boom clap

First, can you believe that it's August?
Which means that the summer is almost over? Which means that soon I won't be able to wear shorts? and tank tops? That I won't be able to go to the beach? Which means I'll have been at my current job for a year? AND OTHER QUESTIONS?

This summer so far has been pretty good. Dumb when it need to be. Drunk when it needed to be (ie most of all of the time)

Sidenote: when is it eg? and when is it ie? or re? it's one of those things that I have never figured out and I don't want to because, you know...I'm not a nerd.
Like, who and whom, for instance, I'm just gonna use'em interchangably because that's how I roll, uninformedly (and grammatically incorrect or as I like to call it "grammatically creative").

I've avoided hearing the Katy Perry song in any clurbz. Which doesn't mean I haven't listened to the Katy Perry song. It's a self-flagellation (word of the day!) of the gayest kind.

And Wednesday I'm going to the beach and I'm going to try to be a happy lil human and enjoy my summer like so many high school dramas taught me to act.

I wish they all could

So I woke up around 12 cali-for-ni-a time and let me tell you something; it was awesome.

I'm sitting here in Aubz apty with her roomie writing in this ram-shamble of internet space.

I think I'm basically going to do a vacay round up and NOT right in this thing everyday like some kind of loser baby monkey man.

ASSTROOO BURGER was yummy and delicious and made my hert go boom ba-boom. But before that we took a drive up mullholland dr and saw all the pretty MANSIONS. then we went to a gay bar, in wich the night was called BIG FAT DICKS. Needless to say the bar was a lil trashy.

I woke up at 12! noon! that's 3! in real (NY TIME) then I walked around Melrose with D'smity (aubz roomie). It was basically like the scene It was basically like a scene from my most deepest fantasy. The fact that waking up at noon is a fantasy of mine, is something i have to live with everyday and I've learned to accept that.

I went shopping (gaycation shopping is the most dangerous type of shopping there is) and I bought several items one of them (my most favie baby one of them) being a gold necklace with a gold feather pendent.

YES AND YES.

Went to silverlake and had some margz w/some laydyayz. It was all pseudo-real housewives, but with the obvious and much need black lezbot.

Then we went to Griffith Park Observatory, of Rebel Without a Cause fame and I say the creeeepy bust of james. It was hellza weirrrrrd. Oh and we saw some russian tourist taking "classy" pictures of themselves. Not to seem xena(warriorprincess)phobic on ya'll but the russian tourist don't get what classy is I think. They have a vague idea but it always goes terribly wrong and earnestly slutty.

Then we met with some ca-li-fornia gayz and had some drankz. But srsly california gays are really touchy feely. I was a little put off by that. I'm like, i only touch you if I've known you for more than 1 year and/or am trying to sleep with you. Known of which applied to any o' dees gays. OR DID IT? it didn't.

BTW I was mistaken for Wilson cruz (don’t know who that is) El Oh El?

Today the ole gang, I almost typed the ole gayng (<--still valid) and I went to beach and sunned and frolicked. I got to see Malibu which was nice and I got to see the Pacific ocean which just felt so large and I got to wear my tiny swimsuit, which come on is every gays perfect day, amirite? After practicing being mermaids and wearing MATCHING swimsuits –slash- something that will here to forth be labeled “beach underwear” ???? yes!

We went homo. Watched a movie took a lil nap and went out d-d-d-dancing.

Well Aubz n I did D’smity stayed home.

We want to this thing called Cherry Pop or Popstars or Super Cherrypop, I’m not sure but it sounded thuper faggy, which I like. Another thang that I like? We got in for freezers. We got stuffed into freezers and carted in the back way. Right before we were going to be locked in we stuck out our arm and emerged ready to go out it. Or we ran into some rando and she had 2 other plus ones, which I guess in her sitch would be plus 3’s.

We were right behind her n’ her boifrienz and the woman at the door was like “are these your friends?” and she was all “…s…suuuuuuuuuuree, yeah, yes they are my friends, why not.” So we got special bracelets that woulda let us hang out with Kimberly Locke (who ever the fuck that is) but instead we didn’t and just danced.

THE MUSIC WAS ON POINT THE ENTIRE NIGHT. En Vogue, TLC, Maria, Brandy, Madonna, Robyn, Lady Gagz, CAN WE SAY GAY? Yes yes we can because we are.

We danced for a solid 2/2:30 hours.

sidenote: just saw someone with an Oberlin sweatshirt. We are a geeky bunch.

BTW I saw Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (lol)

Back to the story, Aubz and I were supposed to meet up with a friend and we did but he is what I’d like to call a searcher. Flitting from group to group scoping the scene for someone to take him home. He was sweet, just preoccupied. So we left him to his own devices and went home.


Oh I’m sorry, I left our the most important part. We go slurpees at the 7/11 before we went home.

Sunday, we woke begrudgingly early and went to the farmers market and gorged our self on free fruit/cheese/bread samples. It was amazing. And worth it. I also drank some sweet sweet lime-ade. Uuuuugh. Took a pill good time all the time.

