Sorry I’m late.
C – The nice outfits; all sparkley n’shit
G – It’s traditional…not sure why
M – Charming….name?...initial?
L – What’d I miss?
C- I was just—
G – instigating
M – Being an asshole –
C – Broken record
L – Having fun I see
M – C was regaling us with wisdom he picked up some 10 or so years ago back while he was playing games in some class. Psychology, Sociology? God knows, C surely doesn’t…
C – Just because I touched a nerve.
L – Not hard
G – Thank you
M – Of course it’s not hard when you try so much.
C – You call that trying?
G/L//C – Please!
G – It is. I know it is…Not trying is just vaguely…it’s just a vague sense of being vaguely annoying
Beat
L – Charming; outgoing to the point of almost being…overwhelming
M – But not, right?
L – No, I mean yeah, right.
C – So you met someone, who isn’t an asshole.
L – Yeah I guess I did.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
boom clap
First, can you believe that it's August?
Which means that the summer is almost over? Which means that soon I won't be able to wear shorts? and tank tops? That I won't be able to go to the beach? Which means I'll have been at my current job for a year? AND OTHER QUESTIONS?
This summer so far has been pretty good. Dumb when it need to be. Drunk when it needed to be (ie most of all of the time)
Sidenote: when is it eg? and when is it ie? or re? it's one of those things that I have never figured out and I don't want to because, you know...I'm not a nerd.
Like, who and whom, for instance, I'm just gonna use'em interchangably because that's how I roll, uninformedly (and grammatically incorrect or as I like to call it "grammatically creative").
I've avoided hearing the Katy Perry song in any clurbz. Which doesn't mean I haven't listened to the Katy Perry song. It's a self-flagellation (word of the day!) of the gayest kind.
And Wednesday I'm going to the beach and I'm going to try to be a happy lil human and enjoy my summer like so many high school dramas taught me to act.
Which means that the summer is almost over? Which means that soon I won't be able to wear shorts? and tank tops? That I won't be able to go to the beach? Which means I'll have been at my current job for a year? AND OTHER QUESTIONS?
This summer so far has been pretty good. Dumb when it need to be. Drunk when it needed to be (ie most of all of the time)
Sidenote: when is it eg? and when is it ie? or re? it's one of those things that I have never figured out and I don't want to because, you know...I'm not a nerd.
Like, who and whom, for instance, I'm just gonna use'em interchangably because that's how I roll, uninformedly (and grammatically incorrect or as I like to call it "grammatically creative").
I've avoided hearing the Katy Perry song in any clurbz. Which doesn't mean I haven't listened to the Katy Perry song. It's a self-flagellation (word of the day!) of the gayest kind.
And Wednesday I'm going to the beach and I'm going to try to be a happy lil human and enjoy my summer like so many high school dramas taught me to act.
Friday, July 16, 2010
I wish they all could
So I woke up around 12 cali-for-ni-a time and let me tell you something; it was awesome.
I'm sitting here in Aubz apty with her roomie writing in this ram-shamble of internet space.
I think I'm basically going to do a vacay round up and NOT right in this thing everyday like some kind of loser baby monkey man.
Then we met with some ca-li-fornia gayz and had some drankz. But srsly california gays are really touchy feely. I was a little put off by that. I'm like, i only touch you if I've known you for more than 1 year and/or am trying to sleep with you. Known of which applied to any o' dees gays. OR DID IT? it didn't.
BTW I was mistaken for Wilson cruz (don’t know who that is) El Oh El?
Today the ole gang, I almost typed the ole gayng (<--still valid) and I went to beach and sunned and frolicked. I got to see Malibu which was nice and I got to see the Pacific ocean which just felt so large and I got to wear my tiny swimsuit, which come on is every gays perfect day, amirite? After practicing being mermaids and wearing MATCHING swimsuits –slash- something that will here to forth be labeled “beach underwear” ???? yes!
Back to the story, Aubz and I were supposed to meet up with a friend and we did but he is what I’d like to call a searcher. Flitting from group to group scoping the scene for someone to take him home. He was sweet, just preoccupied. So we left him to his own devices and went home.
Oh I’m sorry, I left our the most important part. We go slurpees at the 7/11 before we went home.
Sunday, we woke begrudgingly early and went to the farmers market and gorged our self on free fruit/cheese/bread samples. It was amazing. And worth it. I also drank some sweet sweet lime-ade. Uuuuugh. Took a pill good time all the time.
Oh, and number two? PUG PUPPIES.
Afters, we went to Amoeba and got some records amd apparently I was singing something or another and I made a stranger uncomfortable! Hooray.
We then watched an amazing movie. It was amazing and a movie. We ended the day perfectly by eating pizza and watching Independence Day, welcome to Earth indeed.
Monday, yesterday I guess, D’smity and I went to Aubz place of work talked some smack and got lunch. Then we finshed my roll of film got donuts and simply enjoyed each others company.
Almost 5 days and I didn’t get a picture of a single landmark.
SUCCESS
ASSTROOO BURGER was yummy and delicious and made my hert go boom ba-boom. But before that we took a drive up mullholland dr and saw all the pretty MANSIONS. then we went to a gay bar, in wich the night was called BIG FAT DICKS. Needless to say the bar was a lil trashy.
