in my mind

CHICAGO

I’ve been putting off starting this whole blizzog (blizzard blog?) post, for I think, the OBVIOUS reason, that I can’t be funny about Ch-ch-ch-chicago. At least not in the same way that I can be funny about any other shit town in the ole U-S of A. I guess because this city still has a lot of sentimental value for me. It was the city I started being a real live HU-MAN.

So yes, my feelings are a little more earnest when it comes to this, the windiest of cities. On the other hand FUCK IT

Right?

I got off at O’Hare and thought, why is this aeropuerto so big? And why is ey’body so fat? And I thought oh yes a’course it’s the mid-motherfuckin-west baby!

So I took the trusty (?) blue line to Logan Sq where I am and will be currently staying for the duration.

I called my friend Yas, and was all like, “hey gurl how you livin’ where ya apty at?” or something along those lines. She gave me her directions and thinking I was “all that and a bag of chips” I though oh hell yeah I know this city. In reality I’ve never spent that much time in Logan Sq and even when I did live here I constantly google mapped everywhere and was lost pretty much 70-80 percent of the time. So I walked the opposite direction for a good 3 blocks and turned myself around and I made it! I made it the place I was staying.

No police had to be called, no dogs let loose, no search parties sent out endlessly searching for the body that will never be found because the meat has been scavenged, the bones picked clean and long since buried. No! None of that happened.

But I made it. I set my shit down and said look world! Look Chicago! Here I am.

I situated myself and soon was out the door with Yas enjoying the fresh Midwestern air, the ample streets, the trees along the side walk; the trees! So many trees! And not all designated to parks!
We got Thai and then we ate brownies that had a little somethin’ extra…nuts! Walnuts! We had brownies with some of her friendies from school and grrrrrrrrrrl dem brown were güd.

I then met up with my ole roomie Jax and had a heartfelt hug and talked about life over a beer…then…we watched South Park with her boyfriend and boyfriends brother. Slow down! So crazay!


After the pleasantries, reminiscing and a good night sleep Jax, BBS, his bro and I got our BURGER ON. We went to Kumas Corner, Kumas Korner? whatever. It’s this kinda famous burger place in here in Chicago and I had the most delicious burga evah. NOM NOMNOM. It had a fried egg, bacon and cheddar. UUUUUUuuuuuuuugh things that make you mmm things that make you go mmm-mm-mmm.

Needless to say, we had lunch at noon and I was full until about the next day.

That didn’t stop me from going to eat some good Indian food on Devon. It was *kissy hand motion that the French make when they talk about food, delectable. Dinner was with a couple of friends that I hadn’t seen since they last visited New York. It was great to see them and be able to have a conversation with them even though for all purposes we hadn’t seen each other in a little over a year. And even then we never really talked talked.

But it was way the hell on the NorthSide took my like 4evaz to get there and back.

The next morning I took another trip to the Northside.

BUT FIRST

I walked to Wicker Park and went to a bookstore that was pretty great. Old and musty (just like I likes’em). Then headed up.

Yas and I got Vietnamese sammichez. For crazy cheap; three fitty for sammie!

Then we walked around boiztowne. Passed the bathouse and thought hey you! Wink wink wink…I’ve never went in it though…what? Me? Psshaw. Never…

Actually never.

Then we went to the Whole Foods where I eat a slice of pizza. Only 1 ½ hours after I had a sammich. Food and weight don’t matter on vacation just like money and alcohol. It’s a thing. You know the vacation warp. We trucked up back to the apt. Had a few beerz and made some cookies up in the bitch!

Chocolate chip and chocolate chip and cranberry. AAAAAwwww yeah.

Another productive day this time with culture on all fronts.

Full frontal

On this explicitly adult day I went with M. Scott and a painter friend of his to The Art Institute of Chicago Museum.

We went to the only worth while part of the museo according to my artbro friend, the modern wing.

The one piece that really got to me was the Felix Gonzalez-Torres candy piece.

The premise of the piece is that, there is a space that is designated with different candies; the weight of the candies equal to the weight of his lover that passed away due to AIDS (heavy I know). As the day passes observers are welcome to take the candies ultimately changing the weight, which is replenished each day.

It’s a bittersweet piece. The observer eating the candy is essentially consuming the artists lover and the lover is revitalized each day. On the flip-side each day the lover wastes away diminishing in weight as he did when the artist lost him. It’s sad and beautiful and inspiring.

It isn’t dreary or tragic but essentially, Gonzalez-Torres is paying homage to his lover’s passing and giving him continual life.

