Previously On

Weeds, is one of those shows that slowly drags you in like quicksand or the prospect of meeting an old boy/girlfriend. Much as you struggle to escape it's easier to just slowly get pulled in. Right?

Right.

Nancy and Andy are waiting in waiting room, it's seems as if the past four episodes have been Nancy and Andy waiting in a waiting room. Waiting for love, for escape, for death, for Godot. While, Nancy get's all uppity white privileged lady (nitrates! heaven forbid!) on a some grrl about to get hovered (thank you Andy), Andy is doing what Andy does best being a payaso...science. Yet, in his inner/outer monoramblings the seeds of ill-fated plan come to bloom.

Nancy finally get's some lady2lady time with Alanis Morrisette, I mean her gyno. Alanis does a really good job in this lil' scene. It wasn't all....I'm alanis morissette.....look at me, tryin' to act. It was oh I'm an gyno, i like pancakes, you can trust me. And trust Nancy needs some laday frienz, even if she has to pay to get them. Nancy leaves feeling somewhat rejuvinated in that not at all kinda way, finding her salvation (at least olfactory) in herbs. While Andy, like most clown/jester, will seemingly spouting nonsense is trying to give her some semblance of wisdom, abort the gopher and head to Copenhagen. (I have a friend whose mom is from Denmark, and i would head to Copenhagen in a second. Skoll! or however you spell that) But like a good and scared mommy she is, she'll stick to the herbs. Gophers be damned!

Shane and Isabelle, are doing what teens/tweens(?) do best, getting angry at the world and fucking shit up. Srsly, we've all been there, am I right? That's why it's so embarrassing to watch/enjoyable to watch since at least Shane as some real issues; dead dad, drug dealing mom, mexican mafia, some asshole ginger jacked his weeds; check, check and double check. But luckily(?) he has a Ignacio, the foxy, in a dangerous crazy way, bodyguard. Not to be all creepster on ya'll but Ignacio is kinda hot? Whatever he has a charming smile. Even when (especially when?) he's shooting that gun freakin' er'body out and givin the kids hope for justice. Old school eye for an eye justice that tweens love.

Meanwhile in the batcave, Nancy finds the Joker, I mean Celia hiding between the manure and the Coldspot. That's where I left her! As Nancy freaks out and Celia begs and threatens in that self-depricating/aggressive way, you know how she do. Nancy out of the goodness of her heart(maybe it's the Mexican baby growing insider her)/not needing to deal with this shit, let's her stay. But soon our Celia, our precious Celia, soon discovers DEAD MEXICAN. I always knew that Celia was a big ole racist, but it's still endearing? And to be completely truthful this show has done nothing to dispell any mexican stereotypes. (I'm pulling for Ignacio to do that, fingers crossed!) Nancy lickity-split rings up daddy mexi-bucks(it' not racist if i'm latino, right?...right?) aka Esteban. To handle it.

Handling their own bizznazz is Botwen and Hodes, (I smell spinoff! a la Laverne and Shirley but with drugs and ass-kicking). They bust in on Ginger being incredibly lame playing his theremin along to smooth jazz, something he undoubtedly does every Tuesday after he get's stoned, Wednesday and Thursday is reserved So You Think You Can Dance, (the costumes the music! what's not to love, right?) After some quips by Ginger and bravado from Botwen/Hodes, enter Ignacio with a powerful kidney punch, (so hawt rite?), and Ginger is down! Botwen/Hodes give teach. a lil lesson of there own, where they humilate him, steal his shit (zune! that's how lame he is, a fucking zune.), and kill his bird (heh). Pobresito Ignacio was visibly shaken, (so adorable).

Visibly shaken, as anyone should be when going on a date with crazy in order to get your hands on money that isn't yours was Andy. El payaso, has found himself in a role playing date. With a Mage. This sad women only has one dream one fantasy; fucking Judah. Fucking Judah forever and ever, well at least in between WOW. One get's the feeling that she thinks that if Judah stayed with her she'd be able to cope with the real world. Sorry sweety, once a gaming nerd always a gaming nerd (ain't nothing wrong with it). Mage, having spent most her time in an imaginary world finally gets the chance to live out a real life imaginary scenario! Does that make sense? sure! Getting to fuck Judah one more time, even if it is only with his gay brother. But her imagination/lunacy being strong enough, she was even able to make a hobo ridden pier (complete with shitting, crotch scratching, coughing possible vomiting) the perfect "lovemaking" spot. Andy visibly gagging, thinking about copenhagen, nancy, and probably the fact the "fuck judah, he's dead and look at me! I'm taking care of this family/nancy," goes through with it.

Back at chez Botwen, everything Nancy holds dear is falling apart. Botwen, Hodes and 'Nacio are enjoying the fruit of their labor. Nancy, peeved and wide-eyed, as she will, said something something right and wrong, (seriously? srsly.), Ignacio bless his him kinda put her in her place, not in a misogynistic way but in the, I'm going to tell you the truth b/c you've been lying to yourself long enough kinda way. Shane was happy, Nancy was pissed and Isabelle was just grateful to be with a family that wasn't hers. Nancy dragged Shane to give the shit back to Ginger. Then Nancy goes all bad-ass when Ging' tries to give her son an F. (An F? that could keep him from getting to a good school!) Anyway Nancy, finally having power over someone weaker and more vulnerable, relishes the moment and does some great baseball bat choking and wisdom giving. How she misses season 1! then peaces.

Having returned home Nancy finds Celia happy as a clam, with her blackmailing photos of Sucio being decomposed with acid in Nancy's garage. Check and mate you cunt! Celia thought. I'll get my Ikea! And with that Nancy is stuck with Celia and her toxicity, (where's alanis, nancy is thinking where is my layday frien). More bad news. All her herbs n shit are dead. Yes, Nancy no matter how hard you try Renmar is poison. Good thing you moved there! Andy on the other hand is trying to forget the dirty dirty dirty things that he was forced to do and remember that it was all for Nancy, (it's all for you Damien, all for you). His finally plea, go go go! Van Nuys Copenhagen anywhere. Nancy is too self-involved Armegedon on me! Thank G, Andy finally finally told her it's you, you do this. And Nancy shuts down. Andy once more pleas, break it off with Esteban, a note, a letter and Ambien, all things that will buy them time. But Nancy in her world already has another plan. Goodbye Andy, your crazy fucking and viewing of hobo diarrhea was all for naught. Sucks to be you.

So Nancy and Shane are off to join Esteban. Andy are Celia are now living in house together. Fuck.

Oh and Silas an Doug had their own plot line. The only thing that matters is that Doug is like a Shakespearean clown that continues to fuck everyone over and poor Silas has the (un)fortunate luck of being blonde. But they have a cute moment, after Doug screwed things with the pot agent, (samuri's had to be brought in) where Silas punched Doug in the face! (flashes of momma) then they have a good cry. Because well Doug is a replacement for Judah and Silas is a replacement for Josh. So hopefully their plot will get less boring.

The End.