I woke up at 12! noon! that's 3! in real (NY TIME) then I walked around Melrose with D'smity (aubz roomie). It was basically like the scene It was basically like a scene from my most deepest fantasy. The fact that waking up at noon is a fantasy of mine, is something i have to live with everyday and I've learned to accept that.
I went shopping (gaycation shopping is the most dangerous type of shopping there is) and I bought several items one of them (my most favie baby one of them) being a gold necklace with a gold feather pendent.
I went shopping (gaycation shopping is the most dangerous type of shopping there is) and I bought several items one of them (my most favie baby one of them) being a gold necklace with a gold feather pendent.
YES AND YES.
Went to silverlake and had some margz w/some laydyayz. It was all pseudo-real housewives, but with the obvious and much need black lezbot.
Then we went to Griffith Park Observatory, of Rebel Without a Cause fame and I say the creeeepy bust of james. It was hellza weirrrrrd. Oh and we saw some russian tourist taking "classy" pictures of themselves. Not to seem xena(warriorprincess)phobic on ya'll but the russian tourist don't get what classy is I think. They have a vague idea but it always goes terribly wrong and earnestly slutty.
Went to silverlake and had some margz w/some laydyayz. It was all pseudo-real housewives, but with the obvious and much need black lezbot.
Then we went to Griffith Park Observatory, of Rebel Without a Cause fame and I say the creeeepy bust of james. It was hellza weirrrrrd. Oh and we saw some russian tourist taking "classy" pictures of themselves. Not to seem xena(warriorprincess)phobic on ya'll but the russian tourist don't get what classy is I think. They have a vague idea but it always goes terribly wrong and earnestly slutty.
Then we met with some ca-li-fornia gayz and had some drankz. But srsly california gays are really touchy feely. I was a little put off by that. I'm like, i only touch you if I've known you for more than 1 year and/or am trying to sleep with you. Known of which applied to any o' dees gays. OR DID IT? it didn't.
BTW I was mistaken for Wilson cruz (don’t know who that is) El Oh El?
Today the ole gang, I almost typed the ole gayng (<--still valid) and I went to beach and sunned and frolicked. I got to see Malibu which was nice and I got to see the Pacific ocean which just felt so large and I got to wear my tiny swimsuit, which come on is every gays perfect day, amirite? After practicing being mermaids and wearing MATCHING swimsuits –slash- something that will here to forth be labeled “beach underwear” ???? yes!
We went homo. Watched a movie took a lil nap and went out d-d-d-dancing.
Well Aubz n I did D’smity stayed home.
We want to this thing called Cherry Pop or Popstars or Super Cherrypop, I’m not sure but it sounded thuper faggy, which I like. Another thang that I like? We got in for freezers. We got stuffed into freezers and carted in the back way. Right before we were going to be locked in we stuck out our arm and emerged ready to go out it. Or we ran into some rando and she had 2 other plus ones, which I guess in her sitch would be plus 3’s.
We want to this thing called Cherry Pop or Popstars or Super Cherrypop, I’m not sure but it sounded thuper faggy, which I like. Another thang that I like? We got in for freezers. We got stuffed into freezers and carted in the back way. Right before we were going to be locked in we stuck out our arm and emerged ready to go out it. Or we ran into some rando and she had 2 other plus ones, which I guess in her sitch would be plus 3’s.
We were right behind her n’ her boifrienz and the woman at the door was like “are these your friends?” and she was all “…s…suuuuuuuuuuree, yeah, yes they are my friends, why not.” So we got special bracelets that woulda let us hang out with Kimberly Locke (who ever the fuck that is) but instead we didn’t and just danced.
THE MUSIC WAS ON POINT THE ENTIRE NIGHT. En Vogue, TLC, Maria, Brandy, Madonna, Robyn, Lady Gagz, CAN WE SAY GAY? Yes yes we can because we are.
We danced for a solid 2/2:30 hours.
sidenote: just saw someone with an Oberlin sweatshirt. We are a geeky bunch.
BTW I saw Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (lol)
We danced for a solid 2/2:30 hours.
sidenote: just saw someone with an Oberlin sweatshirt. We are a geeky bunch.
BTW I saw Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (lol)
Back to the story, Aubz and I were supposed to meet up with a friend and we did but he is what I’d like to call a searcher. Flitting from group to group scoping the scene for someone to take him home. He was sweet, just preoccupied. So we left him to his own devices and went home.
Oh I’m sorry, I left our the most important part. We go slurpees at the 7/11 before we went home.
Sunday, we woke begrudgingly early and went to the farmers market and gorged our self on free fruit/cheese/bread samples. It was amazing. And worth it. I also drank some sweet sweet lime-ade. Uuuuugh. Took a pill good time all the time.
Oh, and number two? PUG PUPPIES.
Afters, we went to Amoeba and got some records amd apparently I was singing something or another and I made a stranger uncomfortable! Hooray.
We then watched an amazing movie. It was amazing and a movie. We ended the day perfectly by eating pizza and watching Independence Day, welcome to Earth indeed.
Monday, yesterday I guess, D’smity and I went to Aubz place of work talked some smack and got lunch. Then we finshed my roll of film got donuts and simply enjoyed each others company.
Almost 5 days and I didn’t get a picture of a single landmark.