Ooooh this just turned into art motherfuckin’ hstry ya’llz

It was good.

Saw some other art fart that was good but that was the highlight for me.

On the other cultural side, I watched Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Surprise! I’ve never seen this movie.

Harrison Ford is hot.

That is all.

Beach day fun day.

Went to the gay beach, wore my slightly more modest bathing suit (it is the Midwest HELL-O), dipped into Lake Michigan and lay in the sun, as I am want to do.

And then for the main event. I had dinner with Theo and we went to THE HOPLEAF or heaven in my mouth. Nonsexy heaven. I had the CB&J sammich.

CASHEW BUTTER
FIG JAM
STETSON CHEESE
GRILLED

You heard me. (I, I just died in your arms tonight)

Obvioulsy delicious Belgian Beerz and then some wine to tap it all off.

Oh we saw a babay possum at the wine place after I had my sanish.

My God that was a good sandwich. It lived up to memory, which very few things can. The gooey cheese and the perfect ratio of jam to cashew butter…SO GOOD

UUUUUGHHH

Oops sorry bout that, let my just, wipe…this…up and we can continue.

Then I came home and watched Friday with Jax and we decided that Ice Cube was a hottie and we would smoke with him any day. WINK

Oh and I’ve been making a shit ton of blingeez.

I got my tourist on, on Thursday.

But first I had a delicious non-touristy brunch with Jax and Yas, at Lula Café. NOM NOM French toast and a bloody mary, no better way to start the day. amirite?

THEN I got my tourist on. I went to Millennium Park, took a picture of water fountain block things or whatever, the bean and the Frank Gehry auditorium. ALL ALONE

Frown

Pssh whatever who needs friends to share experiences and memories and special moments.

I sure…don’t.

This trip so far has been about reliving , revisting, re-eating, re-drinking (sure why not that makes sense, right? Sure!) my experience while I lived here a year or so ago in Chicago.

Today was about, I guess, new things…? I don’t know something about doing things that I’ve never done before in Chicago.

Like getting drunk and dancing, oh OOPS done that.

And my time here ends in a bangy whisper or something.

SUCK IT NERDS I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY.


Build your own Blingee

I fell

Chicago, or Chicken cargo as no one calls it ever, here I come!

So I stupidly got a car service to take me to JFK airport…so so dumb.

Because I’m just much too lazy to take the train then another train then another train or a bus to get to the airport.
Because I’d rather wait till the last minute to pack up my things.

Because my roomiee had a bday and we had to celebrate starting at 12 o’clock in the afternoon starting with BRUNCH at a French restaurant with beer and bloodies. And then because my roommate likes the fancy things in life I bought a couple of bottles of 11 dollar champagne!

KNOCK KNOCK who’s there? MR. MOTHERFUCKIN FANCY CLASS THAT’S WHO.

So we knocked those two back because why not? What did our livers ever do for us?

A lot.

Then our bestie friendie barkin came to our apartment. More wine. Then we went to some bougie cocktail place and had one bougie cock-tale each. Then we had some AMAZING Japanese fusion food. Listen I’m not a foodie, I hate the term and I hate those people BUT guuuuuuuuurl it was GOOOOD.

After we feasted like kings are at least like dukes, at the very very least earls…?

We went to some other semi-bougie cocktail place, then of course we ended up at Metropolitan the local homosexual watering hole.
Oh god I was about to make a disgusting play on words…Well not really play on words more like a rearrangement of words. Let’s just say it was along the lines of homosexuals watering their holes. (< --- see? no good, not at all).


Where was I? Ah, yes, so I dumbly paid monayz to get here but whatever. I’m in the plane truckin’ to Chicago. And that is all that matters.

PLUS

Jet motherfuckin’ Blue has MTV; hello Jersey Shore™

Embarrassing!

FYI

chicago is nothing like this



soon though, soon the wheels while turn again and we'll be back to where it started

i'm breaking my

Is this going to be an ongoing thing?

It's saturday! Once again! I'm at work! exclamation pointzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, more like

SEXclamation points?

I had a bit of a celebration last night. (SEXlebration? )I think I'm just going to randomly insert sex in words. And that friends is how a trend is started (sextarted) <- that could be two werdz!

Where was I? Yes. I had a bit of a celebration last night. And by bit I mean a lot of a celebration. becuarz I gots myself a new JOB. Still at my same place of employ but with a new job! No more SEXcretary work for me! No sir, no thank you ma'am, I'll be just fine.