Oh, and number two? PUG PUPPIES.

Afters, we went to Amoeba and got some records amd apparently I was singing something or another and I made a stranger uncomfortable! Hooray.

We then watched an amazing movie. It was amazing and a movie. We ended the day perfectly by eating pizza and watching Independence Day, welcome to Earth indeed.

Monday, yesterday I guess, D’smity and I went to Aubz place of work talked some smack and got lunch. Then we finshed my roll of film got donuts and simply enjoyed each others company.

Almost 5 days and I didn’t get a picture of a single landmark.

SUCCESS

California Love

I’m going going back back to Cali Cali. I’m sitting in the ole hunk of metal and fuel jet-setting (where are my white thigh high go-go boots!?) my way to Californie to visit my friend Aubz. It’s been aaaaages, (like a month or something) since I’ve last seen her. It would be more climactic id she hadn’t already visited New Jerk City. Thanks a lot aubz, thanks for making this reunion all the less special.

I’m my flight to Chicago, since I can’t afford a direct flight, even when I bought my ticket like 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE, I was stuck beside a very presumptuous (<- who knew it was spelled like that! I didn’t!) women that asked my to hold her coffee for her. Well less of a request and more of a shoving a coffee cup into my paw and saying “hold this.” Well sure. I’ve been raised a polite Midwesterner, also I didn’t want scalding coffee to get all up on my lap. No sir and or ma’am that isn’t my cup o’tea. Sure if she had asked nicely or at all I woulda gladly said yes! I have nothing against small requests especially if we are going to be crammed into this glorified air bus.

A little later when the flight attendant was passin’ by with some snackies the woman beside me was takin’ a lil nap. After the attendant had passed, the woman roused and saw that I was enjoying my delicious, free airline snack, with my headphones in BEE TEA DOUBLE-U, proceeds to poke me and say “can you get me mine?” This woman as far as I can tell is perfectly healthy, robust even! So I just look over at her, I guess slightly incredulously, because come on, getcha own snack boo. She then amends her request, “can you get her attention so I can get my snack?” The flight attendant was already coming over, the woman beside me was wasting much need attention grabbing energy with me that should have been unleashed toward the attendant. She’s got the power of the cheese crackers and peanuts, not me friends, most certainly not me. So I simply raised my hand, when the attendant was passing and gestured toward my aisle companion.

I’m not complaining I barely did anything, I raised my hand and held a cup.

I’ve done more for less? I don’t even know if that’s true.

But wherever you my presumptuous flight friend, you’re welcome and thank you for teaching me the spelling of the word presumptuous.

California here we come!

What a day and stupid motherfucking day to be my last day of work before my gaycavtion! That’s a vacation for gay people! See! I can be just as dumb as The Wall Street Journal !

It’s dreary, rainy, doubleshift kinda stupid day. SUCK IT

But for real ya’lls I’m going to California tomorrow. There are several things I’ve been doing to prepare. Several!

There are 4 songs that I’ve been listening to in order to get totally ready bro! They all have either California or L.A in them. Shut up; I’m lazy. PLUS dumb. I’m lazy and dumb.

Lets cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck them out?

California Girls by the Magnetic Fields, because…duh. Who doesn’t hate California laydays! They are shallow, materialistic…basically everything I am because I’m a ‘Merica BUT they have the added bonus of being in a sunny climate. This is why I hate California Girls!


California Girls by the Beach Boys, curz at the same time Cali girls are big ole slut bags so what’s NOT to love?.......! These boys just love going to the beach and makin’ music. The one offensive is the line about Midwest Girls. They don’t know how to make you feel good. That’s why I’m gay. CLASSIC


Ode to L.A. by The Ravenoettes. Who doesn’t want to just get the eff out of wherever they are and go to a place in which the American Mythos has created to be full of sun, beautiful people, glamour and something else…botox, I think. To see how the other coast lives. To possibly (most likely) get annoyed by those sun-dappled assholes. Get a salad or something, I don’t know what they eat over there.


In California by Joanna Newsom because I’m kind of a sentimental hippie at heart. Seriously! If you chip away at the pretension and idiocy, I’ma flower child wishing only peace and love and the crossing of borders (unless you’re an illegal DUH ;( ) and the reconnecting of people and exploration of things that you don’t know and have never seen.


I’ve also been watching non stop Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Squeeeeeeeeee! To get ready to get my self thrown into the hellmouth.

WOOOLF HOOOOOWL Dananana-dananana (guitar riff) buffy song.


I'm out!

Things change but they're still the same

This seem a good a time as any to talk about M(m).I(i).A(a).’s MIA’s new album appropriately (?) titled /\/\/\Y/\ (<-- get it? That’s her name! in idiot). So right off the bat I think she was trying to create an alienating affect (<-- I meant what I said) with the album name. It’s virtually ungoogle-able and looks like a hodge-podge of rando-puter speak but surprise, it’s her name! MAYA using front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash-front slash-back slash capital “y”- front slash-back slash. And yes I did need to explain that just to bring that little piece of annoyance I have with the album to the forefront. Honestly besides making it unsearchable I don’t know why she did it? To look unique or maybe she was high, with baby ikhid on her arms or however you spell that. TO THE MUSIC

I’ve been listening to /\/\/\Y/\ non stop for about 4 days. I listened to it 2-3 times in a row when I got it.