SUCCESS
California Love
I’m going going back back to Cali Cali. I’m sitting in the ole hunk of metal and fuel jet-setting (where are my white thigh high go-go boots!?) my way to Californie to visit my friend Aubz. It’s been aaaaages, (like a month or something) since I’ve last seen her. It would be more climactic id she hadn’t already visited New Jerk City. Thanks a lot aubz, thanks for making this reunion all the less special.
I’m my flight to Chicago, since I can’t afford a direct flight, even when I bought my ticket like 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE, I was stuck beside a very presumptuous (<- who knew it was spelled like that! I didn’t!) women that asked my to hold her coffee for her. Well less of a request and more of a shoving a coffee cup into my paw and saying “hold this.” Well sure. I’ve been raised a polite Midwesterner, also I didn’t want scalding coffee to get all up on my lap. No sir and or ma’am that isn’t my cup o’tea. Sure if she had asked nicely or at all I woulda gladly said yes! I have nothing against small requests especially if we are going to be crammed into this glorified air bus.
A little later when the flight attendant was passin’ by with some snackies the woman beside me was takin’ a lil nap. After the attendant had passed, the woman roused and saw that I was enjoying my delicious, free airline snack, with my headphones in BEE TEA DOUBLE-U, proceeds to poke me and say “can you get me mine?” This woman as far as I can tell is perfectly healthy, robust even! So I just look over at her, I guess slightly incredulously, because come on, getcha own snack boo. She then amends her request, “can you get her attention so I can get my snack?” The flight attendant was already coming over, the woman beside me was wasting much need attention grabbing energy with me that should have been unleashed toward the attendant. She’s got the power of the cheese crackers and peanuts, not me friends, most certainly not me. So I simply raised my hand, when the attendant was passing and gestured toward my aisle companion.
I’m not complaining I barely did anything, I raised my hand and held a cup.
I’ve done more for less? I don’t even know if that’s true.
But wherever you my presumptuous flight friend, you’re welcome and thank you for teaching me the spelling of the word presumptuous.
I’m my flight to Chicago, since I can’t afford a direct flight, even when I bought my ticket like 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE, I was stuck beside a very presumptuous (<- who knew it was spelled like that! I didn’t!) women that asked my to hold her coffee for her. Well less of a request and more of a shoving a coffee cup into my paw and saying “hold this.” Well sure. I’ve been raised a polite Midwesterner, also I didn’t want scalding coffee to get all up on my lap. No sir and or ma’am that isn’t my cup o’tea. Sure if she had asked nicely or at all I woulda gladly said yes! I have nothing against small requests especially if we are going to be crammed into this glorified air bus.
A little later when the flight attendant was passin’ by with some snackies the woman beside me was takin’ a lil nap. After the attendant had passed, the woman roused and saw that I was enjoying my delicious, free airline snack, with my headphones in BEE TEA DOUBLE-U, proceeds to poke me and say “can you get me mine?” This woman as far as I can tell is perfectly healthy, robust even! So I just look over at her, I guess slightly incredulously, because come on, getcha own snack boo. She then amends her request, “can you get her attention so I can get my snack?” The flight attendant was already coming over, the woman beside me was wasting much need attention grabbing energy with me that should have been unleashed toward the attendant. She’s got the power of the cheese crackers and peanuts, not me friends, most certainly not me. So I simply raised my hand, when the attendant was passing and gestured toward my aisle companion.
I’m not complaining I barely did anything, I raised my hand and held a cup.
I’ve done more for less? I don’t even know if that’s true.
But wherever you my presumptuous flight friend, you’re welcome and thank you for teaching me the spelling of the word presumptuous.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
California here we come!
What a day and stupid motherfucking day to be my last day of work before my gaycavtion! That’s a vacation for gay people! See! I can be just as dumb as The Wall Street Journal !
It’s dreary, rainy, doubleshift kinda stupid day. SUCK IT
But for real ya’lls I’m going to California tomorrow. There are several things I’ve been doing to prepare. Several!
There are 4 songs that I’ve been listening to in order to get totally ready bro! They all have either California or L.A in them. Shut up; I’m lazy. PLUS dumb. I’m lazy and dumb.
Lets cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
California Girls by the Magnetic Fields, because…duh. Who doesn’t hate California laydays! They are shallow, materialistic…basically everything I am because I’m a ‘Merica BUT they have the added bonus of being in a sunny climate. This is why I hate California Girls!
California Girls by the Beach Boys, curz at the same time Cali girls are big ole slut bags so what’s NOT to love?.......! These boys just love going to the beach and makin’ music. The one offensive is the line about Midwest Girls. They don’t know how to make you feel good. That’s why I’m gay. CLASSIC
Ode to L.A. by The Ravenoettes. Who doesn’t want to just get the eff out of wherever they are and go to a place in which the American Mythos has created to be full of sun, beautiful people, glamour and something else…botox, I think. To see how the other coast lives. To possibly (most likely) get annoyed by those sun-dappled assholes. Get a salad or something, I don’t know what they eat over there.
In California by Joanna Newsom because I’m kind of a sentimental hippie at heart. Seriously! If you chip away at the pretension and idiocy, I’ma flower child wishing only peace and love and the crossing of borders (unless you’re an illegal DUH ;( ) and the reconnecting of people and exploration of things that you don’t know and have never seen.
I’ve also been watching non stop Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Squeeeeeeeeee! To get ready to get my self thrown into the hellmouth.