So I was out at the clurb gettin' my drankz on! And then flashforward I was at home eating chicken nuggets.

Somethings are lost and can never be reclaimed. There are moments that are left or forgotten. These are the times that you can only regret because you can never remember. If a tree falls in the woods who's gonna pick up the remains of the body that the tree fell on? Things sextinue.

This thing rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally got away from me!

So yes; new job, finishing up present job, go me.


And did I mention 3 day weekends? I mean sexkends?

I REPLACED WEE WITH SEX

chunk of thrown coal

I opened this up and realized I have NOTHING to say.

So I'll do what, I usually do; hurl things against the wall and hope that it sticks!

That's productive right? That won't make for cringe-worthy writing? Duh, of course it won't this is America ifffffffffffffffffff you hadn't noticed. We do what we want, when we want, with the most minimal talent required. Ugh "talent." psssh "ability," fancy 5 dollar words, that most certainly mean nothing, other than...you have skills and like talent n'stuff. Whatever!

And when I said I had nothing to post was before I found THIS:





O_o

and i will be your deary

What does it mean when you're late to your first therapy session because you simply forgot your insurance card and had to, had to, had to run back home to get it. KNOWING that it takes about 30 minutes to get to your apt and back to the office.

WAS I SABOTAGING MYSELF?

Short answer is no. Long answer is still no.

I just forgot my G.D. ins. card because I haven't been using my wallet because my wallet is a sticky piece of shit.

I've joined the ranks of the endlessly neurotic seeking introspective help.


or something! feelings! They're weird!

So it was new and different but also nice. The therapist talked just enough to get me talking more. There was a whole lot of talking and it wasn't all gobbledy-gook (<---the sounds kinda racist?)!

So that's that. If things ever get TOO REAL, which presumably they will, since I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that's what therapy is all about. I'm probably not going to talk about it in this mofo.


there. i'm seeing a psychotherapist and now we wait *twiddles thumbs

To friends

I hate the fact that even though i made the obvious WEEKEND tag this is in fact not my weekend. This isn't even the squeakend, you know? No chipmunks runnin' round here. It's just another work day.
I'm here.
I'm queer.
And I'm a lil over it.

I didn't like the phrase "over it" for a long time. I thought it added a dismissive quality to the situation that the speaker was in, that, instead of placing them in the dominate position, the speaker was letting themselves become passive in whatever they (the speaker) was either over or under. And then I thought to myself, "Why the fuck am I think about this, I'm over it!" Then it clicked, like so many finger snapping drag queens. I knew. When you become "over" something/someone/some situation, not only do you negate it's dominance, you also in turn regard it with such disdain that the mere thought of it will make you physical sick, so you choose not to think about it anymore.

Just me? Whatever *eye roll


AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING SEXTRA:


C- Oh hey It’s L! Beer? Let me go get you…

L- party still going on?

As C exits

C- did it ever stop!

M- Will it?

L – will…?

M – C ever stop being his charming self?

L – Very/ little chance of that

G – /Oh please at least/ he’s entertaining

L – Entertaining is certainly a word for it.

M – Yeah, bullfighting is also entertaining

L – Not if you’re the bull.

M – Not if you’re the bullfighter

L – Matador

G – It’s a spectacle

L – Where’s that beer? Spectacle?

G – yeah the crowd; excitement

M – Blood

L - -Gore

M – Mauling’s

G – Did you check behind?

Off

C – Found it!

C enters with beer hands it to L

M - -About time, what took you so long?

L – Just…I went through this day and I didn’t know what time it was. Didn’t even look-ask. Walked around...not sure if I did anything. Met up with this…eh he was charming and yeah. Sorry I’m late.

C – The nice outfits; all sparkley n’shit

G – It’s traditional…not sure why

M – Charming….name?...initial?

L – What’d I miss?

C- I was just—

G – instigating

M – Being an asshole –

C – Broken record

L – Having fun I see

M – C was regaling us with wisdom he picked up some 10 or so years ago back while he was playing games in some class. Psychology, Sociology? God knows, C surely doesn’t…

C – Just because I touched a nerve.

L – Not hard

G – Thank you

M – Of course it’s not hard when you try so much.

C – You call that trying?

G/L//C – Please!

G – It is. I know it is…Not trying is just vaguely…it’s just a vague sense of being vaguely annoying

Beat

L – Charming; outgoing to the point of almost being…overwhelming

M – But not, right?

L – No, I mean yeah, right.

C – So you met someone, who isn’t an asshole.

L – Yeah I guess I did.