It was/is good.

The beginning track “The Message” calls back to the Arular era of M.I.A., politicized statement with the play on a kids song “connected the google; connected to the gvt” indeed! Her sometimes insightful, sometimes insane, sometimes inane commentary works best musically. Is it the beat? Duh. She’s articulate in her music in a way that doesn’t come off sounding just…frustratingly dumb and un-nuanced, with the beat and the occasionally clever turn of phrase she is able to at least not sound kinda, ridiculous IRL.

One of my favorite tracks is “Steppin’ Up.” I think because it shows what M.I.A. can sound like when she is working with what sounded the most successful before. It has a rough beat using the noiserock scheme and applying it with dancehall/hip-hop sensibilities. The same can be said about "XXXO" with it's slightly clearer beats as well as "Teqkilla." Although at times some of the lyrics can be lost in the over powering beats. Which, honestly the lyrics and the beat are the reasons we listen to MIA, no? One gem in "Teqkilla," is "I got iky iky wiky sticky weeee(d?); shot of tequila in me" I sincerely hope she rolled in her love for her son, her weed and her booze all in one glorious and catchy hook. These are the most extremely dancable tracks. It' MIA the way we remember her, more mature and a little more adventurous with her beats and samples.

In "Lovalot" and "Story to be Told" MIA heads to more of her rapping/spoken word. Will not to terrible innovative it is catchy none-the-less. The beginning of "Story to be Told" can be a but grating as if the track was too simple at first so they just kept adding more on. It doesn't become more interesting, it just becomes muddy and a lil weird ya'll. "Lovalot" is reminiscent of "Bambo Banger" in Kala to the point of being confused for it, while not bad, just seems out of place in an album whose sound has grown a lot from her previous LP's. So it's isn't ole skool ya'll it's just kinda done n done.

The next tracks though not in order chronologically on the album are all stylistically similar. "It Takes a Muscle," "It Iz What It Iz," "Tell Me Why," "Space." Here MIA is playing with the new all the rage chillwave. It's basically music you can listen to when it's 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning, your wasted, finally just relaxing/coming down/getting high and you can just do a slow jamz with it. At of all the four listed "It Iz What it Iz" is the least successful. It's not nuanced and all redundant, nothing interesting, it's filler at it's worst. The rest are all good. I guess, not spectacular but apt. "Tell Me Why" of the chillwave is the most memorable and worthy of listening on repeat.

"Born Free" and "Meds and Feds" are...a disappointment. MIA, trying to expand her sound to include some drum driven rock beats just sounds, harried. It's not worth listening to, kinda? It sounds like a rehashing of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs or Le Tigre. Just been done.

Most of the lyrics deal with Ms. Maya's dealing with her new place in the world. It comes in conflict with MIA's dual identity; clinging to her war torn past (THIRD WORLD DEMOCRACY), but embracing the hip-hop/rap aesthetic of swagger, while ACTUALLY being super-duper rich because of who she married and what she married into. So there are times when the lyrics come off a little whiny and other where it seems her confusion does play it in her music and lyrics.

So all in all. It's good listen. Not a great listen, nothing revolutionary or groundbreaking, which is what MIA is always trying to do. It doesn't really do that. She does expand her sound some with mixed results.


So listen and enjoy for what it is and only be a little disappointed at what it tries to be.



Or not! Who am I to tell you what to listen to! Just some jerk!

it's my heart not me

I'm a sleepy sally today.

K and T (hello! thanks! please, enjoy! no no no, this one's on me!) can attest that.

I was thinking about all the horrible movies I promised I would treat myself to.

Movies like, Sex in the City 2: Operation Desert Sandblast Facelift or Twilight Eclipse: The Hunt for Vadge October.

I don't know. If these are the movies that er'body went midnight screening crazy over why not watch them!

Here's why, because they would probably make any sane person gladly claw out their eyes.
But
BUT the absolute genius that are these cinematic gems is that they have the endless potential for unintentional hilariousness. Like when some gets hit with a ball or when you see toolbags on skateboards fall and hurt themselves.

IT'S MAJOR LULZTIMEZ,

So I guess it's kind of hipsterish, my desire to watch these movies.....? Or my desire to be a part of mainstream pop culture yet simultaneously be a part from it. I dunno!

Either way I do want to watch THIS MOVIE:





So, how'd you like it? Thanks for coming. Oh and say hi to the kids for me, they grow up so fast don't they? I can't believe little Susy graduated and is starting Smith in the fall. And I'm sure Drew will find his footing; he's always been a free spirit.

Oh and hey I'll make some of my famous polenta in the future, I know how much you enjoyed it that last time. I just haven't had the time! so so so busy! Well thanks again!

Oh and next you come around, do you mind wiping your feet? There's shit all over my new rug.