WOOOLF HOOOOOWL Dananana-dananana (guitar riff) buffy song.
I'm out!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Things change but they're still the same
This seem a good a time as any to talk about M(m).I(i).A(a).’s MIA’s new album appropriately (?) titled /\/\/\Y/\ (<-- get it? That’s her name! in idiot). So right off the bat I think she was trying to create an alienating affect (<-- I meant what I said) with the album name. It’s virtually ungoogle-able and looks like a hodge-podge of rando-puter speak but surprise, it’s her name! MAYA using front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash capital “y”- front slash-back slash. And yes I did need to explain that just to bring that little piece of annoyance I have with the album to the forefront. Honestly besides making it unsearchable I don’t know why she did it? To look unique or maybe she was high, with baby ikhid on her arms or however you spell that. TO THE MUSIC 
I’ve been listening to /\/\/\Y/\ non stop for about 4 days. I listened to it 2-3 times in a row when I got it.
It was/is good.
The beginning track “The Message” calls back to the Arular era of M.I.A., politicized statement with the play on a kids song “connected the google; connected to the gvt” indeed! Her sometimes insightful, sometimes insane, sometimes inane commentary works best musically. Is it the beat? Duh. She’s articulate in her music in a way that doesn’t come off sounding just…frustratingly dumb and un-nuanced, with the beat and the occasionally clever turn of phrase she is able to at least not sound kinda, ridiculous IRL.
One of my favorite tracks is “Steppin’ Up.” I think because it shows what M.I.A. can sound like when she is working with what sounded the most successful before. It has a rough beat using the noiserock scheme and applying it with dancehall/hip-hop sensibilities. The same can be said about "XXXO" with it's slightly clearer beats as well as "Teqkilla." Although at times some of the lyrics can be lost in the over powering beats. Which, honestly the lyrics and the beat are the reasons we listen to MIA, no? One gem in "Teqkilla," is "I got iky iky wiky sticky weeee(d?); shot of tequila in me" I sincerely hope she rolled in her love for her son, her weed and her booze all in one glorious and catchy hook. These are the most extremely dancable tracks. It' MIA the way we remember her, more mature and a little more adventurous with her beats and samples.
In "Lovalot" and "Story to be Told" MIA heads to more of her rapping/spoken word. Will not to terrible innovative it is catchy none-the-less. The beginning of "Story to be Told" can be a but grating as if the track was too simple at first so they just kept adding more on. It doesn't become more interesting, it just becomes muddy and a lil weird ya'll. "Lovalot" is reminiscent of "Bambo Banger" in Kala to the point of being confused for it, while not bad, just seems out of place in an album whose sound has grown a lot from her previous LP's. So it's isn't ole skool ya'll it's just kinda done n done.
The next tracks though not in order chronologically on the album are all stylistically similar. "It Takes a Muscle," "It Iz What It Iz," "Tell Me Why," "Space." Here MIA is playing with the new all the rage chillwave. It's basically music you can listen to when it's 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning, your wasted, finally just relaxing/coming down/getting high and you can just do a slow jamz with it. At of all the four listed "It Iz What it Iz" is the least successful. It's not nuanced and all redundant, nothing interesting, it's filler at it's worst. The rest are all good. I guess, not spectacular but apt. "Tell Me Why" of the chillwave is the most memorable and worthy of listening on repeat.
"Born Free" and "Meds and Feds" are...a disappointment. MIA, trying to expand her sound to include some drum driven rock beats just sounds, harried. It's not worth listening to, kinda? It sounds like a rehashing of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs or Le Tigre. Just been done.
Most of the lyrics deal with Ms. Maya's dealing with her new place in the world. It comes in conflict with MIA's dual identity; clinging to her war torn past (THIRD WORLD DEMOCRACY), but embracing the hip-hop/rap aesthetic of swagger, while ACTUALLY being super-duper rich because of who she married and what she married into. So there are times when the lyrics come off a little whiny and other where it seems her confusion does play it in her music and lyrics.
So all in all. It's good listen. Not a great listen, nothing revolutionary or groundbreaking, which is what MIA is always trying to do. It doesn't really do that. She does expand her sound some with mixed results.
So listen and enjoy for what it is and only be a little disappointed at what it tries to be.
Or not! Who am I to tell you what to listen to! Just some jerk!
I’ve been listening to /\/\/\Y/\ non stop for about 4 days. I listened to it 2-3 times in a row when I got it.
It was/is good.
The beginning track “The Message” calls back to the Arular era of M.I.A., politicized statement with the play on a kids song “connected the google; connected to the gvt” indeed! Her sometimes insightful, sometimes insane, sometimes inane commentary works best musically. Is it the beat? Duh. She’s articulate in her music in a way that doesn’t come off sounding just…frustratingly dumb and un-nuanced, with the beat and the occasionally clever turn of phrase she is able to at least not sound kinda, ridiculous IRL.
One of my favorite tracks is “Steppin’ Up.” I think because it shows what M.I.A. can sound like when she is working with what sounded the most successful before. It has a rough beat using the noiserock scheme and applying it with dancehall/hip-hop sensibilities. The same can be said about "XXXO" with it's slightly clearer beats as well as "Teqkilla." Although at times some of the lyrics can be lost in the over powering beats. Which, honestly the lyrics and the beat are the reasons we listen to MIA, no? One gem in "Teqkilla," is "I got iky iky wiky sticky weeee(d?); shot of tequila in me" I sincerely hope she rolled in her love for her son, her weed and her booze all in one glorious and catchy hook. These are the most extremely dancable tracks. It' MIA the way we remember her, more mature and a little more adventurous with her beats and samples.
