We Don't Need No Stinkin' School

Oye chico, son 6 méses, y now Sra. Botwin es living with Esteban. Yup.

We find the newly formed Reyes-Botwin, or would it be Botwin-Reyes? couple in the huge-ass bathroom. A visibly pregnant Nancy is taking a shower, and Esteban is reading a baby naming book, "What NOT to name your baby." Almost everything, down to the literature, about this baby is negative, this child, if he makes it, is going to need some serious therapy.
There's a kind of ease and comfort to their relationship, that, I assume, one can only get from living under the same roof in relative happiness for 6 months. They even cuddle!...With Esteban naked...? Sure, whatever works.

And now Nancy is engaged! Why not! Anything that will keep her tied to Esteban, keep her tied to life, she's willing to do. Not only for her own safety but also to have something over anyone really, she needs to feel power, especially when she is in a powerless situation; all her well-being depending on Esteban. She tries to bring the news to shame, I mean Shane, (who was conceived when Ms. Botwin was hammered btw, oh the joys of motherly revelations!). Pero, sorpresa, Shane cool as a cucumber, drinkin' his cafesito, is all, "duurh mom, Esteban and I totes had that convo". Oh teens, will you ever cease to be precocious? Oh lawd even Mr. Dreamy Ignacio knew. Maybe next time Nance.

Off Shane and Ignacio go to school. Psych! Off they go to the streets to get some real education. While Nancy is left to ponder, breaking the news of the engagement to El Andy.

Feeling equally powerless is blonde beauty Silas. Having to deal with a douchebag cop that, according to a school friend, is mildly retarded, (I'm beginning to agree), that is hanging around the shop much too much. Wanting to get "faded." Ugh, the only reason he became a cop was because he was too annoying to get invited to any parties so he decided, "if I become a cop, I'll have to get friends, especially if they don't want their parties busted." Smart?

Andy, Andy with a full beard and a lil, (substantionally, he was a thin guy!), more belly then when we left him. Remember the super adorbz outfit he had like 2 episodes ago when he was tryin' to be all sporty spice? Controlling the only woman in his life right now: Ms. Pacman. Ms. Pacman won't break up with Andy in a note and runoff to her Mexican druglord/Mayor/baby-daddy; Ms. Pacman won't force Andy to fuck her while a thousand hobos watch them; Ms. Pacman just wants to eat ghosts, and right now, that's all Andy wants to do as well. So Andy wasted all his money on toys, because if he had kept it, he would have been reminded how much he failed to get Nancy.
But guess which ghost won't stay buried? That's right! Nancy.

Before we can get to that! Isabelle is stuck with the disgusting job of giving Doug the cheapest, fakest tan; worthy of New Jersey. Isabelle somehow keeps whatever she might have in her stomach down, I think it was mostly through the power of snark. There are moments when you see flashes of both Celia and Nancy in Isabelle, understandably since they are, God help her, the biggest role models she has. Are you there God it's me Isabelle. After sassin' her momma's lazy ass to walk to the bus stop to get to work in the mall, Hodes goes back a'sprayin'.

Now for your main event. Andy, lost in his the arms of Ms. Pacman get's a phone call from she-who-must-not-be-named. Ignoring her like he has been for the past 6 months he let's it ring. But of course with news like this Hurricane Nancy will not be stopped. Like gale force winds in swoops Nancy into her old haunt. Andy ignores her. Nancy monologues about how he hasn't been there for her, srsly? Nance, you left him, dumping him with the dumping plan he came up with. So I'm glad he ignored for as long as a did. This once again felt Nancy probably feeling a lil powerless. Didn't even need to tell Shane, Ignacio, fuck even Silas and now, well her lil puppy El Andy has grown a beard and didn't give you the reaction you expected. So off she goes.
What saw you El Andy?
Fuck.

Doug is talking about how George Hamilton screwed his step-mom, lives off his rich friends and is basically boss in every way and that gave him the idea to stand up to the idiot cop and kick him outa the store. But Idi-cop tried to hit him, swing an' a miss! and down goes tubby and boom! knocked out thanks to the counter. Well, fuck. Silas, your local clown just screwed you like G-Ham screwed his step-mom.

In prison, Nancy finally gets what she wants. She tells, Guillermo that not only is she still alive and pregnant but she's gonna stay alive and pregnant now that's she's going to become Mrs. Reyes or Botwin-Reyes or whatever. The thing about Guillermo and Nancy is that they can push each others buttons so well and they lurv seein' each other squirm. Guillermo with the knowledge that Nancy's boi'frien killed a DEA and he might be getting out soon; Nancy with the certainty that if she asked she could probz get Guillermo capped. Soooooooo finally a round goes to Nancy and her kickin' baybay.

A quick pit-stop at the links, where we see Shane enjoyin' thug life con Ignacio. Taunting white people is fun. It's a well kept secret in the P.O.C. community and I really shouldn't be saying it but it is. So Shane got to pretend to be all under-privileged, ummmm you live in a manse with the Mayor of Mexico, and heckle whitey playin golf, possibly one of the whitest sports evah, I don't care what you say Bagger Vance. Then Shane saw Ignacio go APE-SHIT. See that's anger that's crazay. Shane has a while to go before he get's there.

Back at the house Nancy complains that she's fat, ermmm no. Even for a preggo, still pretty thin. Shane never wants to go to a sporting event with Ignacio. Ever. And Ignacio is fine and just bounces somewhere, maybe to go see milo and otis. Esteban goes to fence. Enter El Andy, after some light saber moves that would put George Michael Bluth to shame, El Andy and Esteban start to duel. It's kinda hot in that misogynistic way that they are basically fighting over Nancy. Of course Esteban wins. He's a winner/tool. And besides El Andy had lightsaber moves against a guy that has a personal fencing trainer.
At least El Andy get's a some good words in with Nancy. 1(Judah), 2(Peter), 3(maybe Esteban, since all her husbands seem to die....pretty quickly) times a widower. Have you guy's forgotten about Peter Scottson DEA? Andy hasn't. With that El Andy breaks free from Hurricane Nancy (for now).

Celia, while waiting for the busy, meets the woman she will now cling to as hope to build herself up. An Avon-Lady type woman. Yeah poor Celia, life hasn't turned out great for you has it? Now you'll aspire to be an Avon-Lady. Sigh, everyone should have a dream.

In true Weeds fashion, an ending isn't an ending without a cliffhanger. Enter Mysterious Woman. MW, not only shoots amazing eye dangers at Nancy, but basically tells Esteban, white lady got to go. Then leaves. That's power Nancy, you should take lessons. With that the weddings off.

Isn't life fun?