In "Lovalot" and "Story to be Told" MIA heads to more of her rapping/spoken word. Will not to terrible innovative it is catchy none-the-less. The beginning of "Story to be Told" can be a but grating as if the track was too simple at first so they just kept adding more on. It doesn't become more interesting, it just becomes muddy and a lil weird ya'll. "Lovalot" is reminiscent of "Bambo Banger" in Kala to the point of being confused for it, while not bad, just seems out of place in an album whose sound has grown a lot from her previous LP's. So it's isn't ole skool ya'll it's just kinda done n done.
The next tracks though not in order chronologically on the album are all stylistically similar. "It Takes a Muscle," "It Iz What It Iz," "Tell Me Why," "Space." Here MIA is playing with the new all the rage chillwave. It's basically music you can listen to when it's 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning, your wasted, finally just relaxing/coming down/getting high and you can just do a slow jamz with it. At of all the four listed "It Iz What it Iz" is the least successful. It's not nuanced and all redundant, nothing interesting, it's filler at it's worst. The rest are all good. I guess, not spectacular but apt. "Tell Me Why" of the chillwave is the most memorable and worthy of listening on repeat.
"Born Free" and "Meds and Feds" are...a disappointment. MIA, trying to expand her sound to include some drum driven rock beats just sounds, harried. It's not worth listening to, kinda? It sounds like a rehashing of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs or Le Tigre. Just been done.
Most of the lyrics deal with Ms. Maya's dealing with her new place in the world. It comes in conflict with MIA's dual identity; clinging to her war torn past (THIRD WORLD DEMOCRACY), but embracing the hip-hop/rap aesthetic of swagger, while ACTUALLY being super-duper rich because of who she married and what she married into. So there are times when the lyrics come off a little whiny and other where it seems her confusion does play it in her music and lyrics.
So all in all. It's good listen. Not a great listen, nothing revolutionary or groundbreaking, which is what MIA is always trying to do. It doesn't really do that. She does expand her sound some with mixed results.
So listen and enjoy for what it is and only be a little disappointed at what it tries to be.
Or not! Who am I to tell you what to listen to! Just some jerk!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
it's my heart not me
I'm a sleepy sally today.
K and T (hello! thanks! please, enjoy! no no no, this one's on me!) can attest that.
I was thinking about all the horrible movies I promised I would treat myself to.
Movies like, Sex in the City 2: Operation Desert Sandblast Facelift or Twilight Eclipse: The Hunt for Vadge October.
I don't know. If these are the movies that er'body went midnight screening crazy over why not watch them!
Here's why, because they would probably make any sane person gladly claw out their eyes.
But
BUT the absolute genius that are these cinematic gems is that they have the endless potential for unintentional hilariousness. Like when some gets hit with a ball or when you see toolbags on skateboards fall and hurt themselves.
IT'S MAJOR LULZTIMEZ,
So I guess it's kind of hipsterish, my desire to watch these movies.....? Or my desire to be a part of mainstream pop culture yet simultaneously be a part from it. I dunno!
Either way I do want to watch THIS MOVIE:
So, how'd you like it? Thanks for coming. Oh and say hi to the kids for me, they grow up so fast don't they? I can't believe little Susy graduated and is starting Smith in the fall. And I'm sure Drew will find his footing; he's always been a free spirit.
Oh and hey I'll make some of my famous polenta in the future, I know how much you enjoyed it that last time. I just haven't had the time! so so so busy! Well thanks again!
Oh and next you come around, do you mind wiping your feet? There's shit all over my new rug.
K and T (hello! thanks! please, enjoy! no no no, this one's on me!) can attest that.
I was thinking about all the horrible movies I promised I would treat myself to.
Movies like, Sex in the City 2: Operation Desert Sandblast Facelift or Twilight Eclipse: The Hunt for Vadge October.
I don't know. If these are the movies that er'body went midnight screening crazy over why not watch them!
Here's why, because they would probably make any sane person gladly claw out their eyes.
But
BUT the absolute genius that are these cinematic gems is that they have the endless potential for unintentional hilariousness. Like when some gets hit with a ball or when you see toolbags on skateboards fall and hurt themselves.
IT'S MAJOR LULZTIMEZ,
So I guess it's kind of hipsterish, my desire to watch these movies.....? Or my desire to be a part of mainstream pop culture yet simultaneously be a part from it. I dunno!
Either way I do want to watch THIS MOVIE:
So, how'd you like it? Thanks for coming. Oh and say hi to the kids for me, they grow up so fast don't they? I can't believe little Susy graduated and is starting Smith in the fall. And I'm sure Drew will find his footing; he's always been a free spirit.
Oh and hey I'll make some of my famous polenta in the future, I know how much you enjoyed it that last time. I just haven't had the time! so so so busy! Well thanks again!
Oh and next you come around, do you mind wiping your feet? There's shit all over my new rug.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Another
It’s summer again and again and again summer tends to bring out the worst/best in me people. I—errr I mean people, sure people…tend to drink a lil more (uuuh hello; cook outs, bars with outdoor areas, beach trips, festivals, concerts, picnics, weekends, Thursdays), dress a little sluttier (tank tops n’ shorty shorts). While in general there is nothing wrong with any of these things when taken to X-treme things can get a little, collar-pullingly awkward; especially meeting new people. It can be as what only can be described as a Jekyll and Hyde situation or at worse a Ke$ha situation. Something no body enjoys but everyone will remember…because it was just…YUCK!
Summer is the time for a lot of things. It’s a virtual hotbed of change and discomfort, soothed and aggravated by those characteristic mentioned above. If your lucky you find a balance and meet someone decent, or, you know, not.
Summer is a time for heated ambition that should be cooled, unless you want to make a jackass of yourself with how much you’ve invested yourself in a possibility. And then when that possibility that you talked your fool ass self into thinking was in inevitability blows up in your face. Because no matter how much you think you deserve something, or how much you think you would be the perfect candidate for the job, life has a way of oh saying “uuuhhhh I think you’ve confused your life with a special episode of Saved by the Bell.”
So my attempt at ambition was shot down like so many old yellers. I got put the fuck down. So I’m going to wail and rage and bloody my knuckles, tear at my hair, questioning once again the choices I’ve made. And then I’ll go home and drink and eat ice scream. Because why not, I enjoy being a stereotype.
Because what else is there when something doesn’t go your way and you have no control over it. When people were an your side and a technicality keeps you from what you want. When you’ve spent some much of your life hearing no no no that for once the idea of yes seemed so appealing that you trick yourself into saying yes too.
GOD
I sound like an emo poet from the Midwest.
No substance only whining. I’m like the McDonalds of blogs.
The McChicken of posts.
Summer is the time for a lot of things. It’s a virtual hotbed of change and discomfort, soothed and aggravated by those characteristic mentioned above. If your lucky you find a balance and meet someone decent, or, you know, not.
Summer is a time for heated ambition that should be cooled, unless you want to make a jackass of yourself with how much you’ve invested yourself in a possibility. And then when that possibility that you talked your fool ass self into thinking was in inevitability blows up in your face. Because no matter how much you think you deserve something, or how much you think you would be the perfect candidate for the job, life has a way of oh saying “uuuhhhh I think you’ve confused your life with a special episode of Saved by the Bell.”
So my attempt at ambition was shot down like so many old yellers. I got put the fuck down. So I’m going to wail and rage and bloody my knuckles, tear at my hair, questioning once again the choices I’ve made. And then I’ll go home and drink and eat ice scream. Because why not, I enjoy being a stereotype.
Because what else is there when something doesn’t go your way and you have no control over it. When people were an your side and a technicality keeps you from what you want. When you’ve spent some much of your life hearing no no no that for once the idea of yes seemed so appealing that you trick yourself into saying yes too.
GOD
I sound like an emo poet from the Midwest.
No substance only whining. I’m like the McDonalds of blogs.
The McChicken of posts.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A plot of land
After my anXXXiety (<-sexy!) fit yesterday, I had a well rested night last night. OR SO I THOUGHT. I found my sleep briefly disturbed by a dream that I haven't had in a while.
I found myself back in the neighborhood I grew up in, but everything was slightly twisted sideways/inside out. It was like when you revisit a place that you knew really well but like half the buildings had been taken down and new ones had been erected (<-heh) that didn't seem to quite belong.
I was trying to figure out what exactly had happened to my picturesque nightmare of a home town, when I was being chased. Like prior times I've had this dreams I can never see the face of my pursuer. There is always a shadow or a fog that seems to cover his face. It's really fucking scary. So there I was, dream me running for my life, again.
When I reached that moment of dream realization (dreamization?) where I'm like oh a'duh you dreamin' stupid. Unlike the cool cool coolio dream manipulating things that you can do, like fly n' things, I couldn't do any of that shit.
All I could do is wonder why I couldn't wake myself up. I did manage to wake up once I was safely sheltered in my dream best friends dream house not to be confused with the horror show that is Barbies Dreamhouse of broken dreams and bloody corpses. I climbed through my dream friends attic window, which he doesn't have in real life, and I was safe.
Well safe for the moment since I knew that he would find me. It's been, what? Like 3-4 years since I've had this dream, so maybe he'll find me again, like nightmares on phlegmstreet, spo0o0o0ky! So I woke up pissed because I wasn't able to, you know kick some dream ass.
And that was that. And this is this:
M – This. This is why not no one likes you. I don’t like you, L can’t stand you, G only tolerates you because he’s known you the longest. It’s because you are an asshole. Not one of those rakish assholes, nope. Just an asshole.
C – Because I don’t spout platitudes? Because I know that things might not end up O.K. and choose not to delude myself into thinking that they will?
M – You think that you’re doing everyone such a great service.
C – Aren’t I?
M – You have no filter, you have no regard for anyone’s feelings, anyone's.
G has been sitting, drinking his beer. Continues to watch.
M – You just say thing that are incredibly…ugh…stupid-
C – Why? Why is it stupid? I don’t like to sugar coat things because what’s the point? Isn’t the truth what everyone wants to hear? No. Obviously, not. People want to feel special, unique, like they can conquer anything. Not true. The truth isn’t beautiful; it’s dirty and hard and will sit on your chest torturing you. Immovable.
M – Listen Cassandra, you aren’t the harbinger of truth. You are just a guy that says things to bring attention to himself because he thinks his pop psychology will somehow validate his awfulness.
I found myself back in the neighborhood I grew up in, but everything was slightly twisted sideways/inside out. It was like when you revisit a place that you knew really well but like half the buildings had been taken down and new ones had been erected (<-heh) that didn't seem to quite belong.
I was trying to figure out what exactly had happened to my picturesque nightmare of a home town, when I was being chased. Like prior times I've had this dreams I can never see the face of my pursuer. There is always a shadow or a fog that seems to cover his face. It's really fucking scary. So there I was, dream me running for my life, again.
When I reached that moment of dream realization (dreamization?) where I'm like oh a'duh you dreamin' stupid. Unlike the cool cool coolio dream manipulating things that you can do, like fly n' things, I couldn't do any of that shit.
All I could do is wonder why I couldn't wake myself up. I did manage to wake up once I was safely sheltered in my dream best friends dream house not to be confused with the horror show that is Barbies Dreamhouse of broken dreams and bloody corpses. I climbed through my dream friends attic window, which he doesn't have in real life, and I was safe.
Well safe for the moment since I knew that he would find me. It's been, what? Like 3-4 years since I've had this dream, so maybe he'll find me again, like nightmares on phlegmstreet, spo0o0o0ky! So I woke up pissed because I wasn't able to, you know kick some dream ass.
And that was that. And this is this:
M – This. This is why not no one likes you. I don’t like you, L can’t stand you, G only tolerates you because he’s known you the longest. It’s because you are an asshole. Not one of those rakish assholes, nope. Just an asshole.
C – Because I don’t spout platitudes? Because I know that things might not end up O.K. and choose not to delude myself into thinking that they will?
M – You think that you’re doing everyone such a great service.
C – Aren’t I?
M – You have no filter, you have no regard for anyone’s feelings, anyone's.
G has been sitting, drinking his beer. Continues to watch.
M – You just say thing that are incredibly…ugh…stupid-
C – Why? Why is it stupid? I don’t like to sugar coat things because what’s the point? Isn’t the truth what everyone wants to hear? No. Obviously, not. People want to feel special, unique, like they can conquer anything. Not true. The truth isn’t beautiful; it’s dirty and hard and will sit on your chest torturing you. Immovable.
M – Listen Cassandra, you aren’t the harbinger of truth. You are just a guy that says things to bring attention to himself because he thinks his pop psychology will somehow validate his awfulness.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Each time the
Is it oxymoronic, or simply moronic to be an anxious Midwesterner?
Answer?
Both.
Coming from the land of wide open spaces, field and flat lands and so on, it was perfect breeding ground to be relaxed and confident, knowing your places in the wide open expanse.
Wrong, the agoraphobes yell, their voices muffled from with the confines of their homes.
My anxiety often knows no bounds like those waves of grain or whatever we had, (soy I think) or grammatical rules. To completely contradict myself, I guess going back to my wide open spaces opening (ßDixie Chicks song, sue me; I grew up in OHIO), I do tend to find some relief when I’m in those locations.
Still, as an anxious Midwesterner I was never able to find solidarity with my brood (is that even the right word? Sure why not) in Ohio. Thank goodness I was able to find comfort and understanding with my big city brethren. The tall buildings, narrow streets, mass of people and constant pace, lends itself perfectly to those riddled or at least vaguely annoyed by anxiety.
Instead of therapy, I have this. ….? Better then nothing?
At least I have the cool, not cold; nothing so hair-pullingly dramatic, comfort that these bouts of anxiousnessness come few and far between and are not so crippling that I have to lock myself in the bathroom in order to regain my composer, this isn’t college any more folks!
UGH…---^^^******
Answer?
Both.
Coming from the land of wide open spaces, field and flat lands and so on, it was perfect breeding ground to be relaxed and confident, knowing your places in the wide open expanse.
Wrong, the agoraphobes yell, their voices muffled from with the confines of their homes.
My anxiety often knows no bounds like those waves of grain or whatever we had, (soy I think) or grammatical rules. To completely contradict myself, I guess going back to my wide open spaces opening (ßDixie Chicks song, sue me; I grew up in OHIO), I do tend to find some relief when I’m in those locations.
Still, as an anxious Midwesterner I was never able to find solidarity with my brood (is that even the right word? Sure why not) in Ohio. Thank goodness I was able to find comfort and understanding with my big city brethren. The tall buildings, narrow streets, mass of people and constant pace, lends itself perfectly to those riddled or at least vaguely annoyed by anxiety.
Instead of therapy, I have this. ….? Better then nothing?
At least I have the cool, not cold; nothing so hair-pullingly dramatic, comfort that these bouts of anxiousnessness come few and far between and are not so crippling that I have to lock myself in the bathroom in order to regain my composer, this isn’t college any more folks!
UGH…---^^^******
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nothing ca
Shocking as I think this is I HAVEN’T BEEN RUNNING!
Crazy, I know.
With today’s severe lack of mindless drivel here I am adding my own lifeless listless something elseless contribution. This isn’t a flash in the pan but a thud thwunk in an iron skillet ready to be served in your local Denny’s.
G – So I’ve really decided to go for it. Commit. No more half-assing it. No one can stop me.
M – Yes, finally.
C – Hooray
M – Why do you have to be such a dick? Actually, why? This is good news.
C exits
M – DICK
G – He’s not a dick
M – uh yes. Yes, he is
G – He’s been going through this with me since forever. It’s not like he’s not supportive. He’s just…skeptical.
M – Who isn’t. Not like that I mean, you can be hopeful too. That this horrible thing will be over.
C enters with two beers tosses one to G
C – And now you’ll be fine! It’s not like this keeps happening because you want it to keep happening. If that were the case, we, in good conscious, would have locked you up tossed away the key and visited you every other Christmas. So don’t pull that shit that it’s somehow your fault that you haven’t been doing better; doing better from something you and your therapists and your doctors and your medications haven’t been able to handle for the past 13 or so odd years. It’s great that you’re re-committing but I just want you to know that no one here thinks that you’ve ever not been committed.
pause
And if anyone does think that they are a bitch named M
Crazy, I know.
With today’s severe lack of mindless drivel here I am adding my own lifeless listless something elseless contribution. This isn’t a flash in the pan but a thud thwunk in an iron skillet ready to be served in your local Denny’s.
G – So I’ve really decided to go for it. Commit. No more half-assing it. No one can stop me.
M – Yes, finally.
C – Hooray
M – Why do you have to be such a dick? Actually, why? This is good news.
C exits
M – DICK
G – He’s not a dick
M – uh yes. Yes, he is
G – He’s been going through this with me since forever. It’s not like he’s not supportive. He’s just…skeptical.
M – Who isn’t. Not like that I mean, you can be hopeful too. That this horrible thing will be over.
C enters with two beers tosses one to G
C – And now you’ll be fine! It’s not like this keeps happening because you want it to keep happening. If that were the case, we, in good conscious, would have locked you up tossed away the key and visited you every other Christmas. So don’t pull that shit that it’s somehow your fault that you haven’t been doing better; doing better from something you and your therapists and your doctors and your medications haven’t been able to handle for the past 13 or so odd years. It’s great that you’re re-committing but I just want you to know that no one here thinks that you’ve ever not been committed.
pause
And if anyone does think that they are a bitch named M
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
oh baby!
So apparently I only write in this thing-a-ma-jing either the day of or the day after a run! I’m usually at work! Don’t tell the boss (who’s the boss?)
Whatever!
Patterns! Nature finds away!
Welcome to
*pause*pause*pause*
JURASSIC MCCARREN PARK
I don’t even know anymore? !
SO I had a capital “G” Great weekend that only involved slight damage to my body.
Friday rolled around and a nurse friend of mine’s boifrienz had a big gay ole birfday partay.
And let me tell you something, it was…something!
Well let’s just put it all out there. I first had a few drinkz with my friend and his boyfriend and then I had a few drinks at the bday party and THEN I found myself on the train going home.
So unless I entered into a Lynchian fugue state, which is something I’ve not entirely dismissed. For all I know, I could completely changed my face and started a whole new life that I (first person I) has no idea!
Which is basically kind of what happened when you drink, right? You talk to people you normally would just look on from a distance, creepily admiring his nice beard.
Or d-d-d-dancing like you limbs were made only to move to the beat! Or even slurring out some truth bombs; I love you, you smell, what’s your name again nvm I could care less! Where was I? Oh yes, I DIDN’T enter a fugue state (..?) I DID just end up home it was….disturbing.
N E way that happened! Maybe.
On Saturday OMGEEZ rolled into town! OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo
We went to Pete’s Candy Shop, andletmetellyou what, they do NOT serve candy there.
Iiiif youKnowWhatImean
They serve alcohol.
But they also served conversation! We talked about the heat mostly. It was nice and hot and sticky my favorite types of weather. Maybe it’s genetics or some kinda of cultural memory, but give me Hot and Humid over Dry and Hot any mofo day.
So will my Caucasian pallies were steaming I was enjoying a cool beer, wearing my tank top and shorts. Oh, well I guess dressing like a S L U T doesn’t hurt either!
OMGeez was awesome and we talked about oh you know; our ultimate arrival to fame and (mis)fortune, our star studded life in the fringes of society.
Laters, we went to a dance party at some clurb and it was a soul, funk, Motown themed night. And we twisted, mash-potatoed, shucked, jived until we could see straight.
That kind of music/dancing best suits the heat. You can slow it down or speed it up and it feels good sweating to the music or feeling someone else body against your.
I ended up entering the dance competish and I’m not trying to say that I won it buuuuut
I didn’t win it.
I did twist my “A” off and got in the finals ya’ll.
So that’s an accomplishment?
I did have some boy say “You are definitely are going to win”
And then my heart melted and I asked him out on a date and he said, “Yes! Yes of course! I dreamed that you would ask! Once I saw you dancing I knew that you should be mine!”
Of course
I didn’t say anything to him I just nodded and did…oh thanks gesture and went on my way.
So I got to dance and it was nice to move and sweat and be hot.
Then I walked home tired but happy.
Then on Sunday I had some BURRRRRRRRRRITOS with Aubz, LK and V.smith. It was good. We also bought some make up.
And generally acted like precocious 13 year olds. All a titter, but with more cursing and A LOT more sexually explicit.
Like A LOT.
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